I Love You Because you Exist

There are daily life lessons to learn as a foster family.  So many I really can’t share.  Many things I have known, but God is driving a deeper and deeper understanding within me.

What a messy world we live in.  It seems that so many people desire to completely change who they are and are never satisfied within their own skin.  There is a desire and push within this world to completely change the things about ourselves that are clearly defined when we are born.  It is hard enough to figure out things like what school to go to and what career to choose let alone the things about us that are actually very cut and dry.

God continues to reveal to me the deep problem of humanity and what His cure for the problem is.  The greatest need of every human being is to know that there is at least one person that loves them merely because they exist.  A love that has no condition, a love that has no selfish goals, a love that is there even when we are underserving of it.  From the day we are born we are in need of this kind of love.  You cry I will be there, you cause me to be unable to meet my own needs at times…I will be there, you lash out at me…I will be there…   I will still look at you and smile, my eyes will light up when you enter the room.   We all need this kind of love and fewer and fewer are receiving it…even as a small helpless child many never receive this kind of love.

Love like this opens our heart to realizing that we exist because God cared enough to create us and plan our lives.    It opens our hearts to realize that God gave us free will because He wants us to love Him in return because we choose too.  Love like this opens our hearts to understanding that God sent Jesus because He loves us despite our wickedness, flaws, and our unworthiness.   God loves us just as we are because He is.

No matter the struggles and challenges the answer to the deep dark pains of this world is LOVE.   God is helping me love and understand on deeper levels daily…sometimes minute to minute.  To look at every human being with eyes of love merely because of their existence.  Because they are a creation of God.

Ugh When I Feel the Mother Hen in Me Trying to Unleash

chicken

Every so often and sometimes far too often I am reminded of the battles my oldest child and I have trudged through together.  From the very beginning even her time coming into this world has been a battle to overcome.  I seriously could write a battle book for her from the day I found out I was pregnant with her until now nearly sixteen years later.   There will be many more chapters to add to the book that will grow in greater intensity.  Somehow these far too frequent and early battles will have prepared her for what God has planned for her.  Since the day I knew I was carrying her I have felt this overpowering desire to protect her from a world that loves to tear down who it views as weak.

Her shyness and quiet spirit is all I can account to the reason why others have singled her out and  left her out from day one.  Usually it has been people who should be in her corner backing her that I have watched leave her out and mock her.  Most of the time it has been the  most appropriate for me to sit back and immediately treat her wounds with encouragement, positivity, and instruction how to learn from the world’s harsh reality, rather than confronting the source directly.  Oh there have been times I have had to pray, choose my words wisely, make phone calls, send emails, do research, present her case, and stand up for her as well.  There have been medical battles, school battles, sports battles, child bully battles, etc…

Yesterday I was reminded as she was in goal for an intense game of soccer that I still have that mother hen.  As she was making an appropriate choice to keep her post in goal and let her defenders do their job I hear a scream “COME ON KEEP” from behind me.  It was a tone that if I were a child and yelled at in that manner I would have been crushed and cried.  The tone was like fingernails down a chalk board to me.  The tone said “you are terrible and not doing your job” to me as the mother.    No goal was scored and my daughter had chosen wisely.

With  Easter having just been this last weekend my thoughts went to Mary the mother of Jesus.  In all her humanness I can’t imagine what her own “mother hen” felt like watching her son being mocked, tormented, falsely accused, cursed, beaten, and murdered on the cross.    I can’t imagine being in a crowd that is screaming “CRUCIFY”  and having your one small little voice saying, but he has done nothing wrong…he has done nothing to deserve this…he has never done anything wrong…   With those three words I mentioned above screamed harshly at my own child every nerve in my body stood on end.  I can only imagine with each strike, whip, and each hammer of the nails how Mary’s nerves would have been completely frayed.  She was there at his miraculous conception, his birth, and witnessed so many instances in the life of Jesus that clued her in to the fact that He indeed was the Son of God placed in her womb and entrusted care.  Her Son has the ultimate battle book and fulfilled God’s ultimate plan to fight life’s ultimate battle death.  He alone conquered death for all of mankind.  Mary in her humanness as she watched her boy hang from that cross being cursed at and mocked still did not understand the extent of God’s plan, but kept a mental record of it all.   “She pondered it all in her heart.”

There is nothing we can face or give in this life that is greater than what Jesus did for us.

As a mother I know God loves my children even more than I do and that every challenge faced is to teach them and prepare them for the next.  As a parent God continues to increase my wisdom on how to build up, encourage, and go to bat for my children out of love.  Even with our next journey in life with fostering I feel this mother hen in me desiring  to protect children who are weak and have no one to battle for them.  Sometimes it will be taking a stand for them and sometimes it will be providing the encouragement, love, and instruction to help wounds heal…   I really don’t like the feeling of my mother hen rattling the cage, but God has put this drive and fight within me for a reason…

 

What is Good?

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The longer we wait for our Foster license the more little projects I am finding.  When a woman is pregnant it’s called nesting.  I have no idea what to call it when waiting for the completely unknown.  It’s a whole new kind of nesting.  Each item in this room has been carefully thought out and  inexpensive monetarily speaking.  A lot of time and love has been put into it.  Each item can also be reused or repurposed elsewhere in our home if need be so nothing is lost or wasted.

This little chair has been my latest labor of love.  This chair was literally getting ready to be thrown in a fire and my husband spotted it and saved it.  I’m sure he is now getting an eye for “what  Anita would love to paint and restore”.   I sat looking at this simple little chair this morning after putting a sealing coat on it and thought. “I like it.  It looks good, well at least to me.”   My thoughts then turned to God as he created this amazing earth and all the galaxies.  After each day of creation “He saw that it was good.”

God planned each and every person, plant and animal before He even spoke it all into existence.  My thoughts then turned to how my heavenly Father looks at me.  He planned me before sin entered in.  He knew all the good He could do with my life and my existence.  He had a purpose in creating little me.  He has this much love, thought, and planning for every human being.   Others may not look at what God has created and think it’s any good or like it.  Every human being is not likable and pleasing to all other human beings, but to God…  We were all created for something beautiful.  Of course sin entered and that beauty becomes distant and separated by our sinful nature that opposes all that God created us for.  We search to find our own purpose, meaning, and salvation to no avail.  On our own separate from our Creator we are destined to be used up and thrown into the fire.   God provided a Savior, Jesus, to snatch us from the grasp of that fire.   He looks on us with love and sees His original purpose, plan, and beauty.   As we submit to being saved and give up trying it all on our own we begin to change.  Beauty and restoration happens and God looks upon us and sees that Jesus has covered our entire being.  God can once again look at a human being that is covered by Jesus and say “it is good”.

I am so thankful for God’s love.  As I am so far from perfect He continues to teach me how to love, forgive, and live.

Genesis 1:31a  “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good”

2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone,  the new is here.”

Life is More than a Vending Machine

vending machine

The other day my youngest daughter and I had dashed out of the house without eating any breakfast.  Our place of destination that morning happened to have a vending machine full of junk food that could provide a very short lived satisfaction to hunger pains (with no nutritional value I must add).   My daughter asked if I had change so she could get a snack until we can get some “real food”.  With those big blue eyes softening my heart I of course  caved and told her to go ahead and get some change from my wallet for  a snack.  Her first try to obtain a snack of her choice the tasty treat became entangled in the spiral mechanics of the machine and would not drop below to her reach.    Upon her second try for another choice the snack once again became stuck between the spiral grasp and the glass door of the machine.   After the second try  the only thing being fed was the machine with mom’s change instead of her belly so she decided to call it quits and just count her/our losses.

 

This encounter reminded me so much of the world we live in.  Some give and give yet never seem to get ahead or become successful according to the standards of our world.  There are some who may give a little and get what someone else paid for and lost.  There are some who may just shake life and make demands and the demands are granted without any work or effort.    Sometimes worldly systems work  sufficiently and one can get what they have worked/paid for.  Life can really seem unfair and meaningless.

Life of one who has a relationship with Jesus provides so much more than the give and take of this world we live in.  The things that are so fleeting and superficial, beauty, money, power, fame, attention, etc… start to become just that, superficial, as one’s relationship deepens with Jesus.   A quote caught my attention in Dr. Warren W. Wiersbe’s Bible Commentary of the New Testament.  “God’s love for His own is not a pampering love; it is a perfecting love.”    It seems all anyone wants to hear is what God will give give give.  Our lives are so much more than what we can get.  The world is so focused on “self” and what God and others can do for “me me me”.    God’s plan for us is to perfect us.  Not in a way the world sees perfection.  It is a perfection of faith and love.  The more He perfects our faith the more of His light and love can flow through us.   The stronger our faith the more God can work through us to love others perfectly.  The stronger our faith the less we let ourselves get in God’s way.  Sometimes deepening our faith means we have to go through a lot of pain, suffering, sorrow, and mistakes in this life.  When it comes down to it I would much rather be perfected than to have everything perfect.  When I look back on what may seem a complete mess in my own life I can see God’s perfect plan and how it evolved and refined my faith.

Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is– His good, pleasing and perfect will. “

Mother

raindrops on roses
With this being Mother’s Day I have been reflecting all day on the mother God chose to give me.  He could have not planned my life at all or planned for me to be placed in a horrific situation.  Instead He created me and placed me with the most loving and Godly parents a person could wish for.  There are not enough words to describe the humbling gratitude I feel when I think of my parents and my mother specifically on Mother’s Day.  My mother’s own mother passed when my mother was just shy of turning 12 years old.  It was an unexpected death and my mother didn’t get to say “I love you” one last time or good bye.  I truly can’t imagine what she went through yet God got her through without an ounce of anger and bitterness.  There have been many situations in life that I have witnessed her “survive”.  She always continues on with the joy of Jesus radiating from her often as bright as sunbeams.  The unexpected loss of my father being the most recent trial she has endured with tremendous strength, grace, and joy.   Having been a wife for 44 years and a wife of a pastor for the majority of those years her world changed dramatically within just a few moments.   As a retired school teacher she now was left without the “jobs” of wife and pastor’s wife as well. Instead of folding up into a lonely ball of despair I watched this amazing women continue on with her life of selflessness.  She dove right into the lives of my sister’s and my children.  She began volunteering at the elementary school my sister works in investing her time and life into the lives of other children.  She began volunteering at a special ministry of our church that provides counseling and benevolence help.  She partnered up with me in our churches Awana program and helps 3rd and 4th grade girls memorize scripture from God’s Word.  My mother is truly the most selfless person I know.  When it came to clothing or her needs she always made sure my sister and I had what we needed before ever buying for herself.  In fact she still has some of my old sweaters from when I was in high school and still wears them.  Happy to take the “left overs”.

My mother is a true living example of motherhood and how God intended motherhood to be.  Her life has taught me so much more than any schooling of any kind ever could.  She is the most beautiful, loving, God fearing, strong woman that I know.  I will be eternally grateful for my sweet little momma.  What God didn’t give her in stature he gave her in a giant sized heart and faith!!

Proverbs 31:28-30 “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. ‘many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

What is Ever Truly Resolved by an Argument?

When I really stop and try to think of a time that arguing has ever solved any kind of problem I truly can not think of an example.  Even if someone gets their way by arguing what is really won when hostility and harsh feelings are left behind?  There is nothing that cools the flames of anger any better than love.  Love given when the person on the receiving end may be far from deserving of it.  Love is the only power that can break down the walls of bitterness.  Our human nature wants to always be right, but what is the cost?  Our pride can cost us our family, friends, employment, reputation, blessings in life, and the list goes on.

Holding our tongue and showing love instead of anger is the greatest problem solving solution I have ever know to actually work.  Maybe because it is God’s solution to conflict…LOVE!

2 Timothy 2:23-25 “And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.  Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”

Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Words are so powerful.  Words of anger cause problems.  Words of love solves them.

Guard Your Heart (written especially for teens)

Tonight our youngest daughter is going to her first sixth grade dance and our oldest is going to her first football game as a high school freshman. Thankfully neither one of them show signs of being overly concerned about boys or having a boyfriend at this point. One of my deepest regrets from my high school, college, and early twenties years is the focus I had on boyfriends and dating. With having a sister, two daughters, and being a girl myself I tend to have a better understanding of the girl viewpoint, but this blog can be for both male and females. The regret now is that I lost valuable time with Jesus. My focus and self-esteem weighed far too heavily on boy relationships. It is obvious looking back that I had parents praying for God to lead me to the right spouse, but I put far too much time and energy into being concerned about it. Definately not enough prayer time of my own for God to lead my life. You see the deeper our relationship is with Christ the greater our self-esteem in who God created us to be is. In a deeper relationship with Christ we don’t need the world telling us we are beautiful or giving us attention especially inappropriate attention. The road was full of broken heartedness leading to my dear husband and best friend Mike. There were so many lessons I learned the hard way. Alas God did lead me to a man that He continues to show me how He divinely planned us for each other. One of the most recent clues was our family vacation. The plans changed a few times as to who would be coming along with us on our adventure. In the end Mike was the only male. He had myself, my mom, his two daughters, and two of our family friends teen daughters. Yes he was surrounded. Girls age 11, 14, 15, 17, 41, and 64. Female hormones from one spectrum to the other. He handled it with masculine grace!! He truly is my teamate in life. I say teamate because it requires the both of us working together and giving one hundred percent to make our relationship work. The greatest warning signs I learned through my experiences were to beware of selfishness, conceitedness, boys that wanted to change me, power hunger, jeolousy,and control. A marriage can not work well if either side has an issue with these.

My prayer for my girls and all young people in my life is for them to guard their hearts. If their heart and focus belong to Jesus then they will remain under God’s hedge of protection. When we give our hearts to the wrong people and make them the idol and focus of our life it often will lead to poor decisions, heart ache, a destroyed self-image and self-esteem.

Proverbs 4:23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Love, Life Lessons, and a Three Legged Dog

Chloe
In an earlier blog “Dog Eat Dog World” I believe I had mentioned that sometime I would tell the story of our three legged dog. My heart was touched from the first I had heard of her and I was in love from the moment I laid eyes on her. Even our pets are a special part of God’s plan for our lives. Never an accident in how they become a part of our families.

The first I heard of Chloe was through a dear friend and coworker of mine. We were in a committee meeting at the hospital of which she was the head of. She was fighting tears that morning and having a hard time getting our meeting rolling. Through her tears she decided to provide the explanation of her emotions to all that were in the room. She started to explain that her sister had the sweetest dog literally jump into her minivan as she was loading up the family a few days prior. The dog had a broken front leg, was emaciated, had obviously just had puppies, and had no collar. The dog immediately won my friend’s sister’s heart and she decided to try to help. Her family called shelters and checked with neighbors to try to find the owners. No owners were found. There was a sign that they came across that puppies were found near the area where they live. The scenario gave the appearance that the momma and puppies were all dumped out in the country and left to fend for themselves. We can only speculate as to how Chloe obtained her broken limb.

Unable to find an owner of the dog her sister decided to take her to the vet to see what could be done for the leg. A very expensive emergent surgery could possibly be performed at another pet hospital further away. Finances are a factor when the dog is your own, but to spend thousands on a strange dog it just wasn’t a feasible option for them. There also was the risk that it was already too late to surgically repair the bones of the leg. The vet could set one of the bones, but not both. Casting the leg was not an option. The only option was to keep the leg splinted and to try to keep the dog sedate and with the splint on for weeks to allow the bones to heal. Her sister quickly became exhausted with trying to keep the splint on the dog and the dog calm. They were at the point of thinking that the dog may need to be euthanized because all the shelters were full and it seemed that no one could or would take her in. My friend had also met and fell in love with the dog hence her reason for tears during the morning meeting.

A few days later one of my friends from church posted a story about a dog her neighbors had that needed a home. She went on to tell the story which sounded very similar to the story of the dog my friend from work shared. I messaged my friend and said this sounds so similar to a story I just heard. Through our conversation I learned that she lived across the street from my work friend and it was the same dog. My work friend had taken the dog to her own home to care for since our meeting at work. Upon this discovery and going on about what a small world it is I called my friend from work, Leslie. We talked at great lengths about the dog. She had quickly become exhausted with trying to keep the dog sedate with splint intact as well. Her boys had not yet had a dog as a pet and she wasn’t sure that the dog would be the right fit for her family.

Her voice perked as she said “Anita you sound like you might be interested in this dog!” We had just put our cat down about a month before and just had one small dog at the time. We had actually been thinking about getting another dog and just hadn’t started looking at the animal shelters yet. Rescuing a dog with no home was already on my heart as the best option for us. Dogs are so adaptable and potentially having a dog with only three legs was not an obstacle for us. We are accustomed to the weird and unusual in the Lucas homestead. A three legged dog made perfect sense.

The girls and I went to meet the dog and were in love. In addition to the broken leg her ears had sores from being bitten by flies and her eyes were weepy with a gooey drainage. Our church friend and neighbor of my friend Leslie knew of someone that could help financially if needed. That person couldn’t take the dog, but wanted to help who ever could with expenses. After bringing her home we tried to keep the splint intact to no avail. Giving her the name of Chloe we soon realized that Chloe was quite the Houdini. The first day in our home of course was a work day for us so we had to leave her. We tried to keep her in a pen in the garage. She escaped the pen, climbed over bicycles, a wagon, and a Barbie car, lifted the cracked window with her nose, busted out the screen and jumped to the ground about four feet below. She stayed in the yard and greeted my mother as she pulled in the drive with broken leg dangling and a smile on her face. The splint was left behind in the pen that she destroyed. We quickly learned that she was fine staying inside the house where our presence was felt even with us not there. Having rewrapped her leg at least a dozen times I saw firsthand or first pawed that this leg of hers was not going to heal. My friend already had a vet appointment scheduled at the same vet we go to that Saturday morning. We kept that appointment. The vet was so happy that someone had agreed to take her in because he really didn’t want to euthanize her either. When he took the splint off of her leg the look on his face demonstrated what I already knew in my heart. There was just no healing that would happen. We decided to amputate and have her spayed that next week. Doing both surgeries at once we thought would be the best option for Chloe and financially. We would have had to go into debt pay for all of it and were so grateful for the financial help with the cost of the amputation. It took the work of five families to rescue our sweet Chloe all together.

The morning I took her to the vet for her surgeries I wondered if she would still love me afterward. In such a short time we had already developed quite the bond and the concern that I would lose her trust was weighing on me. The vet allowed me to call and check on her a couple times and they were happy to give the update that she had come through surgery fine. She had to stay the night for observation with the amputation being such a vascular surgery. The next day when I picked her up she was a different dog. She was brighter, so happy to see me, the weeping of her eyes was completely gone, and she appeared to have a radiant grin. My tears started to flow as soon as I looked her in the eyes. “This indeed is a very special dog” I thought to myself. Healing was a piece of cake for her. She had already grown accustomed to walking with three legs due to the break. Chloe gives deer, squirrel, and any other living creature a run for their money despite only having three legs. She falls often, but gets back up without missing a beat. Digging has been no problem she just uses her one front paw and has even managed to dig up a mole or two. One morning I looked out the front window saw her dig and catch a mole. She flipped that mole around the yard like it was a squeak toy.

It was the burden and pain of what was broken that was making her sick. Once what was broken was completely removed she was able to fully heal and be happy. She is left with the obvious scar of what she has gone through. Every day she is a reminder to me that in our lives there is only One who can rescue us from the brokenness in our lives. Jesus provides the amputation we need to completely remove the burden of our sinful broken hearts. His forgiveness alone will remove our sin that separates us from God our Creator. The day I picked Chloe up from the vet reminds me of the day when I will look full into the face of Jesus. There will be no more weeping of my eyes and my smile will radiate joy! We are often left with emotional and sometimes physical scars to remind us where we have been. Jesus bears the scars to His hands, feet, and side as a reminder for eternity of where we have been and what He did to bring us out of our brokenness. We can continue to carry the burden of our brokenness leading to death and eternal separation from God or we can ask Jesus to free us from the burden of our sin and shame leading to eternal life in the presence of God.

Don’t forget the Diet Coke

tears
The way God stirs a person’s heart for a ministry and starts to lay the foundation for this work is utterly amazing. Some of the greatest ministries have come through hardship, pain, and loss. So many foundations are started from pain of the loss of a loved one. Awareness crusades against drunk driving and drugs. Many safety rules, regulations, and safer products have come from those who have lost someone tragically pushing to prevent others from sharing their same grief. It seems as though at this point in time God is leading me to minister to those who are grieving out of my very own grief. Loss of someone you love through death is not necessarily the only cause to grieve. A break in a relationship of any kind will stir grief. Many times there is grief for the loss of health long before a person takes their final breath. Teenage girls and boys go through the stages of grief especially with the first break ups as they start to date and experience young love. Any changes in life can bring about a certain level of grief as the old patterns and familiarity pass away. Grief knows no social, economic, cultural, religious, language, or ethnic barriers. The basic human needs and emotions are the same for all of us.

I was reminded today of the sting that grief brings shopping at the grocery store for a family get together. A bad habit, but my father loved to drink caffeine free Diet Coke. This was a habit I had harassed him to change for a long time. With family parties I still would make sure I bought his favorite soda to drink. At the store I walked past Coke products and the thought “Oh I need to get dad his caffeine free Diet Coke!” fleeted through my mind. As I walked up to the bottles of Coke products my heart sank as I realized that there was no need. Memories of him had been flooding my mind more today than usual. I had not consciously thought of the fact that it was four months ago today that he died, but apparently my subconscious was very aware.

The fact that we all experience grief reminds me that even people that are hard to love may be going through an incredible silent pain. The fact that we all grieve reminds me to have more patience and compassion. The fact that we all grieve reminds me to smile and encourage others more. There are no levels to the experience of loss and each person will experience it in their own way. It is not fair for us to ever think that someone else has a “piece of cake” life because none of us are immune to loss.
As I mentioned in the beginning that some of the greatest ministries of God’s love have come from loss. The greatest ministry being that of His own Son Jesus. Jesus came to this earth fully God and yet fully human. He lived a sinless life. He took the payment of all of our sins on the cross. He grieved in His walk on this earth, he demonstrated tremendous grief as he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, and His greatest grief was at the point on the cross where all the sins of all of mankind were laid upon Him suffering complete separation from God the Father at this point in time. His pain and grief led to His resurrection three days later which leads to the most beautiful promise of love, hope, and redemption fathomable. God’s greatest gift is the promise of eternal life through Jesus Christ. Oh yes we will suffer pain, loss, and grief, but for those who put their faith in Jesus there is indescribable beauty waiting on the other side!!!!!!
1Peter 3:18 “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit”

1John 3:5 “You know that he appeared to take away sins, and in him there is no sin.”

John 11:25 “Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live,”

Isaiah 53:5 “But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.”

John 10:17-18 “For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.”

John 5:24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.”

Matthew 26-39 “And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and distressed. Then He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me.” And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.”

Matthew 27:46 “About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).”