Motherhood/children

Are You Just Running Through Life Like a Ladybug?

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Several Sundays ago as our pastor preached a sermon about God’s purpose for our lives this lady bug pictured above caught my eye.  The insect was on the back of the chair directly in front of me.  He walked along the top of the back of the chair one direction and started down the side then the next thing I noticed he had climbed back to the top and went on across to the side from where he just came.  He repeated his trek multiple times.  Back and forth back and forth.  At one point the bug paused and looked straight towards me. We stared at each other for what felt like minutes.  Our pastor preached on Deuteronomy 11:10-24 stressing how God’s word teaches us to  serve and love God with all our heart and soul.  He pointed out that when God is our focus all aspects of our lives fall into place with His provision, presence, promise, and protection.  God gives us direction and a purpose in this chaotic world.  The lady bug seemed to be placed very timely and specifically for me in that moment.  He seemed to just be expending all his energy for nothing.  He was just working and walking with no goal, no focus, no point.  I was reminded of the passage in Ecclesiastes 1:1-18 mostly focusing on King Solomon’s words “Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly meaningless!  Everything is meaningless!”

My mind then wondered how often I look like and feel like this ladybug.  Just running in circles, going back and forth, trying to solve the world’s problems, my own problems, and do everything on my own.  God never intended this for His creation.  His intention was to have a personal relationship with each and everyone of us.  For our lives to have very significant meaning within His purpose and plan.  As people close to me lose family members, friends have children battling cancer, as I see people I love overcome with grief and loss, a family in our area just lost their eight year old to cancer, young fathers and mothers battle life-threatening illness,  the world seems over run with hatred and violence, all forms of government seem to be in a complete mess, people are missing,  people are starving… I feel helpless within my own strength to be of any help.  Helpless within my own power to make any sort of difference.

But when I turn my focus to loving God He reminds me of His love and power.

I can’t cure cancer, but I personally know the one who can.

I can’t bring peace and hope to a grieving heart, but I personally know the one who can.

I can’t cure the evil and the devastation evil acts bring upon lives, but I personally know the one who can.

I can’t save the world, but I personally know the one who can.

I don’t even have a clue how I can juggle service ministries, motherhood, work full-time as a nurse, care for our home, and now deepen my role as a mother by becoming a foster parent, but I personally know the one who can.

My prayer is for my eyes to look to Jesus and focus solely on Him.  To fully trust the creator, my Savior, my Redeemer, my Father, my best friend, my protector, my organizer, my time keeper, my patience giver, my strength, my everything…   without Him everything is meaningless…

Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

 

Hug Like it’s Your Last

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Joes grandma

We can learn a lot from this sweet lady pictured above.  Her name is Donna.  She is my sister’s husband’s grandmother.  Great grandmother to my nephew and niece.   When I think of the definition of “Fun Grandma”  she fits the description perfectly.  My sister’s picture captures her character as you can see.

How many grandmas do you know that play volleyball into their 80’s?  She is the only one I know.  Donna played volleyball regularly unless her health held her back here in these last months.  She even played up to about a month ago.  Donna is a cancer survivor having battled cancer in her 40’s.  It took another 40 years before it reared it’s ugly head again.  In the meantime she LIVED.

Being a distant non-relative  I know her from just a few family gatherings, the stories, and the impact she has had on my sister and her family.  Living 9 hours away she was able to make one last visit back in early November and was present at my niece’s birthday party.  As she was leaving that evening and saying her good byes she stopped right in front of me.  What she did next has truly made an impact on me.   Donna turned looked me right in the face and in the eyes and said the sweetest most sincere good bye.  She then hugged me so very tight.  This 87 year old volleyball player could squeeze tight let me tell ya!!!    I knew she was saying her goodbyes to everyone and she made this “non-relative” even feel significant by her sincerity.

A few weeks ago while she was still physically able she wrote in a card for my nephew’s birthday and the family waited to mail it for her so it would arrive on his birthday.  She passed just the evening before Ben’s birthday.  What a treasure her sweet words of love and encouragement in that card will forever be.

Donna has got me to thinking “What if we lived everyday like a cancer survivor?”   “What if we treated every good bye and every hug as if it is our last?”  We don’t always know when our life on this earth is coming to a close.  None of us know when our last breath will be.  None of us are guaranteed tomorrow.

This Christmas hug your family tight.  Look each other in the eyes and say kind and sincere words of love and encouragement.  This Christmas have fun and laugh!!  We just never know when it is our last.

A Strong Clue That You Are Following God’s Plan Foster/Adopt #4

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In all of our sixteen years of marriage Mike and I have never felt more under attack since we decided to take the step of faith to become licensed foster parents.

As a nurse I have cared for the drug addicted, mentally ill, abusive, and suicidal. I have cared for children on the receiving end of all sorts of abuse. I have cared for the broken, lost, and angry who lash out at those who are genuinely trying to help. God has given me the strength to love patients and families throughout my career. He has helped me on countless occasions to not judge and show compassion. I am not 100% perfect in non-judgemental, loving compassion of all humanity ALL the time, but it has grown easier and easier through the years with God’s help. That being said it is one thing to take care of the broken at work. It is a whole other ball-game to invite the broken into your home. Not just inviting the broken but the government as well.

It has been knowing what foster care would truly involve that has taken me over six years to surrender to taking this step of faith. After that sermon from our youth pastor mentioned in the first foster/adopt post my husband and I discussed finally moving forward with licensure. His statement to me was “I have always been good with it. It has been you that has struggled.”
Ok fair enough. Now as we have completed two thirds of our pride foster parent classes he has developed some of the same fears I have faced over the last six years. These classes can be sobering and emotionally draining as many worst case scenarios are shared. How the tables have turned as I feel a stronger determination not to give up and also that I want to not give up on any child placed in our care. As well as help that child’s family if at all possible. Mike on the other hand is questioning and he mentioned the word fear several times. We have both been stressed, cranky, and overwhelmed. Attacks by Satan worse than ever on our own personal attitudes and patience. In our discussion I mentioned that fear is Satan’s strongest tool to prevent people from taking steps of faith. It is only fear and our own selfishness that truly makes this decision hard. God provides scripture at the most critical times as the story of Peter walking on the water to Jesus came to mind. I reminded Mike that as soon as Peter started to become fearful of the storm and waves he sank. (Matthew 14:22-33)When we stop looking toward Jesus and look at all the dangers around us we will never truly follow the path God has for us.

The image of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane so often comes to mind.  Being fully human knowing the pain, suffering, and the weight of bearing the sin of the entire world Jesus prayed “not my will but yours be done”.   Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good of all humanity.   Brings the sacrifices made to make a difference in at least one young life into a whole new perspective.  (Matthew 26:36-46)

2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

When God’s Voice is Louder (Foster/adopt a child 2)

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Our journey to become licensed foster parents has barely begun and we hit our first road block.  Our above ground pool is an issue.  There are all types of rules to having a pool when a foster parent.  The rules are understandable and basically we need to turn it into Fort Knox or build the Great Wall of China around it.  Earlier this summer as I wrote in the “Just Five or Six More Summers” blog we were faced with replacing the liner of the pool.  At the time I felt God urging me that it was the best stewardship to just repair the pool rather than take it down.  So we invested in the necessary repairs and went on.  Little did I know how much stronger God was going to place this burden of foster care on my heart just a few short months later, but God knew.  There was also no awareness that our pool set up would be considered “climbable”  by a small child.  I am not sure my five foot five inch build could climb it, but a strong-willed, strong-bodied, beef-cake toddler could very well prove it unsafe.  As I received the news from the case worker Friday I found myself back in an “arguing with God” moment.  Exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally from the week I yelled out “Why on earth would you put this on my heart if we can’t do it!?”  “Why would you give me the green light to invest in fixing the pool just to tell us to take it down!???!!”    After I prayed/said/asked my piece and started to listen God started to provide the answers.   One answer He provided was actually a question right back at me.  “What is a greater sacrifice Anita,  to give up a broken pool or to give up one that is fully restored?”

As I have said before I am just a sinner and I often try to fix things within my own strength instead of trusting God first so after my frustrated cries out to God I thought, measured, and researched prices of fencing.   The financial reality that the price of the fence and it’s lack of true function for our set up was just too great a cost for what the pool is worth.  By that next morning I had completely surrendered to fact that the two options we have as a family were to take the pool down and foster children or leave the pool up and not foster children.  My heart was now in complete submission that whatever we need to give up I am on board and that the life of any other human being is far more important than anything material.  The next question was what did the rest of the family feel God was telling them?  The first conversations were just between my husband and I.  After he had about twenty four hours to digest everything and pray he had come to the same point as I,  “We can just take the pool down.”   Initially a family meeting with us all together was what I thought was in order.   With the timing of a busy weekend this really wasn’t a possibility.  Separately I spoke with each daughter about the decision we were facing.  When I spoke to our youngest about the decision we faced as a family I explained the options including the ones  to get the pool to the requirements necessary.    Her words were  “that would look really dumb” when explaining how we would need to fence it or change the railing of the deck.

After allowing the girls about twenty four hours to think and to pray I asked them separately what their thoughts were about the pool.   Each of them separately said “We need to foster children.”  With each response from the most important people in my life my heart grew fuller and fuller with love toward them, toward God, and toward who ever God is planning to place within the care of our family.   He is doing an amazing work in all of our hearts.  There are so many scriptures that in my own bible study time, shared by friends on social media, and bible study/sermons at church that keep pointing us toward this decision.  It is funny that the one that has been on my heart the most has not been presented in any other way than through God bringing it up from the depths of my heart.

Matthew 25:35-40 “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,  I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me,  I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.  Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go visit you?’  The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'”

What God keeps repeating to my heart over and over is…”I was a stranger and you invited me in…”

Our Life Really isn’t Ours for the Taking, but for the Giving (foster/adopt a child 1)

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I have been debating on whether to write on this topic or not.  Due to privacy I am not really sure how much of this journey I will be able to openly share.  Realizing that my own struggles could very well be the struggles of someone else out there is the draw I have to write and share what God is doing in the life of our family and within my own heart.  The call to foster and/or adopt has been weighing on Mike and I for around six years now.  During this time I have picked up at least a dozen packets from various agencies I kept a lot of them for a while then finally pitched them.   I have questioned several people that have gone down the road of fostering/adopting and some who have adopted from other countries.  The cost of time and finances has been my largest road block.  The rest of the family has actually been open without hesitation the whole time.  It has been my own selfish struggle.

We now have the resource of an extra bedroom our kids have become older, more mature, and much easier as far as actual care.  In fact we are getting close to being “done” as far as parenting goes.  Though one is never really “done” when a parent.   A few years ago we actually were going to apply for a license to foster, but we couldn’t figure out how to even get the classes worked in with our busy schedule so I easily gave up.

Well the topic reared its head again.  The last few weeks everywhere I turned the topic of fostering children was coming up.  I literally was feeling like God was beating me over the head with it.  So much so a week ago Sunday I actually was arguing with God.  Yes, I love Jesus, I have surrendered my life to following Jesus, but unfortunately I am still just a sinner saved by grace.  I yelled at him “I keep asking you what I need to give up in my life and you are telling me to add another human being or beings?!?!?!”  “Lord I am so tired I don’t know how I can!!!”  Then we go to church that evening and our youth pastor’s sermon was on James 1:26-27 “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”  The entire sermon brought tremendous conviction and was an answer to my ridiculous prayer/temper tantrum from earlier that day.   God’s answer was this…”You take this step of faith, trust me, I will provide what you need, it will cost you, but that’s ok because I am here and have a plan”.   Every reason I have not to foster children in need is purely selfish.

Needless to say we have started the process to be licensed.  Nothing will happen over night.  There will be ups and downs.  It will be a journey, but it’s not about us.  It is not about me.  My life is not my own.  I had to laugh that one truly does have to pay to be nice in this world.  Today I took a state form to my physicians office to have filled out stating that I am physically capable of caring for children.  There was a charge to have the form filled out.  I will be honest in saying that this caused a minor irritation in me, but a reminder that it does cost to do what is right.   In this life we can give all that we have or we can be takers.  One day when I meet God face to face will he see a life that gave everything?

What can be Learned from Teaching Your Teen to Drive?

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driving

We have embarked upon a new chapter in parenthood.  Teaching our oldest to drive has brought me to a whole new level in letting go and trusting God.  This picture is actually a little over exaggeration of my level of anxiety.  She is actually doing a fine job and taking driving seriously.  In fact this is the first time in fifteen years my child has fully hung on my every word.  The child has never listened to my advice and instruction more intently.  There has been a deepening of the mother/daughter relationship as trust, listening, and obedience has been “taking the wheel”.  Coming home from school the other day she exclaimed “Hey mom we watched a video in drivers ed. and they said the exact same thing you told me in the video!!!!”  As I learn to trust her she is learning to trust the wisdom of her momma as well!

As I hear instruction spew from my own mouth on how to be prepared at all times for obstacles, drive defensively, plan ahead, focus on the road ahead of you, be aware of your surroundings, etc…  I am being reminded of my own journey through life with Jesus.  As I teach driving safety I wonder if I am teaching and leading my children to the one who can lead them through this life?

There have been times of learning the hard way by suffering a consequence of my own choices that I thought “Well that is what God’s word and my parents told me would happen”.  The more I listen to God and His word the deeper my trust in His wisdom.  The more I trust Him the more He entrusts me with His purpose, plan, joy, peace, and blessing.

As a follower of Jesus my focus should stay on the path He has placed before me.  There are always obstacles pulling out in front to stop, slam, or throw a follower of Christ off course.  It is not an easy road, but if one is armed with the Word of God and prayer then we always have the best defensive driver on our side.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”  Hebrews 12:1-2

“Show me thy ways oh Lord, teach my thy paths.”  Psalm 25:4

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.”  Psalm 119:105

Well Done…Soccer Mom Lessons

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It is amazing to me how God continues to teach me in everything and through everything in my life.  The sport of soccer continues to not only develop my children, but God is using it to teach me.  So much of what I have learned I have already expressed in “Life’s Great Coach” and “Being a Goalie is about Sacrificing for the Save”.

Through up’s and down’s, disappointment and triumph Michaela has ended up on a team that is two years older.  As the youngest player on the team this has been very intimidating to an already shy person.  Not to mention the fact that the goalie should be very vocal, a leader, and tone setter for the team. That is quite a bit of pressure on those young shoulders.  Today was her first game with her new team.  I could feel her nervousness from the sidelines.  As the game got underway she loosened up and had made some saves and a couple goals snuck by her.  The other team ended up with the opportunity to take a penalty shot against my beloved goalie.  This is the most nerve racking situation for a goalie.  It is a guessing game and the odds are basically 50/50.  She went all in with her commitment and NAILED it!!  A beautiful diving save.  Through the game she went on to make some other gorgeous diving saves just reaching the ball with the tips of her fingers.  That penalty shot was a game changer.  Her team went on to dominate the rest of the game.  It was the momentum they needed.  They didn’t win, but they tied the game up and definitely had more shots on goal than the opposing team.

After the game her smile was so radiant that my husband and I saw it from across the field as she walked toward us.  She knew she was going to hear “well done, we are so proud of you, you gave it your all…”

This made me think of how awesome it will be to smile with confidence one day meeting my Savior and Lord Jesus face to face.  I have such a long way to go and so much to learn about truly giving my all to Jesus.  Michaela’s smile today just made me that much more determined to live my life passionately for Jesus.  To give all I can to serve God and point the world toward Jesus the true game changer.

Matthew 25:21 and 23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good, and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!”

A Gift From Lonzo

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Lonzo

My daughter recently had the opportunity to go on a mission trip with a group from our church.  Sending your child off to another country isn’t necessarily the easiest thing to do and for her birthday to be while she was gone just added to my concerns.  From the day my first child was born I have considered myself just the caretaker and that my children are first and foremost God’s.  God has just given my husband and I the honor and responsibility of caring for them.  Knowing that she was going to serve, give to others, and that she was with an amazing group of people actually made sending her off fairly easy.

Social media has it’s faults, but one of it’s good qualities was getting to see the pictures from the trip roll across my news feed daily.  Of course I did a lot of creeping on the pages of those who were on the trip to get any information I could as well.  The day of her birthday this sweet picture came across my Facebook news feed.   As I got more of the story I learned that this sweet young man had stopped and caught a fish as a gift for Michaela.  He wanted to give her something so he gave what he could and what he had.   You can see by the glimmer in both of their eyes that this gift brought so much joy to each of them as it did for the entire mission team.

Last Sunday evening our church had a service for the team to share about the trip.  The fish from Lonzo was mentioned as was the generosity of these children who have very little to give.  What is given to them they often turn around and give right back.  It was mentioned that Lonzo walked thirty minutes up a mountain to go to the Vacation Bible School being held by our group.  He had worn out tennis shoes and often wore the same clothes.   As I listened my heart was touched even more by this sweet boy’s generosity and how he put such a great smile on my daughter’s face.  We can’t bring Lonzo to our home, but the thought occurred that we can get another fish.  Michaela’s fish Jerry was unable to make the trip home.

At the first opportunity I went to the pet store and purchased a small fish bowl and fish as a surprise.  My one request was that we name the fish Lonzo.   The look on my daughter’s face said it all as she saw the fish and heard its name.  Our eyes connected for what seemed like minutes and her look said it all.  It was a heart warming momma moment that seems more and more rare the older she gets.

We have done well caring for our turtles and our dogs.  Fish on the other hand, we have a few things to learn so we will most likely have Lonzo 1-100, but it is the thought and the memory that is the true gift.  Lonzo’s actual gift was short term, but his thoughtfulness, generosity, sacrifice, and joy he gave is eternal.  The little boy who wanted to give so he gave what he had and all that he really had to give.

Eternal gifts and treasure in heaven…

Matthew 6:19-20 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

When it is not Necessarily the Best that is Chosen

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This has been a struggle for our family this week.  What appears to be the best?  Who appeared to be the best from our narrow perspective?  What is everyone else saying is the best?  We are continuously bombarded with choices in our lives.  What school to apply for and where to attend, what job to apply for and take, what activities to be involved in, what sports to play and who to play for, who to date, who to marry…  the decisions go on our entire lifetime.  We continue to make them for ourselves our whole life.   After becoming parents we are a part of our children’s decisions.  Depending on the age of the child we may have to sit back and pray about the decisions of our children.

I purposely left out typing the only opinion that truly matters up above.  What and who does God say is the best?  With jobs, activities, and sports we have found that there are always politics and personal agenda’s involved with the bosses and coaches that are making the final decisions.   This week a member of our family has faced the hurt of rejection.  As a parent this is always hard.  I have found that I can handle my own rejections in life much better than one of my children being rejected.  It is hard to see them work hard and the hard work not always pay off.  At least we don’t always see an immediate pay off or what we see on the surface is defeat.  As I spoke the words “When God closes a door he always opens SOMETHING, it may be just a window or it could be a wide open door” I had to ask myself do you really believe that?  This week has been a test on my own faith that God truly knows what is best.  He knows what people He wants my child and our family’s lives to cross paths with.  As a window opened wide and quickly this week we still waited for a peep hole in the old door to open.  As time passed I found myself growing uncomfortable and edgy waiting on this tiny peep hole of an opportunity to give our daughter an answer.   Finally the thought “No, my child is worth more than this and this other window recognizes her potential”  crossed my mind.

It is not always the bigger flashier names,  what looks the prettiest, or most appealing that God does great things through.  I am excited to see what my daughter’s new opportunity will bring and how God will work things together for her good and for His glory.   Her excitement and relief about the unanimous decision said it all.

Right before her disappointment we had watched the movie “Soul Surfer”  Bethany Hamilton’s story for about the 100th time.  Bethany Hamilton has been a hero to both of my girls since the movie came out and we love watching her life unfold on social media.   After watching this movie I reminded the girls to find their passion in life, work hard, and give God all the glory.  I went on to say to them “allow God to work through you and use what your passionate about as your platform to share the love of Jesus”.

There will always be rejection, unfairness, and disappointments in life.  God never rejects those who seek him, He is the only true fair judge with no politics, and he will never disappoint as He always keeps his promises.

Jeremiah 29:11 ” For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”