Are You Struggling with Depression During the Social Isolation from Covid-19?


There is just so much that is unknown right now with this Covid-19 virus.  As a working RN I just can’t even go into all the emotions I personally have been struggling with.  For my own knowledge I like to read A LOT and learn from all different sources and references.  It is more helpful to see multiple sides and hopefully get “some” truth that way.  The struggle is that there are so many conflicting reports and things keep changing within my own job every five minutes.  What I am finding is that my own mental health is starting to get infected with it all!!

The other day I was just feeling down about all of it.  The political hatred is driving me nuts and I am trying to hurry past anything spewing hate!  On Sunday I felt so down.  I miss going to church.  I miss my friends.  I miss family.  I am struggling with not knowing where I will be working or when.  I am struggling with will I need to move from my home to protect my immediate family.  All this was whirling around my head and I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to check on the bird eggs.

One egg has disappeared, but one has hatched and is alive.  It was a picture of hope for me when I needed it most.  Two have yet to hatch.   New life gives HOPE!

This is the week we remember what Jesus did for ALL of us. Can you imagine getting a warm welcome into Jerusalem one week then within days those same people were screaming for your death?   Jesus knew he was going to die.  Jesus went through the most unfair hatred ever known.  He did everything perfectly… He loved perfectly…  Even Pilate said he could find no fault in him.  Yet the hatred reigned and Jesus was sentenced to the most brutal beating known to mankind with flogging, then the most tortuous death known to mankind, crucifixion.

As I struggle God keeps reminding me that there is nothing He doesn’t know. Jesus took every sin of all mankind to the cross with Him.  It was dark, scary, his followers ran, they were isolated and fell into despair.  BUT in just three days Jesus arose!!!  He conquered all the darkness, evil, and hatred.  What was meant for evil God used to SAVE us from our own sin!

There are so many theories and blame games going on right now it is hard to know what to believe.  Even if something is meant for evil, God can use it for good  to fulfill His plan!  God is in control!  When we trust in Jesus as our Savior we have new life and have the promise of life everlasting in heaven.  This is what I cling too!

As I feel a sense of impending doom I have to turn to God’s Word.  As I feel down I have to remember what Jesus went through for me and all man-kind.  Jesus gives HOPE and life!

Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.



Once Going Organic There Aint No Going Back


Two of the teenage girls my life has been blessed with came out to talk with me on our back patio yesterday morning.  I was actually getting to sit and study God’s word in peace.  Truly one of my most treasured happy places that I need to be in so very much more.  There was conversation about some tough things and tough parenting going on in our home right now.  The words and analogies that come out of my mouth sometimes most definitely do not come from my wee little brain.  We were talking about how conviction hurts and we get angry with whoever and whatever points out our brokenness.  We don’t want anyone telling us we are wrong no matter how kindly it is done.  Our human nature wants to stay in our sinful nasty ways.  We tend to make excuses and cast blame on everyone but our own self.  It hurts, but once we have surrendered to God’s ways and we truly desire to follow Jesus with our life then we start to experience true joyful, pure living!   I told them it is like drinking Organic Milk.  A few years back when I went through total detox for health purposes I started buying Organic Milk for the kids.  Now that we have tasted what is more healthy and pure the regular milk taste terrible.  Regular milk actually taste like chemicals with a hint of card board.   The words coming from me were that once we truly surrender to following Jesus the sin that we clung so tightly to starts to become like the regular old milk.  Once having the true taste of freedom, peace, and joy that Christ brings then the old sinful temptations start to look and taste like pure poison.  The closer we grow to Jesus the greater our desire for His ways and not our own.

We all have our different weaknesses, we all sin, and it all is disgusting.   No matter what our weakness is Jesus can heal us, purify us, and help us to live abundant life that He planned for us.   When God is convicting us it is painful to see how broken and dirty we truly are, but we can not experience true living without realizing how broken we truly are.

John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Sixteen Years of Painful Facial Breakouts and What Finally Brought Healing


This is not me but exactly what I dealt with for sixteen years.


Me now no filter and standing by window with revealing day light.   Revealing my nose hairs and imperfect make up application, but there is no rash being revealed!!!  YAY!!!

The purpose of this blog is to share with others what I have learned in life in hopes that maybe at least one person can be helped.   So much of my focus has been on our journey in foster care this past year that I have overlooked a small miracle that has happened.  This miracle took sixteen years of praying and searching for a cure and it is has been in front of me every time I look in the mirror.  Now that I am a “cool up with the times” mom with snap chat I see it on my phone too!!!

When I was pregnant with our oldest 16-17 years ago I started getting painful break outs around my mouth and chin.  It was a painful red rash that would start with tiny little blisters.  I had started with trying cold sore medications as my own first treatment to no avail.  As I went through my pregnancy I mentioned it to my doctors as well as doctors I worked with.  No one could give me any answers and I had one doctor even suggest that maybe I just drool a lot in my sleep.  Never waking up with saliva soaked pillow cases I wrote that off as a possibility quickly.

After I gave birth to our precious bambino the rash continued.  I had hoped that after pregnant hormones chilled out so would the rash.  To my disappointment even a year later it remained a battle.   The battle of the weird face rash!!!   Hydrocortisone made it worse.  No facial cleansers I tried helped.   I would change one product at a time to try to figure out the trigger.  Finally I went to a dermatologist and was diagnosed with Peri-Oral Dermatitis.   This just means “You have a rash around your mouth WOMAN!”  The blanket diagnosis with no reason as to WHY and doxycycline were the only answers.  The antibiotic would clear it up for a while then it would come back maybe a year later and I would take the antibiotic again.   Mind you antibiotics also kill healthy good bacteria and can be more harm than good on many levels.  My thinking was if this is something that can hurt an unborn baby’s bones and teeth what else is it doing?  As a nurse I am thankful for antibiotics, but we have learned the hard way that too much of anything can be very bad.

A few years back due to other health issues I went to a very strict clean eating diet.  Took several supplements to get my body chemistry balanced.  Guess what????  The rash still continued.  It was some better, but even after three years it would still raise its ugly little blisters!!   Mind you the healthy life style has made me so much better in so many ways so I totally give a shout out to healthy eating!!   Woot Woot for vegetables!!!!

So this past summer my sister signed up to sell Mary Kay and my youngest daughter and I went to a facial to support her.   With the prodding of my dear daughter Cora I left that day with a consultant kit thinking well I can get the fifty percent discount for our three girl faces.  So I immediately started to use the basic Timewise Miracle set that came in the kit.  My face was in a full on break out as it had been for at least a year with nothing helping at all anymore.   Within a week the rash was gone.  It has now been eight months and it remains gone and I am still on my first set of skin care because a little of the product goes a very long way.  My skin now has a healthy youthful glow that it has been missing for a very long long time.  I haven’t even moved up to the repair skin set yet that is available and the results have been amazing.  My body was having a chemical  reaction to the products that are sold at all the basic department stores.  What chemical I still can not figure out.  I had even tried a $300 set from someone who sold another skin care home sale company and it had made the rash worse.  Mary Kay does not even have a set that is that expensive.  This company continuously tests their products and makes them better and healthier all the time.  My face is proof and I am proud to be a part of something that can truly help someone.   After years of caking on concealer and being embarrassed of my face I am not ashamed to leave my home without make up to run my kids to school or to go to the store.   Mind you I am not beauty queen or super model.  I will continue to age and wrinkle, but can now do it with a healthy grace.  The wrinkles are from hours of laughter and smiles so as they happen I will sport them proudly. They will be less deep and have a much brighter glow thanks to a wonderful company that has it’s foundation built on the golden rule.

My prayers right now are  for God’s guidance with how to balance life and this rash of doubt that clouds my mind.  How do I put Him first, take care of our family,  continue our ministry of foster care, work full-time as an RN, and continue to ask God what is the most impactful way to spend my time on this earth to glorify you Lord? What is my next step Lord? If you would like to learn more about Mary Kay and try the products I would be thrilled to be your consultant and share what has helped heal me!!   There is nothing I would love more than to give another woman the confidence there is in having a healthy clean and bright face!!   Most of all I want my life to point all to Jesus the healer of my soul.  A healthy face won’t matter one day when I face the end of my life, but having Jesus as the healer of my rash of sin determines where I will spend eternity.  Do you know Jesus?  Even more than sharing the help of Mary Kay I am most greatly thrilled with sharing the hope and healing that only comes through Jesus Christ.

We Most Definitely are What we Eat!!

This post is more of an update from my Detox of the Mind Body and Spirit post back in May. Today I received the results of my third hair analysis after getting sick in the late winter of 2013. I was so overjoyed when I saw the results today that I had to hold back tears. The copper that was such a huge factor in my illness is now within normal ranges. All the electrolytes and minerals continue to make great strides toward the balance that they should be in. To feel better and to see the results of what is actually happening at the cellular level in my body is worth giving up the food addictions. I never realized how addicted I was to sugar and simple carbohydrates until my health fell into such jeapordy. As my body screamed in pain I finally pushed for answers and found one simple answer…food. Fresh fruits, vegetables, and meat from animals that eat fresh fruits and vegetables does not make the billionaires into trillionares. Therefore food continues to be the best kept health secret. We don’t need medications we need the proper nutrition.

This blog is meant to be an encouragement to all who want to feel better. It can be done even with a crazy busy working mom schedule and on a budget. These results have encouraged me to keep on keeping on. To continue to pass up the donuts, fast food, and the candy drawer at work. To rememeber that when I pass up a tasty treat that it only taste good and once eaten it only brings harm to my body. So my dear friends read labels, eat the freshest food you can find, avoid processed foods, sugars, and breads and you will be amazed!! This little self proclaimed health lab rat/guinea pig is choosing to remain just that!!!

Genesis 1:29 “Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.”

Detox of body, mind, and spirit

This past year has been the greatest journey of my life by way of learning true freedom from me. February of 2013 about a month before turning forty I woke up one Wednesday morning feeling like there was a butcher knife sticking in my neck. Having had neck problems for a while a previous MRI had revealed four bulging discs and spinal stenosis. I figured I may have actually ruptured a disc and that ibuprofen and neck exercises would pull me through as in the past. The next week I was off work and had planned to paint both of my daughter’s bedrooms. Another lesson in life that I can make all the plans I want, but life is a continuous game of dodge ball and at times we are hit and have to sit out of the game for a while altering our plans. As Monday rolled around the neck had only grown worse I called my doctor and got an appointment that day. The next day I was getting MRIs of my neck and lower lumbar spine per my request due to lower back pain as well. It was what started happening that night that has truly changed my course in life in so many ways. That night I was sitting on the couch and both of my legs knee down went completely numb. As the week went on the numbness traveled all over like there was a slithering snake going up and down my arms and legs and the snake would rest on a foot or a hand for a while then move again. In the meantime there were muscle twitches and what felt like knives stabbing me randomly all over. By Friday it felt like someone had rubbed copious amounts of Ben-Gay from the top of my head to the tip of my toes on the entire left side of my body. The right side was in terrible pain and at times it felt like my arm and leg on that side had been crushed in a vise. For months I had subtle symptoms that I had ignored. Often there would be a tight cool sensation of being squeezed around my chest. The squeeze would take my breath away a bit. It was uncomfortable but I was certain it wasn’t a heart attack so I just went on. Not having heard back from my doctor about the MRI reports I called that Friday and tried to explain to the office what was happening with all the crazy numbness. He was not in the office and they told me I would have to go to the emergency room. Knowing I needed to return to work on Monday I was starting to feel helpless and decided if it was worse the next morning I would go to the ER. Saturday I could not stand on my left leg. That leg had turned into a spaghetti noodle. We drove to a St Louis ER because I knew the testing I would need would not be available in our small town. Lab work and a brain MRI were inconclusive as to what was happening. They gave me the much needed IV steroids and a prescription for oral steroids that I do believe were beneficial. My own doctor, now this physician, and the next two doctors I saw tried to give me prescriptions for narcotic pain medications that I flat out turned down. Being able to deal with the pain on my own that was just a road I did not even want to set one foot on. What I wanted was answers and each direction I turned there were none. The ER physician looked me in the eye as I left and said what is happening to you is not being caused by your neck, you have something else going on. The something else was something she could not explain. Next week my physician then referred me to a neurosurgeon due to the herniated disc, but still could give no help for this nervous system that was completely spiraling out of my control. Off the record I had asked physician friends and it was suggested that there was probably something auto immune happening. The top of the list matching my symptoms was MS and that is what the ER physician was trying to rule out. It was the day before my birthday that I got into the neurosurgeon he was the kindest of all the doctors. He said that as he looked at my MRIs, read my symptoms, and then with my neuro assessment that he was highly suspicious of Multiple Sclerosis. Every doctor that looked at the MRI said that the disc in my neck could not be causing all the numbness. He promptly referred me to a MS neurologist who got me in early that next week and I just so happened to have a low census day from work a God thing yet again. So far through this ordeal I had never had to call off work which made me extremely grateful. My walk was a limp and somehow helping to relieve the pain of others helped me to cope with my own pain. The MS specialist literally rolled her eyes at me when she entered the exam room. She asked “Why were you referred to me when you have no scars on your MRI?” This sent me into another whirl of helplessness as I had no control over whom and what kind of physician I was being tossed to next. I simply stated well I guess due to my symptoms and started to explain to her what all had been happening. She responded with more eye rolls, sighs, and statements like “Well that is not my specialty!” I asked her what about metal toxicities like mercury? She again rolled her eyes and said “That is over rated.” She stated you clearly are having trouble with that left leg so I will order some lab work and see you in three months. Needless to say I left there very frustrated. The medical field I had spent all of my adult life working in had completely let me down. There was something terribly wrong and for someone who exercised didn’t smoke or drink thinking I was taking care of myself I was left in a state of confusion. God and I had many conversations through this ordeal. The specific one I remember was that God if my body is to become my prison that is ok I still want to serve you. Remembering how the majority of the New Testament written by Paul was written while he was in prison. I knew that God had a bigger plan and for some reason He needed to change my course somehow. One of my prayers was also that if there is a way to have healing I really would love to continue to serve others. I asked God to please not keep me on this earth if I cannot give back in some way. He continued to provide peace and His presence was overwhelmingly evident during this time of pain and confusion. As the lab work rolled in normal test after normal test I finally decided I am done with doctors and expensive tests that were leading nowhere. Having heard of hair analysis studies there was a local office that focused on holistic care and I had heard that I could send off a hair study through them. As I started digging in doing my own research the answers I kept finding that the way to healing was through food. It took those three weeks of waiting for the study to come back for me to start to prepare myself mentally to change our family’s lifestyle regarding how we eat. When the results came back sure enough my body chemistry was completely off balance, I was malnourished, my cells were starving for the proper balance of nutrients needed. The analysis reflected that every organ in my body was suffering and that I was heading to many chronic diseases, MS, diabetes, hypo-thyroidism, osteoporosis, and cancer to name a few. One of the greatest culprits was toxicity in Copper. This one simple very inexpensive test explained all the health problems I had been having over the last decade from stomach, skin, to the current issues. As I was handed a diet plan of basically eating meat and vegetables there was a determination when walking out of that door that day that this was a new day and a new life. It made sense to me that all the preservatives I had been eating with quick meals had sent my body into a frenzy of fighting off all the foreign chemicals. God had placed plants and animals that eat plants on this earth as food for us. He created us and the proper food to sustain us and heal us. All the synthetic man made products our bodies actually view as poison. This is how I had to start looking at those foods. They are poison and were killing me with a long slow painful death. The first goal was to follow strictly for one month. My family could still make their own choices, but what foods were actually going to be in our home were going to only be preservative free. By the end of the month I felt better than I had in years. This determined that we now had a new way of life. Food had controlled me more than I ever realized. I loved candy, ice cream, cereals, and breads these things were addictive to me and never left me satisfied. My friend and I with birthdays near Easter always had bought each other sweet tarts ducks and chicks and other candies as gifts. Literally I would start to eat them and often would not stop till they were gone and I was left with a raw mouth. The sugar triggered a reaction in my brain and I just wanted more and more and more. With having rid my body of these foods and not having them at all I actually had no desire for them. Food was more of a distraction in life with continuous glucose peaks and valleys. It was distracting me from God, my family, and my purpose more than I ever knew until I felt so much better. This is an experience of pain that I am so grateful for in my life. Through this experience I have learned more and more of riding my mind, heart, thoughts, and body of what is toxic. As food can bring toxicity to our body, thoughts bring toxicity to our minds, and what we put in our bodies and minds can bring toxicity to our very soul. It is a daily journey and discipline and some days I am better than others. It is a discipline that requires me to continuously focus on God. His strength is the only way to be able to fight off the constant temptations of the world. I look at the bad foods as poisons and learning my weaknesses God is teaching me to think of my sin as poison to my soul. Everyone has different weaknesses and only God can show us what is truly controlling us and stealing our joy that He so very much wants to give us. Now the detox itself was painful at times as my body rid itself of toxins and bacteria. I had a sore throat and a cough for about two months as all the impurities pulled out from deep tissues. The same goes for detoxing spiritually. Sometimes it hurts to rid ourselves of old habits, friends or places that tempt us, and thought processes. The end result is amazing for both our body and our spirit! By the way I cancelled the three month appointment with the MS neurologist. She said she would be happy to see me if I ever develop scars shown by any brain MRIs in the future. It has been just over a year and there is just a hint of numbness when I am super tired. The small reminder of what God has brought me through is welcomed. This year as I turned forty one we buried my sweet father and said our earthly goodbyes to him on my birthday. Yet again I find that God’s presence and grace is literally sustaining me. Birthdays in my forties so far are very far from happy. The wisdom and deeper relationship with Jesus through the trials has been priceless. I have no idea what forty two will bring, but God knows and He will continue to provide His peace and presence. He will continue to cleanse me from all that distracts me from Him. Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”