Motherhood

Mother

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raindrops on roses
With this being Mother’s Day I have been reflecting all day on the mother God chose to give me.  He could have not planned my life at all or planned for me to be placed in a horrific situation.  Instead He created me and placed me with the most loving and Godly parents a person could wish for.  There are not enough words to describe the humbling gratitude I feel when I think of my parents and my mother specifically on Mother’s Day.  My mother’s own mother passed when my mother was just shy of turning 12 years old.  It was an unexpected death and my mother didn’t get to say “I love you” one last time or good bye.  I truly can’t imagine what she went through yet God got her through without an ounce of anger and bitterness.  There have been many situations in life that I have witnessed her “survive”.  She always continues on with the joy of Jesus radiating from her often as bright as sunbeams.  The unexpected loss of my father being the most recent trial she has endured with tremendous strength, grace, and joy.   Having been a wife for 44 years and a wife of a pastor for the majority of those years her world changed dramatically within just a few moments.   As a retired school teacher she now was left without the “jobs” of wife and pastor’s wife as well. Instead of folding up into a lonely ball of despair I watched this amazing women continue on with her life of selflessness.  She dove right into the lives of my sister’s and my children.  She began volunteering at the elementary school my sister works in investing her time and life into the lives of other children.  She began volunteering at a special ministry of our church that provides counseling and benevolence help.  She partnered up with me in our churches Awana program and helps 3rd and 4th grade girls memorize scripture from God’s Word.  My mother is truly the most selfless person I know.  When it came to clothing or her needs she always made sure my sister and I had what we needed before ever buying for herself.  In fact she still has some of my old sweaters from when I was in high school and still wears them.  Happy to take the “left overs”.

My mother is a true living example of motherhood and how God intended motherhood to be.  Her life has taught me so much more than any schooling of any kind ever could.  She is the most beautiful, loving, God fearing, strong woman that I know.  I will be eternally grateful for my sweet little momma.  What God didn’t give her in stature he gave her in a giant sized heart and faith!!

Proverbs 31:28-30 “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. ‘many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

What to do When Your Child is Grieving…

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Maybe it has been going through the holidays with someone missing.  Maybe it is the let down after all the hype and busy time around Christmas.  Maybe it is the cold and dark days of winter.  Whatever is making the sting of missing a loved one stronger it is tough especially when it is children feeling the loss.  Today each of my girls came to me in sobs crying “I miss Papa”.

I wish I had some amazing words of wisdom how to miraculously make the pain of the loss of a loved one go away, especially for children.  There were no magic words when my best friend lost her husband and the father of her two young children.  There have been no special words for the countless friends who have lost family or even their own children.

With my girls all I could do is hug them tight and acknowledge their feelings of loss and pain.  My own mother lost her mother as a child just before turning twelve years old and she still feels that loss.  There have been times I have witnessed the grief she feels over having lost her mother.  This loss was over fifty years ago and it remains very real.  So when comforting my children I couldn’t bring myself to say “It will get better”.  To me this is not true and the loss will always be there until we go to heaven.  The sneaky pain will creep up when looking at pictures or as a special memory sends an overwhelming since of loss.

What I could encourage them to do is to carry on and focus on others.  Find what they can truly be passionate about.  To work hard doing what will please God and help others.  To be thankful to God for having known Papa.  By doing this they will make their Papa proud as well.

Our greatest passion in life can come from our deepest pains of life.  God provides the greatest healing, comfort, and purpose by turning our focus to others.

1 Peter 4:10 “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”

Of course I then reminded them that because of Jesus we will see Papa again.  Our grief is actually only for a little while until we meet again in heaven.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.”

Motherhood, a Toddler, and a Drumset

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image_music007
My first perspective of motherhood of course came from watching and learning from my own mother. She is a tiny lady of four feet and ten inches in stature. Anyone who knows her I am sure would describe her as having a joyful peace about her. Rarely speaking a stern word you know she means business if it is required of her. Her sacrificial and unconditional love can only be outdone by the sacrifice and unconditional love of Jesus Himself. Always giving and putting others first especially when it came to her husband, two daughters, and now grandchildren. There is strength about her that keeps her pressing on even within her sorrow in life. Having lost her own mother at the young age of eleven and now recently her best friend and soul mate, my father, has not taken her eyes off of what God wants for her. She has never been one to wallow in self-pity and regret. God has packed an immense amount of His love and power into the little woman he provided as my mother.
The second perspective has been becoming a mother myself. There is a significant learning curve required to learn about your own self and for each child God blesses one with. Overcoming one’s selfish tendencies is a major hurdle. Waking up in the night, physical pains, and fatigue are actually minor in comparison to what I am speaking of. There is an element of selfishness that a parent may have in wanting their child to make themselves look good. This can present itself in many ways by how much we fuss over the child’s outward appearance, sports, activities, academics, etc… The first lesson I remember as a parent in realizing my child is their own person that God created and not who I create them to be came when my first born was around the age of two. Full of energy the child never walked she ran everywhere and usually on her tippy toes. At times she was like trying to catch a greased pig and could whip in and out through obstacles quicker than I could spit out her name. One particular church service sticks in my mind. It was actually a revival service with a guest pastor. We were in the season of potty training. Potty training alone presented a huge power struggle between she and I. My daughter decided she needed to go potty right at the start of the sermon. Motherhood frustration switch now turned on. Quietly sneaking out we get to the restroom and the “never mind mom I didn’t really need to go” took place. Motherhood frustration level kicked up another degree. As we entered the sanctuary the speedy darling took off like a rocket escaping my grasping fingertips. Her eyes had focused on the huge set of shiny drums on stage. Oh yes, she ran right up onto that stage as the guest pastor was mid sermon. Motherhood frustration was in full effect now causing me to want to shrink into a hole and disclaim her as being my responsibility. I went into what seemed to be a soundless time warp as I tried coaxing her off of the stage without causing much further distraction. From what I was told she hit a ba dump dump ching on the drums fitting just at the end of one the guest pastor’s sentences as if he just told a great one liner joke. Our church thought it was absolutely hilarious. At that point in time I found no humor in it. There was just this lively two year old that I felt was my responsibility to control and I couldn’t.
The third and greatest perspective of motherhood has been God’s word. Through the years God has intertwined His scriptures along with personal experiences. His word teaches me that it isn’t about controlling my children, but about controlling me. To provide them with an earthly example of a woman who is far from perfect, but seeks her answers from God. To love them with Christ-like love no matter what the circumstances. It has become my desire for them to see my imperfections and to have a humble reaction to them so they know that there is only one that is truly perfect, Jesus. My desire is for them to keep their eyes focused on Him with their lives. At the age of two my daughter’s eyes were focused on the drum set. It was a funny moment looking back. It taught this mom to relax more, pick my battles, and to realize that an imperfect person cannot raise perfect children. We are all sinners and we all will make our own mistakes. Now I find that my desire is for my girls to focus on Jesus and to burst toward Him with rocket like speed breaking from the grasp of my fingertips and example. Their lives are about them and their relationship with God. He will give their lives the greatest ba dump dump CHING!!!! Deuteronomy 4:9 “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”

Motherhood Insanity

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Today is a prime example of a day in the life with the Lucas family. Being a natural born planner the day will start with plan “A” and it is never a surprise if we end in plan “Z” and beyond. With my career in nursing I have grown accustomed to continuous change from moment to moment. The continuous change never ends with the time clock when it comes to my main job “MOTHERHOOD”. Today started like a typical Monday with getting the kids to school, early morning honor choir, and myself to work. Before leaving home this morning I checked my e-mail to find that soccer practice had been cancelled for the youngest due to weather for this evening and tomorrow. This then led to a piano lesson change for tomorrow evening. The rest of the day was uneventful until the vague texting started at 2:59pm. My dear husband was meeting my mother at her home for an appointment she had to help her with a decision regarding her home. The text read “Where’s yo momma?” Her front door was closed and car in the garage with the door closed. The assumption was made that she was not there. This started a series of texts and phone calls made by me to my husband, mother, and even my sister. All remained unanswered. Mind you I am at work and completely powerless to the situation. Thankfully we were not super busy and I didn’t have a patient at that moment. In the meantime still not hearing from anyone on the where about of my mother another text rolls in. This text was from my oldest daughter at 3:44 pm stating simply “the meet is cancelled” no further information about her current location was given. I text back “Did you ride the bus home?” No answer in return neither to the text nor to the phone calls I made to her phone. At the time of the text the bus would have been gone and I had no idea if she was stranded at the school or what was happening. Finally at 4:02 pm my mother finally answers her phone. She had been home the entire time and her cell phone was on vibrate. Once my husband arrived home and found the oldest at home he had her call me at 4:36 pm to let me know she was ok. They have now all had lectures on vague texting with no further communication following. Thankfully with being on call for work this evening I did get home at the decent time of 5:55 pm. Upon my arrival I find out that the youngest had a concert for school and needed to be there by 6:15 pm. I look at the school calendar and it says chorus concert and she is not in chorus this year. She then informed me that it was for all of the 4th and 5th graders. Having forgotten to notify us herself nor did any notification come home to my hands this was the first I had heard of this concert. These are the moments I just take a deep cleansing breath with my eyeballs protruding like deer in the headlights and go on with the “Let’s just roll with it attitude!” Thankfully the sporting events cancelled, I didn’t need to be at work late and we were able to go to the concert. Everyone is safe and accounted for, but these are the moments that I literally can feel the gray hair bursting forth from my scalp follicles. After forty-one years I am very aware that I have absolutely no control no matter how well planned I try to be. I love God’s sense of humor as he brought me to the book of Daniel and how King Nebuchadnezzar was humbled. Daniel 4:34 “At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my SANITY was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation.” As life changes continuously from moment to moment I am so thankful that God is in control because I have absolutely no control other than my own reactions to the insanity!