When We Sabotage Our Own Lives

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Once again I am preparing myself to pack up another child’s room.  Once again I feel the sting of grief.  My hope is that as my heart is shattered into more pieces that God can use those pieces to love that much more greatly through me.

As Mike and I think and look back we feel no regrets.  I pray and ask God was there something else that needed to be said or done.  There is nothing, but a peace He gives that we did all we could.  We loved whole heartedly we provided chances, forgiveness, teaching, true sacrificial giving of time, energy, and resources.

There has been nothing that has painted a better picture of what Christ has done for each and every human being than this ministry of Foster care.   We are born into a sinful and broken world.  Why are innocent children abused and neglected at such a young age?  Why are so many people succumbed to addictions to drugs and alcohol?  Why are we so prideful and full of ourselves?  Why are we so selfish?  Why are we so ungrateful?  Why do people who show nothing but love and kindness get taken advantage of?  It is all because of sin.  God gave us all freewill.  I can not make choices for any other human being and can only control my own.

We become comfortable in our situations of sin self inflicted or inflicted by others.  It is what we know.  It is why so many victims of domestic violence just keep returning to the abuser. When love steps in, when God calls to a person’s soul, we become uncomfortable.  We start to realize there is something far greater and bigger than us and it is scary.  The thing about our human nature is that so often we start to see and realize what true love, true abundant life can be and we sabotage it.  We retreat back to old ways because it is what we know.  Our sinful habits are what we think will make us happy.   It is a deceitful lie that leads us down a painful and deadly path.

The image of Jesus dying on the cross taking all my sin and shame as well as every human being’s remains the strength that keeps me going.  Christ was rejected by his very own.  He is rejected every minute of every day.  So many curse Him, turn their backs on Him, and run straight into the pit of destruction He came to save them from.

Oh, but when a person finally does realize their great and desperate need of His love and forgiveness that is when life truly begins.   Life is hard and the consequences of our own bad choices are very hard.  God gave us a way out of the pit.  He gave us a way to true life through Jesus Christ.  As my relationship deepens more and more I yearn for each breath I take to be for Jesus.  Because of my own sinful nature I still have so much to learn about full surrender and trust.  The more I breath Him in the deeper my peace, joy, and realization of how loved I am becomes.

My heart breaks when the love I give is rejected.  I can only imagine how Jesus feels to have paid the penalty for all sin through death on the cross only to be rejected by so many.   In fact the love I give doesn’t even come from me it is Christ loving through me.

So my eyes will continue to look that much more intently on Jesus and His way.  Everything I do is for His Glory and not mine.  God has a plan and perfect will.  My hope and trust is that anything done for His Glory will not go in vain and that He will take the seeds planted and continue to water His truth on them.

Philippians 2:1-5 “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and one of mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.  In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus…”

Once Going Organic There Aint No Going Back

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Two of the teenage girls my life has been blessed with came out to talk with me on our back patio yesterday morning.  I was actually getting to sit and study God’s word in peace.  Truly one of my most treasured happy places that I need to be in so very much more.  There was conversation about some tough things and tough parenting going on in our home right now.  The words and analogies that come out of my mouth sometimes most definitely do not come from my wee little brain.  We were talking about how conviction hurts and we get angry with whoever and whatever points out our brokenness.  We don’t want anyone telling us we are wrong no matter how kindly it is done.  Our human nature wants to stay in our sinful nasty ways.  We tend to make excuses and cast blame on everyone but our own self.  It hurts, but once we have surrendered to God’s ways and we truly desire to follow Jesus with our life then we start to experience true joyful, pure living!   I told them it is like drinking Organic Milk.  A few years back when I went through total detox for health purposes I started buying Organic Milk for the kids.  Now that we have tasted what is more healthy and pure the regular milk taste terrible.  Regular milk actually taste like chemicals with a hint of card board.   The words coming from me were that once we truly surrender to following Jesus the sin that we clung so tightly to starts to become like the regular old milk.  Once having the true taste of freedom, peace, and joy that Christ brings then the old sinful temptations start to look and taste like pure poison.  The closer we grow to Jesus the greater our desire for His ways and not our own.

We all have our different weaknesses, we all sin, and it all is disgusting.   No matter what our weakness is Jesus can heal us, purify us, and help us to live abundant life that He planned for us.   When God is convicting us it is painful to see how broken and dirty we truly are, but we can not experience true living without realizing how broken we truly are.

John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Growing Strawberries and Being a Foster Mom

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Feeling down thankfully is not the normal for me.  Most days there is a song in my heart, a one liner joke or pun at the tip of my tongue, and a some smooth dance moves especially designed to embarrass my children or anyone around at any given moment of opportunity.   That has not been the case lately.  For the first time in my life I would have to say I have felt extremely down.  The bombardment of what I refer to as “stupid stuff” has been non stop from the moment I made the call to start the licensing process for Mike and I to become Foster Parents.  There have been a million annoying things.  The attack on our marriage, strain on finances, everything breaking, annoying stressors in our jobs, you name it Satan has been blasting it.  Nothing real huge just stressors that are like stepping on a Lego block barefoot it hurts, but doesn’t cripple.  Our choice to become Foster Parents has been totally and utterly a calling from God.  In my heart I know that these attacks are because we are doing what we are suppose to.  In my heart I know that if we weren’t making a difference Satan would not be trying so hard to get us to quit.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally I have grown tired.

There are days I feel the weight of so many people sitting on my shoulders.   I feel that I am crumpling underneath the weight of this cross God has called me to bear.  Actually I feel like I am flat on my face with my mouth and eyes full of dirt under the cross.  Each time I cry out God provides someone, something, or some sign of hope that lifts me back to my feet with a renewed strength to keep on with my cross upon my shoulders.  This road of ministry as with any God called ministry can be a very lonely and painful road.  The more God teaches me how to love with His love the greater the strain under the weight of my cross He has planned for me to carry for Him.   It is hard to explain being able to look someone in the eye that actually hates you and still feel a deep compassion for them.  It is hard to explain wanting to still help and give all I can even when the help is not well received nor wanted.  The only explanation is God’s love, God’s strength, and God’s will.  It sure does not come from my own ability because I can not.

Today I had one of those moments that I could feel God lifting me to my feet and giving a renewed strength to carry this cross. Our pastor’s sermons the last two weeks have had a significant impact as well as scripture God has led me to personally preparing me to see what I needed to today.

This afternoon I walked down to our little raised garden that really isn’t much to speak of.  A few years ago I planted two strawberry plants as well as many other types of seeds and plants.  The strawberries were the most successful so two years ago I decided to just let the garden be a strawberry patch and planted two more plants.  Each year the vines take over more of the garden and the harvest of plump red strawberries grows larger and larger.   There really hasn’t been much work needed.  Just the space for the plants, sunshine, rain, and some pulling of weeds.   God brought the fact to my attention that our call to Foster Care is much like our little strawberry patch.  We need to be willing and open to providing the space, resources and care.  The rest is actually up to him.  What lives we actually make a difference in has nothing to do with us, but is totally about God and His power to change lives.  It is God’s power that grows the strawberries.  It is God’s power that will make the difference in the lives he puts in our path.   We are to be available and let him love through us.  There is a nice harvest of delicious fruit that took a few years to get to reap and enjoy.  There is no limit to what God can do with the opportunities to love others, children, families, caseworkers, state workers, and our community through the ministry of foster care.   As of now counting our birth children we have had four children to plant, love and nurture.  Like the four strawberry plants I pray the love of these children will spread, grow, and bear a tremendous harvest of fruit.

Luke 9:23 “Then He said to them all, “If anyone wants to come with me, He must deny Himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me.”

 

John 15:8 “This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”

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Sixteen Years of Painful Facial Breakouts and What Finally Brought Healing

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This is not me but exactly what I dealt with for sixteen years.

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Me now no filter and standing by window with revealing day light.   Revealing my nose hairs and imperfect make up application, but there is no rash being revealed!!!  YAY!!!

The purpose of this blog is to share with others what I have learned in life in hopes that maybe at least one person can be helped.   So much of my focus has been on our journey in foster care this past year that I have overlooked a small miracle that has happened.  This miracle took sixteen years of praying and searching for a cure and it is has been in front of me every time I look in the mirror.  Now that I am a “cool up with the times” mom with snap chat I see it on my phone too!!!

When I was pregnant with our oldest 16-17 years ago I started getting painful break outs around my mouth and chin.  It was a painful red rash that would start with tiny little blisters.  I had started with trying cold sore medications as my own first treatment to no avail.  As I went through my pregnancy I mentioned it to my doctors as well as doctors I worked with.  No one could give me any answers and I had one doctor even suggest that maybe I just drool a lot in my sleep.  Never waking up with saliva soaked pillow cases I wrote that off as a possibility quickly.

After I gave birth to our precious bambino the rash continued.  I had hoped that after pregnant hormones chilled out so would the rash.  To my disappointment even a year later it remained a battle.   The battle of the weird face rash!!!   Hydrocortisone made it worse.  No facial cleansers I tried helped.   I would change one product at a time to try to figure out the trigger.  Finally I went to a dermatologist and was diagnosed with Peri-Oral Dermatitis.   This just means “You have a rash around your mouth WOMAN!”  The blanket diagnosis with no reason as to WHY and doxycycline were the only answers.  The antibiotic would clear it up for a while then it would come back maybe a year later and I would take the antibiotic again.   Mind you antibiotics also kill healthy good bacteria and can be more harm than good on many levels.  My thinking was if this is something that can hurt an unborn baby’s bones and teeth what else is it doing?  As a nurse I am thankful for antibiotics, but we have learned the hard way that too much of anything can be very bad.

A few years back due to other health issues I went to a very strict clean eating diet.  Took several supplements to get my body chemistry balanced.  Guess what????  The rash still continued.  It was some better, but even after three years it would still raise its ugly little blisters!!   Mind you the healthy life style has made me so much better in so many ways so I totally give a shout out to healthy eating!!   Woot Woot for vegetables!!!!

So this past summer my sister signed up to sell Mary Kay and my youngest daughter and I went to a facial to support her.   With the prodding of my dear daughter Cora I left that day with a consultant kit thinking well I can get the fifty percent discount for our three girl faces.  So I immediately started to use the basic Timewise Miracle set that came in the kit.  My face was in a full on break out as it had been for at least a year with nothing helping at all anymore.   Within a week the rash was gone.  It has now been eight months and it remains gone and I am still on my first set of skin care because a little of the product goes a very long way.  My skin now has a healthy youthful glow that it has been missing for a very long long time.  I haven’t even moved up to the repair skin set yet that is available and the results have been amazing.  My body was having a chemical  reaction to the products that are sold at all the basic department stores.  What chemical I still can not figure out.  I had even tried a $300 set from someone who sold another skin care home sale company and it had made the rash worse.  Mary Kay does not even have a set that is that expensive.  This company continuously tests their products and makes them better and healthier all the time.  My face is proof and I am proud to be a part of something that can truly help someone.   After years of caking on concealer and being embarrassed of my face I am not ashamed to leave my home without make up to run my kids to school or to go to the store.   Mind you I am not beauty queen or super model.  I will continue to age and wrinkle, but can now do it with a healthy grace.  The wrinkles are from hours of laughter and smiles so as they happen I will sport them proudly. They will be less deep and have a much brighter glow thanks to a wonderful company that has it’s foundation built on the golden rule.

My prayers right now are  for God’s guidance with how to balance life and this rash of doubt that clouds my mind.  How do I put Him first, take care of our family,  continue our ministry of foster care, work full-time as an RN, and continue to ask God what is the most impactful way to spend my time on this earth to glorify you Lord? What is my next step Lord? If you would like to learn more about Mary Kay and try the products I would be thrilled to be your consultant and share what has helped heal me!!   There is nothing I would love more than to give another woman the confidence there is in having a healthy clean and bright face!!   Most of all I want my life to point all to Jesus the healer of my soul.  A healthy face won’t matter one day when I face the end of my life, but having Jesus as the healer of my rash of sin determines where I will spend eternity.  Do you know Jesus?  Even more than sharing the help of Mary Kay I am most greatly thrilled with sharing the hope and healing that only comes through Jesus Christ.

Two Months IS Significant

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As we continue on in our journey in Foster care one of the greatest lessons has been to expect nothing.   The only guarantee and expectation that I personally have learned is that God is always present even when it feels like He is not.   So actually going into this ministry and definitely in the throes of our ministry a thank you is not expected.  We try to teach gratefulness, forgiveness, kindness, compassion, good work ethic, etc… with every opportunity.  The expectation, other than knowing God will be present, is a personal one.  Do I exemplify qualities that Jesus demonstrated for us? Do I show love, forgiveness, kindness, patience, gratefulness,  do I work hard?  My failures in these qualities happen daily so how can I  expect someone who has had a rough start in life to have them.  Why should someone who has had some rough and traumatic experiences at a young age have any reason to say thank you?  It is not expected.

One never knows what is significant to another person when first meeting.  Every person has a story and every person has something that is significant to them or longings that are significant. It is often a mystery and hard work to learn what is significant to another.  What is significant to my neighbor may not be significant to me. Yet we are to love our neighbor as ourself.   So how do we love others deep enough to truly make a positive impact?  Start learning what is significant to them.  It is an ongoing process in relationships with others that never ends.  Love grows deeper and stronger the more you learn and act on what those matters of significance are.   What is a passion, a joy, a hobby, what is the deepest need, what is the deepest longing of the other people in your life?

For our dear child that God has so divinely brought into our home there is a significance of time.  We all need the time of others invested for a relationship to grow, but to some time means security.  Toward the end of March I was asked about a specific date in April and if I knew what that day was.   My brain was in total “der” mode as I couldn’t think of a birthday, sporting event, or historical marker.   The next words gave me a clue as to what is significant to this dear one.  “I will have lived here two months.”

As that day approached two days ahead I was handed a card.  The card was going to be given on the day…no the day before…no the day before the day before….   The anticipation of this date in time demonstrated even more  how significant two months in the same home with no threat looming of having to leave has been to this precious child.   In care it is one day at a time never knowing what is going to change and happen next.  Security is one of our basic necessities as a human being.  We can provide words of assurance and love, but nothing speaks more than time and action.  So our thank you was very unexpected, but significantly heart melting to us.   It has been a wild roller coaster ride of  a first year as a foster home.   There truly has not been anything harder with a greater impact that our family has ever done.  As God continues to mold, shape, and strengthen us as a family and me personally, my prayers have turned into how can I love more?

What Would you do if you had a Million Dollars?

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One of our daughters just asked me this question.  She then followed with would you buy a different house?  My first answer was no, I just want to have no debt.  We then discussed college expenses and saving then then conversation topic fizzled.

The conversation fizzled out, but the thought of this question continued to weigh on me.  A million dollars does not actually go far in our world today it could be a start.  My self evaluation question became, “If money were no object what would you do?”   Then cycling back to the house question my answer started to turn to a yes.

For years now God has put this burning compassion for children who have been rejected and beat down by this world on my heart.  For one year now we have been in the trenches of Foster Care.  The more of the true story and true pain I see this compassion just grows stronger.  This is definitely a mission field that leaves you feeling like your heart has been torn from you, stomped on then placed back into your body to keep powering through beat by beat.

So this is my vision as hard and crazy as it sounds.  As I sit here completely emotionally exhausted God will not stop calling on this broken heart of mine.  Yes, I would buy a new house.  I would buy a working farm or ranch.  I would want to buy it where there are amazing hiking places.  I would start a children’s home with the proper support staff.  I would hire people with the same compassion and broken heart for what breaks God’s heart.  It would be an amazing place with jobs for the children to be assigned to based on abilities and personalities.  Nothing builds self esteem like a job well done.  I would want to do therapy during hikes because who wants to just stare eye to eye with a therapist.  Something about God’s creation truly relaxes and can cause true communication and healing to happen.

Truthfully I am worn out from just having one child that is in care at a time.  Truthfully I do not have the resource within my own self nor financially to make this a reality.  This one question has started to develop into a dream that God’s timing and provision can accomplish if it is in His will and plan.   My heart aches for children who are “unwanted”, for children who push away the one’s that truly want to help, for the children who feel unworthy of love…  My heart is to give as many children new Hope and a new beginning through the love of Jesus Christ.  So if I had a million dollars or if money were no obstacle I would buy a new house.  A house of Hope!!!!

Lost Dog The Cold and Hungry

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This past Friday night around 1030 pm this beautiful dog came up to our back patio door  scratching and begging to come in.  Hesitant to let a strange dog in I had hoped it would run off back to its home, but she just kept on looking at me through the glass and laid down along our back step.  Our dogs were going crazy as well as two of our three kids were getting all gaga over this bundle of furry sweetness.   Our most dog crazy daughter was staying at a friend’s home for which I was so thankful.  The drama of the begging “can we keep her?” would have earned her an Oscar I am quite certain.  My first step to help this sweet creature was to take to Facebook.  We started with a picture of her scratching at the door and sent out the plea to hunt down the owner.  There were comments, likes, and shares of the post, but at first no sign of the owner.  Eventually I felt safe trying to let her in much to our yellow lab’s disgust.  She was not a fan.  It was getting late so my oldest just took her downstairs with her to keep the dogs separate.  Our oldest daughter was totally in love already.  In the meantime we got this much nicer photo of the sweet girl’s face.

Eventually we were able to sleep.  Early in the morning I had gotten a message that it potentially was the messenger’s neighbor’s dog.  Through back an forth messages and more photos we were both confident this dog indeed was her neighbor’s.  About eight hours of her showing up on our door step she was riding off into the sunrise with her rightful owner.  The power of social media was a grand thing that day.  That same sweet face looked at me from the truck’s passenger window as she rode off.  She seemed to say “Thanks for letting me crash here!!”

My posts to search for the owners continued to be shared far past the reunion of dog and master even with stating in the comments that she had made it home and making a “Nala’s home” separate post.  My husband suggested that I just delete them so that the post would stop, but part of me was just too curious.  My curiosity won out and the posts remain.  Part of me really wanted to see how many people would try to help a dog.  Part of me wanted to see what kind of judgmental comments there would be on the shared posts.

One of my posts had at least 227 shares and the other with the better picture had at least 98 shares.  Far from viral, but impressive to me.  There were comments from people I didn’t know that leaned toward judgmental that we should “let that poor dog in!”   In fact we did let the dog in.  With the hypocritical thinking of our society, I know exactly the kind of judgment I would have rendered had the dog attacked one of my children.  “What kind of idiot lets a strange dog into their house!!!”   “She got what she deserved, you don’t let a strange animal in your home!!”  “What kind of mother is she?”

As the story goes all was happy and a sweet ending.  My children are bugging me that much more for a third dog now.

One thing that amazes me about our society/community/world is the extent people will go to for an animal while there are human beings that are cold and hungry.  Also the extent that people judge each other.  Recently I watched a video about an adopted redhead.  The video showed a young redheaded little girl that “annoyed” her adoptive parents and the end of the video shows the dad taking her to a country road getting her out, throwing her doll, the girl chasing it as the dad drove off in the car.  The end of the video shows him looking in the rearview mirror and the red headed girl was actually a dog.

Believe me I am huge animal lover and I certainly don’t want to see any of God’s creatures mistreated.  My point is that I post about foster care and hurting children all the time and these posts essentially are ignored.   My question is what would be the help or judgmental comments had the living being knocking on our back door been a child?   What would you do if a cold and hungry human being came to you for help?   What are we all doing to help the cold and hungry in this world?  This has just been such a strong burden on my heart after seeing the response I had for this dog.

1 John 17-18 ” If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?  Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”

Matthew 25:35-40

35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Love Brings You Home Our Foster/Adoption Journey Continues

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About a year ago my mom and I were shopping at Hobby Lobby to find some items for a few projects.  Our foster care licensure process was nearing completion and one project was to add finishing touches to our spare bedroom.   A year ago before our journey began when I walked past this picture and read it the tears immediately started to flow.  This one little sentence seemed to sum up our call to foster children in need in the most perfect way.

That day I did not buy it as I had no clue who would fill the room and I was trying to just keep the décor simple and as gender neutral as I could.

When I wrote A Whole New Kind of Grief in January I had no clue why and what God had planned next.  Grieving someone’s potential to such depth was new to me.  As I write now I have had so much more of God’s plan revealed to me.  As I write now I am in greater awe of His amazing attention to detail on every life.  As I write now I am even more deeply humbled and thankful to be a part of His great plan.

Two weeks to the day of God giving such a definitive answer of “NO”  to my prayer “Do we take the next step toward adoption?” I got a message from a friend’s husband about a need.

You see with our first child we could have no other placements probably never had we adopted.  I had resolved to this was the one and only child God had planned for us to help, but as usual I was so very wrong.   God gave us two weeks to digest all that had happened and then I get a message from a friend’s husband to call his wife about a need.  We were not yet on the market as a foster family.  Our bed capacity still was showing zero as I hadn’t even gotten to fully communicate with our license worker.  As I listened to my friend tell me the story of the need I could feel my heart swelling with love and compassion once again. When asked do you know of a family that can help, all I could think was “all I know of is us”. God had opened our room up and it was specifically for this very need in this very perfect time that it was needed.   Separately speaking to Mike and the girls I watched as each of their hearts did the same as mine.  They all turned into a puddle of compassion.  There are not strong enough words to express how proud I am of their willingness to love and follow God’s call in this ministry.

It has been amazing as we have been able to open our hearts and home to another.  There has been a community of people to help this one life and that is exactly how it should be for a child in need.   It indeed does take a village.  Another amazing turn in the story is that our family gets to remain a strong support in the life of our first child.  Of course I can not share too many details, but God provides the most amazing paths when our hearts are open.

This brings me back to the picture above.  A few weeks ago I found myself at Hobby Lobby again.  When offered to get some new décor for the room our newest family addition only requested a chalk board.  While shopping along I again see this picture that I saw a year ago.  This time I bought it!   Our sweet new member of our family was more than happy to have it hung in the room.

There has been nothing in this life that has brought me to a deeper understanding of God’s love for us than this calling to love this hurt world through foster care.  Our broken lives take us to so many unexpected places, but God’s plan through Jesus is to bring us all home.   Jesus is the only source of true love and our home is our eternal home with him.  As a child I always thought of “God’s Will” to be what job, career, who I would marry, if I would have children, etc…  God’s Will is to completely open my heart to Him.  There is no way I can love unconditionally the way that I have on my own.  It has purely been opening all of my soul allowing God to completely love through me.   Of course my own human nature has gotten in the way from time to time, but He continues to teach me how to rely on Him fully.   God’s will for my life is to love others in such a way that they feel truly loved and  “home”.  Whatever amount of time, capacity, platform, or tool God gives it is all just a way for God to work through me.   My life is to be a channel of God’s love to direct others to Him.  He is our true source of love and our true home.  God’s wish is for all of mankind to come back to Him.  He is such an amazing God that He gives us a choice.  He cares so much about the details of every life that He will provide opportunity after opportunity even in a life of tremendous pain to see His love.  It may be a complete stranger offering a word of encouragement.  We get to see God in small doses throughout our life and it is up to us to accept Him.  As a follower and totally sold out to Jesus I get to be a part of God’s plan to reveal His love to our hurting and broken world.

Home doesn’t always mean to live in the same house.  Home is knowing that you have at least one other person that loves you unconditionally with their whole heart.  Home is knowing you have someone cheering you on in life.  Ultimately home is knowing that there is a God in heaven that loves you in a way that no other can love you.  Ultimately home is knowing that God planned you, wants you, has a purpose for you, and wants to spend all of eternity with you.

John 14:2 “In my Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; I go to prepare a place for you.”

John 3:16 “For God so Loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.”

 

Unsung Heroes

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Names are not being shared due to privacy and this blog is public.

This past year and a half one of my life long friends has been on the front lines in the war against childhood cancers.  Her son at age 13 was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer.  From the side lines I watched this family that I love go through one of the very hardest trials I can ever  imagine having to face.  It seemed that with every doctor visit, treatment, test, surgery all they ever received was more bad news.   Helpless is the only word I can think of when it comes to something as devastating as this.  For the parents the feeling of helplessness not to be able to fix and make things better for your child.  For the grandparents helpless to not be able to make the hurt for their children and grandchildren go away.  Helpless is the word for the aunt who went above and beyond caring for the younger children of this beautiful family. Helpless is the only word for the friends and family in the outer circle of support wishing there was something that could be done to make it all just go away.

Throughout the 18 months there was always something common with each conversation shared with my friend.  The most common topic that brought brightness and hope was always his nurses.   My dear friend and her husband (also my friend)  would always perk up as they mentioned the nurses  by name.   I saw a sparkle in their son’s eyes when he or his parents spoke of them.  From the sidelines I witnessed how the healthcare providers for pediatric oncology not only did their jobs they became family to a hurting family.   They were the ones that were there with each gut wrenching blow of horrible news.  They were the ones doing all they could to help the pain and nausea.  They were the ones praying as they hung each medication that this would be the treatment that would stomp out this thief of a disease.  They were the ones that would sit by his bedside and play games.  They were the ones that sat by his bedside and took the time to know who this child really is and not just know his disease.  They were the ones laughing, crying, hugging, and sharing in the anger at the unfairness of childhood cancer.   They were the ones he chose to go on his first date with as one of his final life wishes.

The words “he chose his nurses” are words I can not speak or type without tears flooding my face.  As one of his very final wishes he chose to take his nurses out on the town.  The pictures of this event show the brightest smiles on all the faces of the nurses and the face of this sweet boy.   His nurses were his heroes.  His nurses made his final painful days brighter.  His nurses made him feel important and not just like another patient.   He chose to leave this life in the place that had become another home with the healthcare workers that had become an adopted family.  His nurses were there alongside his mom and dad sharing in their pain and grief.

Of course I have a special place in my heart for nurses, but now I believe that pediatric oncology nurses are truly the most heroic of all.   To open your heart and step into the lives of children and families going through the hardest of all life’s battles.  These beautiful souls are doing so much more than trying to kill cancer cells.   To open your heart to love even when you know you might not have the ones that you love for long shows the quality of true angels of mercy.    These are the unsung heroes that walk among us.