Motherhood/children

Just Five or Six More Summers

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Eight years ago my sister gave me a call and a lady at her work was giving away a twenty one foot round above ground pool to whoever wanted it and that would come and take it down.   There is actually nothing “FREE” about a pool, but it did significantly cut the costs of having a pool for some summertime fun for the kids.  The last couple of summers I have kept in the back of my mind that the liner would soon bite the dust.   This year is the year.  We have had seven full seasons with our “FREE” pool.  We have been weighing the costs of replacing the liner or just taking it down.  The kids still really like it and it is something fun for when they have friends over during the summer.  This prompted us to have a family meeting and to actually listen to each other which I feel is a positive.   Alas whatever the fate of our “FREE” pool my mind has gone to thinking about “just five or six more summers”.   This was my input to my husband as far as lets just replace the liner and get five or six more summers with it because after that the kids will be grown.   In just five or six more summers oh how much our lives will change.  Of course we never know what life surprises God has up his glorious sleeves.   As it now stands our children will be out of high school in that time.  With the normal life expectancy of canines our family dogs will most likely no longer be with us.  We could have a very quiet and empty house in just five or six more summers.

My focus is not actually on the pool, but the memories and time spent together.   It is just merely a tool or a gathering place to make us stop and enjoy time with family and friends.   Adults can hang out and children can swim.  It is time outdoors away from technology.   This of course is hitting at a not so great financial time for us so I am just doing a lot of praying for guidance as to what is best.  No matter what we choose it will cost.

Everything in life has its season.  Each season has its costs and its joys.  This has just been a reminder for me to just enjoy our season and to seek God’s guidance in making our decisions.  It has been a reminder to listen to our children because we have a limited time to invest in their precious lives before they are adults.

Ecclesiastes 3:1  ” There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:”

Survival and Parenting

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They may be hard to see, but there are nine tiny little trees planted in this picture.  We had two trees die in our front yard and am hoping their replacement will thrive.   My father had been a member of the Arbor Club.   He passed in March of last year and the next month 10, actually 11 tiny sticks came in the mail for him from the Arbor Club.  They had sent him free tree starts.  My mom knowing I was wanting to plant some new trees gave them to me.   I planted them in a safer place by our tiny garden as directed.  Seven of those actually survived and I decided to go ahead and put them in a permanent home before they grew too big for me to handle this year.  There are two other trees that seeded in a flower garden that I transferred last fall.   I had counted those trees as dead because the tops of the trees completely died.  Low and behold this spring green springs of life came from lower on the trunks of those trees and they appear to be thriving.

The odds are against these little trees.  My husband and I are not even close to being arborists or arboriculturist.  I know I have made a thousand mistakes in caring for this gift of life already.  My prayer is that they will grow into beauties despite my mistakes and lack of expertise.

This has reminded me of parenthood.  God has entrusted Mike and I with two young lives.   We are not perfect parents.  We have already made thousands of mistakes.  My prayer is that their lives grow into beauties despite the mistakes and lack of expertise.   The trees and our children were created by God.  They are his to begin with.  We are just the stewards.

Like the trees I planted last fall sometimes children can be slow to blossom, make mistakes, seem like they are giving up.  Our job is to be patient, love, encourage, train, provide, and just wait to see what God will turn their life into.  They may have weak branches, but wait to see what the roots they have been given do.

I am so grateful that my creator God is patient, loving, encouraging, trains, and provides for me despite my mistakes.

Mother

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With this being Mother’s Day I have been reflecting all day on the mother God chose to give me.  He could have not planned my life at all or planned for me to be placed in a horrific situation.  Instead He created me and placed me with the most loving and Godly parents a person could wish for.  There are not enough words to describe the humbling gratitude I feel when I think of my parents and my mother specifically on Mother’s Day.  My mother’s own mother passed when my mother was just shy of turning 12 years old.  It was an unexpected death and my mother didn’t get to say “I love you” one last time or good bye.  I truly can’t imagine what she went through yet God got her through without an ounce of anger and bitterness.  There have been many situations in life that I have witnessed her “survive”.  She always continues on with the joy of Jesus radiating from her often as bright as sunbeams.  The unexpected loss of my father being the most recent trial she has endured with tremendous strength, grace, and joy.   Having been a wife for 44 years and a wife of a pastor for the majority of those years her world changed dramatically within just a few moments.   As a retired school teacher she now was left without the “jobs” of wife and pastor’s wife as well. Instead of folding up into a lonely ball of despair I watched this amazing women continue on with her life of selflessness.  She dove right into the lives of my sister’s and my children.  She began volunteering at the elementary school my sister works in investing her time and life into the lives of other children.  She began volunteering at a special ministry of our church that provides counseling and benevolence help.  She partnered up with me in our churches Awana program and helps 3rd and 4th grade girls memorize scripture from God’s Word.  My mother is truly the most selfless person I know.  When it came to clothing or her needs she always made sure my sister and I had what we needed before ever buying for herself.  In fact she still has some of my old sweaters from when I was in high school and still wears them.  Happy to take the “left overs”.

My mother is a true living example of motherhood and how God intended motherhood to be.  Her life has taught me so much more than any schooling of any kind ever could.  She is the most beautiful, loving, God fearing, strong woman that I know.  I will be eternally grateful for my sweet little momma.  What God didn’t give her in stature he gave her in a giant sized heart and faith!!

Proverbs 31:28-30 “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. ‘many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

I Really Don’t Want the Easy Button

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It is good to reflect on one’s life from time to time.  Reflecting on my own life journey I remember the road that led me to my sweet husband. A poster that I had as a kid of a big frog read “Sometimes you have to kiss a few toads before you find your prince.”  I guess I took that poster to heart.  That journey was not easy.

School and my teen years weren’t always the easiest many times filled with lots of learning from mistakes and disappointments.

Nursing school was far from easy and there are days as a nurse that I have to wonder how many challenges can possibly occur and one still survive with some sanity.

Motherhood oh how does one even summarize the difficulties as a parent.  Pregnancy and childbirth…easy is definitely not the word to describe the physical strain this ensues on the human body.  There is no pain so worth every minute even though it was not easy.

To stand one’s ground as a toddler throws a fit in a public environment.  Not easy, but worth every ounce of embarrassment and strained ears to raise a child that realizes the world is not all about them and that they will have disappointments.

To say no to a teenager or preteen who may scream “I hate you”.   Not easy, but at some point in time they will thank you for loving them enough to protect them by saying “no”.

Being a follower of Jesus is not always easy.  There can be opposition, ridicule, persecution, and possibly death for staying true to one’s faith in Jesus Christ.  Eternal life and knowing that I can do nothing near of what Jesus did for me makes any little bit of rejection seem very miniscule.

Anything worth anything in this life doesn’t come easy.  If it does then maybe it is actually something that is not worth having.  Life is hard, it is work, it can be painful, it can be sad, it can be disappointing.  Why would God allow this?  It is what we become on the other side of the struggle that is truly valuable. Through every trial and challenge God has brought me through wiser, stronger, and with greater faith in who He is.

There are so many things I look back on and wonder how did I ever do that?  The answer is always by the Grace of God that is how.  It was never “I” got “me” through.  It has always been God has carried me through.

One day as I leave this life on earth there will be a flash of all that this journey of mine has entailed.  I will look back and realize though life was not always easy the journey was worth it.

James 1:2-3 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

1 Peter 1:6-7 ” In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

Matthew 25:21 “His master replied, ‘well done, good and faithful servant:  You have been faithful with a few things; I will put your in charge of many things.  Come and share in your master’s happiness!”

No, I really don’t want life’s easy button.  The journey God has planned is what I truly want because He knows what is in store on the other side.

Raising a Teenager

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This morning our fourteen year old walked out of the bathroom all ready for school dressed in one of her new Christmas sweaters.  I literally had to do a double take.  Yes she is my offspring and I am looking through the lenses of a loving mother’s eyes, but had she been anyone else I would have thought the same thing.   “She is beautiful!”  I told her, “Michaela you look really pretty today.  You look pretty everyday, but especially today.”   Even her little sister complimented her hair. The next time I saw the girl she had gone and completely changed what she was wearing.  She now had an old flannel shirt with a Cami shirt underneath.  She now looked like the Brawny Paper Towel guy.  If she had a grizzly beard she would have been able to pass for a lumber jack.  She still looked pretty to me, but not near the stunning presentation that she previously had.  Of course I had to give her a hard time about when one is fourteen everyday is opposite day.  “My mother said I look pretty so that must mean I look like a complete troll!!!!!”

I had to laugh because I went through my “opposite” days too.  Whatever God and my parents said I had an incredible desire to push the limits and go the complete opposite direction.  Some days I could suppress that instinct and others I gave in and often suffered the consequences of doing things “my” way.  The older I get the more I want to be completely in line with God’s authority.

Clothes are not a big deal to this mother as long as they are appropriately modest and fall within the school’s dress code.  Personally I am much more relaxed in a pair of hiking boots and a flannel shirt in the winter and flip flops and a tank top in the summer.  So I get it.  Raising teen daughters is going to be a whole new parenting adventure.

Galatians 5:17 “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.  They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.”

What Will You Leave Behind?

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For some time now our youngest daughter has been telling me I need a new Bible.  In her words mine is “too crusty”.   A new Bible was my special gift from my husband and children this year.  They got me a study Bible because they thought it would be helpful in teaching Sunday school.  The gift and the wonderful thought my family put into it will be something I will always cherish!  What is of the greatest value to me is the fact that she thought my Bible was too worn.  This got me to thinking about what do I really want to leave behind when God calls me home.  Do I want to be shiny and new possessing a shiny new Bible?  Do I want to have riches and material things stored up?  Here is a list of what I truly want to leave behind someday.   What would your list consist of?

As a mother what do I want to leave behind for my children?

I want to leave behind worn out Bibles from hours spent seeking God’s wisdom in how to raise them and how to live.

I want to leave behind worn out knees from hours of praying for guidance, for protection, for my family, and the world we live in.

I want to leave behind worn out hands from a life spent serving others.

I want to leave behind a worn out back from helping others carry their burdens and giving them to God.

I want to leave behind worn out feet from working and never being idle.

I want to leave behind a worn out heart from loving, empathizing, and having compassion for all others.

I want to leave behind worn out vocal cords from singing God’s praise.

I want to leave behind a life well spent and lived to the fullest.

I want to bring the only thing that I can bring when I die and that is friends and family my life has helped lead to Jesus.

Matthew 6:19-21 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

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Artistic Freedom

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The pictured Mr. and Mrs. Claus are now 33 years old.  Each member of my third grade class painted their own set of this festive couple.  What I remember of that day was that we were hurried to get them done and being rushed through this artistic outlet was frustrating to me.  Some of my classmates adorned Santa with purple eyes and green hair.  We were all proud of our own colorful interpretations of the couple. Apparently after school the teacher caved to her own obsessive compulsiveness, perfectionism, control freaky issues and got a little excessive with touching up these fun characters.  The next day when we were allowed to collect our Mr. and Mrs. Claus I could not find mine.   My name was on the bottom of these, but I just knew they were not what I had painted.  The big give away was the fact that I distinctly remembered painting Santa’s mustache.  There were other details that had disappeared to my own artwork and now all that was left was this imposter couple.  I remember crying out “Mine are gone!!”  One of my classmates picked these up and said well these have your name on them!  My teacher tried to console me and said she didn’t change anything only did a little touch up.  The words “Well you touched the mustache right off his face!” were what I wanted to blurt out.  Out of respect I begrudgingly took the imposter Mr. and Mrs. Claus home and they remain in my Christmas decorations to this day.

So often as adults, teachers, parents, and leaders we do just what my third grade teacher did.  Instead of letting our children learn from mistakes we try to just cover them up, do the work for them, and try to correct issues.  This is impossible as we are far from perfect ourselves.  In my teacher’s effort to beautify Santa and Mrs. Claus she forgot to repaint his mustache.  She couldn’t perfect my work either.

What is awesome about God is that He takes us just as we are.  However flawed we are He loves us.  Other people and things of this world may tell us how and what we need to do to be perfect, but they are flawed themselves.  The only perfection is Jesus Christ.  He is the only one qualified to cover all of the imperfections of our lives.

The thing I love about the artwork of a child is that as they grow you get to see how their skills grow.  Coloring goes from purple scribbles all over the page to coloring between the lines.  If we try to cover up their imperfections we miss out in seeing their growth and development of skills.

God has allowed us to make choices in our lives.  No matter how bad or wrong He can bring about perfection within us through His Son Jesus.

A small broken sinner comes to Jesus with all the imperfections and Jesus covers all those terrible blots and blunders.  As the sinner learns and grows Jesus turns an imperfect life and person into a beautiful piece of art.  As the journey of this life ends, the believer finds themselves at the feet of Jesus. It is then that the  picture of this life is fully complete.    As we learn and grow in our faith we can look back on what we once were and see how God is making a once broken life perfectly beautiful.

Philippians 1:6 “being confident in this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

Peace…

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As a parent there are a lot of “things” that can make us proud of our children.  There are awards and accomplishments that our children may earn through hard work.  Worldly successes are nice, but very short lived.  A friend of mine told me something her daughter had said about my youngest daughter yesterday evening after watching the kids perform in a school musical.  The two girls have gotten more acquainted through the middle school musical this year.  She told me her daughter said that she enjoys being around Cora because she is “peaceful and doesn’t complain”.   Children are usually the most honest and truthful judges of character.  I couldn’t help but feel my heart warm with these words.  To be known as a person of peace is really the greatest compliment I honestly can think of.

The times we live in are so tremulous.  The town of Ferguson and so many parts of this world are in a state of turmoil.  Everyday I hear of middle school drama, high school drama, hear the most ridiculous stories on news media, and see social media drama.  To be known as a person of peace who brings about a calming effect for others is indeed rare.

Where do we find true peace?  True peace comes from having a relationship with Jesus.  The more we focus on the ways of God and not on ourselves the more he fills our souls with peace.  This is a characteristic I have watched grow in my own children and husband after they chose to follow Christ.  It is something that Jesus continues to grow in me daily.  Even in the toughest times Jesus will fill us with an indescribable calming peace.   A peace so rare that it gets noticed.  To be known as a person of peace  as a mother I can think of no greater thing to have my child/children known for. It is something I personally strive for with God’s help every day.

Matthew 5:9 ” Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.”

John 14:27 “Peace I leave you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trust in you.”

Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Romans 14:19 “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

Where can we Find Some Rest?

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“One who runs in front of car gets TIRED, one who runs behind gets exhausted.”

It may be my age or the non-stop multi-tasking as a nurse and a mother, whatever the reason I am dog gone tired so much of the time it seems. Please say there are other mommas out there who know what I am talking about!!! Can I get an amen sister!!??? As soon as my rear end stops moving my eyes close and I am down for the count. Lets not even start on how many things I forget in a day. Falling victim to self induced perfectionism heaps further fatigue I am quite sure. When I forget things like snack for choir practice, paying for an advertisement for the school musical “playbill” to cheer on my kid, to wash soccer uniforms, schedule a dentist appointment when there are already schedule conflicts, etc… it tends to leave me feeling like a failure as a mother. Cheering for the successes of all that was actually remembered for the entire family is never the case. It seems I turn into Rocky Balboa during the times he is getting the tar beat out of him most days. The continuous calendar and timer revolving around in my brain has led me to think about the word “rest”. What is rest? Why is it sometimes when I do sleep I wake up feeling unrested? When do I feel the most at “rest” in my day to day life?

Rest and peace seem to only truly come when I am in complete surrender to God. When I sit at this computer and ask God to empty me of all my thoughts and for Him to fill me with His thoughts. When I sit and study the Bible. Each time I sit in the church pew and listen to the Word of God being preached unashamedly by my pastor. When teaching middle school girls or my girls in Awana and they respond with deeply searching questions. As the Holy Spirit works through me with the answers giving me the words and wisdom needed in that moment that is when I feel truly at rest. From the book of Genesis to the book of Revelation the concept of rest is continuously brought up. After God spent six days creating the earth on the seventh day “He rested”. The biblical word “Sabbath” means a day of resting or abstaining from work. Keeping the Sabbath day Holy (set apart for time with God) is actually one of the ten commandments.
Matthew 11:28-30 says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Psalm 62:1-2 “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”

When we are truly resting in God’s love and His presence we are also under His full protection. When our focus is on Him we aren’t tempted to put anything and everything else above Him. We aren’t distracted by all the busy things in this life. We are no longer depressed over our imperfections because we are in the presence of God’s perfection. Hebrews chapter four really jumped out at me the other day as I was having my “rest” time with God. It talks about how God has promised us rest when we truly put our faith and trust in His Son Jesus Christ, the Great High Priest. Those who hear about the good news of how God sent His Son Jesus to die for our sins and do not accept it with faith will never enter God’s rest. I would like to quote the whole chapter, but here are a few highlights. Verse 1 “Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it.” 6 “It remains that some will enter that rest, and those who formerly had the gospel preached to them did not go in, because of their disobedience.” 10-11 “for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.”

The theme of this blog is living a life that is free. The only true freedom, rest, and peace that I have found is through the Son of God, Jesus. When I am feeling restless and burdened by this life I thank God that He is right there waiting for me to turn to Him and ask for His rest.

Isaiah 40:28-31 “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God the Creator of the ends of the earth He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”