I have been debating on whether to write on this topic or not. Due to privacy I am not really sure how much of this journey I will be able to openly share. Realizing that my own struggles could very well be the struggles of someone else out there is the draw I have to write and share what God is doing in the life of our family and within my own heart. The call to foster and/or adopt has been weighing on Mike and I for around six years now. During this time I have picked up at least a dozen packets from various agencies I kept a lot of them for a while then finally pitched them. I have questioned several people that have gone down the road of fostering/adopting and some who have adopted from other countries. The cost of time and finances has been my largest road block. The rest of the family has actually been open without hesitation the whole time. It has been my own selfish struggle.
We now have the resource of an extra bedroom our kids have become older, more mature, and much easier as far as actual care. In fact we are getting close to being “done” as far as parenting goes. Though one is never really “done” when a parent. A few years ago we actually were going to apply for a license to foster, but we couldn’t figure out how to even get the classes worked in with our busy schedule so I easily gave up.
Well the topic reared its head again. The last few weeks everywhere I turned the topic of fostering children was coming up. I literally was feeling like God was beating me over the head with it. So much so a week ago Sunday I actually was arguing with God. Yes, I love Jesus, I have surrendered my life to following Jesus, but unfortunately I am still just a sinner saved by grace. I yelled at him “I keep asking you what I need to give up in my life and you are telling me to add another human being or beings?!?!?!” “Lord I am so tired I don’t know how I can!!!” Then we go to church that evening and our youth pastor’s sermon was on James 1:26-27 “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” The entire sermon brought tremendous conviction and was an answer to my ridiculous prayer/temper tantrum from earlier that day. God’s answer was this…”You take this step of faith, trust me, I will provide what you need, it will cost you, but that’s ok because I am here and have a plan”. Every reason I have not to foster children in need is purely selfish.
Needless to say we have started the process to be licensed. Nothing will happen over night. There will be ups and downs. It will be a journey, but it’s not about us. It is not about me. My life is not my own. I had to laugh that one truly does have to pay to be nice in this world. Today I took a state form to my physicians office to have filled out stating that I am physically capable of caring for children. There was a charge to have the form filled out. I will be honest in saying that this caused a minor irritation in me, but a reminder that it does cost to do what is right. In this life we can give all that we have or we can be takers. One day when I meet God face to face will he see a life that gave everything?