Some days There is Just Nothing Left

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There are days as a wife, mother, foster mother, and nurse I really just want to quit.  Everywhere I am there are demands.  Everywhere I am everyone else’s needs must come first.  I heard myself saying the other day that I am just content if I get some decent sleep and actually get to eat a meal.

God keeps impressing on my heart to just be real.  To share my failures, my hurts, my pain, and His victories within me with the rest of the world.  Or at least whoever it is he leads to read.  I keep finding myself at deeper all time lows.  Sunday night I was at the point that all I felt I had left to give on this earth was my very breath.  I seriously was at the point not of self harm, but at the point of Lord I really just want to come home with you.  Can you take me now?

Our family continues to get attacked by Satan himself.  We have never had this much bombardment since moving forward with our foster care license last year.  It has only doubled since we said yes to our first placement after being licensed.  Each and every family member has been hit by these attacks.  The devil himself does not want our family to succeed.  The devil wants nothing more than to destroy this young one whose life was literally snatched out of his grasp.  The devil wants nothing more than for our family to split and be destroyed.  He wants our lives to only make an impact on others of destruction not hope.

This morning on the radio one of my favorite Christian artists and his wife were actually live in the studio.  Chris Tomlin sang one of his newer songs “Jesus” live on air.  The tears just started streaming as I focused on my Savior Jesus and what He did for me, for my family, and for the whole world.   No matter how much I give up and give in.  No matter how much I forgive.  No matter how much life seems unfair.  Nothing can compare or even come close to what Jesus gave.  I can not out give Him.   So I need to stop and just keep looking to Him.  When I feel like EVERYTHING is on me and my shoulders.  When I feel so taken advantage of.  I need to stop and look to Jesus because no one carried a greater weight.   No one has ever been and continues to be so taken advantage of.   Jesus, my Jesus, my Lord, my weight carrier.   Jesus you love me like no other.  Jesus you put up with so much from me.  Jesus I take you so for granted and slip into  the “only looking to you when I really need you” pattern.  The truth is I need you every moment and with every breath I breathe!!!   Jesus is my sustainer!  Jesus is my victory!!  There is no one like you Jesus!!

Where can we Find Some Rest?

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“One who runs in front of car gets TIRED, one who runs behind gets exhausted.”

It may be my age or the non-stop multi-tasking as a nurse and a mother, whatever the reason I am dog gone tired so much of the time it seems. Please say there are other mommas out there who know what I am talking about!!! Can I get an amen sister!!??? As soon as my rear end stops moving my eyes close and I am down for the count. Lets not even start on how many things I forget in a day. Falling victim to self induced perfectionism heaps further fatigue I am quite sure. When I forget things like snack for choir practice, paying for an advertisement for the school musical “playbill” to cheer on my kid, to wash soccer uniforms, schedule a dentist appointment when there are already schedule conflicts, etc… it tends to leave me feeling like a failure as a mother. Cheering for the successes of all that was actually remembered for the entire family is never the case. It seems I turn into Rocky Balboa during the times he is getting the tar beat out of him most days. The continuous calendar and timer revolving around in my brain has led me to think about the word “rest”. What is rest? Why is it sometimes when I do sleep I wake up feeling unrested? When do I feel the most at “rest” in my day to day life?

Rest and peace seem to only truly come when I am in complete surrender to God. When I sit at this computer and ask God to empty me of all my thoughts and for Him to fill me with His thoughts. When I sit and study the Bible. Each time I sit in the church pew and listen to the Word of God being preached unashamedly by my pastor. When teaching middle school girls or my girls in Awana and they respond with deeply searching questions. As the Holy Spirit works through me with the answers giving me the words and wisdom needed in that moment that is when I feel truly at rest. From the book of Genesis to the book of Revelation the concept of rest is continuously brought up. After God spent six days creating the earth on the seventh day “He rested”. The biblical word “Sabbath” means a day of resting or abstaining from work. Keeping the Sabbath day Holy (set apart for time with God) is actually one of the ten commandments.
Matthew 11:28-30 says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Psalm 62:1-2 “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”

When we are truly resting in God’s love and His presence we are also under His full protection. When our focus is on Him we aren’t tempted to put anything and everything else above Him. We aren’t distracted by all the busy things in this life. We are no longer depressed over our imperfections because we are in the presence of God’s perfection. Hebrews chapter four really jumped out at me the other day as I was having my “rest” time with God. It talks about how God has promised us rest when we truly put our faith and trust in His Son Jesus Christ, the Great High Priest. Those who hear about the good news of how God sent His Son Jesus to die for our sins and do not accept it with faith will never enter God’s rest. I would like to quote the whole chapter, but here are a few highlights. Verse 1 “Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it.” 6 “It remains that some will enter that rest, and those who formerly had the gospel preached to them did not go in, because of their disobedience.” 10-11 “for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.”

The theme of this blog is living a life that is free. The only true freedom, rest, and peace that I have found is through the Son of God, Jesus. When I am feeling restless and burdened by this life I thank God that He is right there waiting for me to turn to Him and ask for His rest.

Isaiah 40:28-31 “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God the Creator of the ends of the earth He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”