children

Survival and Parenting

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They may be hard to see, but there are nine tiny little trees planted in this picture.  We had two trees die in our front yard and am hoping their replacement will thrive.   My father had been a member of the Arbor Club.   He passed in March of last year and the next month 10, actually 11 tiny sticks came in the mail for him from the Arbor Club.  They had sent him free tree starts.  My mom knowing I was wanting to plant some new trees gave them to me.   I planted them in a safer place by our tiny garden as directed.  Seven of those actually survived and I decided to go ahead and put them in a permanent home before they grew too big for me to handle this year.  There are two other trees that seeded in a flower garden that I transferred last fall.   I had counted those trees as dead because the tops of the trees completely died.  Low and behold this spring green springs of life came from lower on the trunks of those trees and they appear to be thriving.

The odds are against these little trees.  My husband and I are not even close to being arborists or arboriculturist.  I know I have made a thousand mistakes in caring for this gift of life already.  My prayer is that they will grow into beauties despite my mistakes and lack of expertise.

This has reminded me of parenthood.  God has entrusted Mike and I with two young lives.   We are not perfect parents.  We have already made thousands of mistakes.  My prayer is that their lives grow into beauties despite the mistakes and lack of expertise.   The trees and our children were created by God.  They are his to begin with.  We are just the stewards.

Like the trees I planted last fall sometimes children can be slow to blossom, make mistakes, seem like they are giving up.  Our job is to be patient, love, encourage, train, provide, and just wait to see what God will turn their life into.  They may have weak branches, but wait to see what the roots they have been given do.

I am so grateful that my creator God is patient, loving, encouraging, trains, and provides for me despite my mistakes.

Mother

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With this being Mother’s Day I have been reflecting all day on the mother God chose to give me.  He could have not planned my life at all or planned for me to be placed in a horrific situation.  Instead He created me and placed me with the most loving and Godly parents a person could wish for.  There are not enough words to describe the humbling gratitude I feel when I think of my parents and my mother specifically on Mother’s Day.  My mother’s own mother passed when my mother was just shy of turning 12 years old.  It was an unexpected death and my mother didn’t get to say “I love you” one last time or good bye.  I truly can’t imagine what she went through yet God got her through without an ounce of anger and bitterness.  There have been many situations in life that I have witnessed her “survive”.  She always continues on with the joy of Jesus radiating from her often as bright as sunbeams.  The unexpected loss of my father being the most recent trial she has endured with tremendous strength, grace, and joy.   Having been a wife for 44 years and a wife of a pastor for the majority of those years her world changed dramatically within just a few moments.   As a retired school teacher she now was left without the “jobs” of wife and pastor’s wife as well. Instead of folding up into a lonely ball of despair I watched this amazing women continue on with her life of selflessness.  She dove right into the lives of my sister’s and my children.  She began volunteering at the elementary school my sister works in investing her time and life into the lives of other children.  She began volunteering at a special ministry of our church that provides counseling and benevolence help.  She partnered up with me in our churches Awana program and helps 3rd and 4th grade girls memorize scripture from God’s Word.  My mother is truly the most selfless person I know.  When it came to clothing or her needs she always made sure my sister and I had what we needed before ever buying for herself.  In fact she still has some of my old sweaters from when I was in high school and still wears them.  Happy to take the “left overs”.

My mother is a true living example of motherhood and how God intended motherhood to be.  Her life has taught me so much more than any schooling of any kind ever could.  She is the most beautiful, loving, God fearing, strong woman that I know.  I will be eternally grateful for my sweet little momma.  What God didn’t give her in stature he gave her in a giant sized heart and faith!!

Proverbs 31:28-30 “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. ‘many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

We Can’t Protect our Kids from Life Forever

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About five years ago our pet cat’s health was failing.  Each day I observed that breathing became a greater and greater struggle for him.  My suspicion was heart failure.  I knew there was a decision that needed to be made.  Not wanting to make the decision to put him down I had hoped the cat would decide for me and pass peacefully in his sleep here at home.  No such luck.  The day of the veterinarian appointment arrived and our dear pet was still hanging on.  My two daughters and I took our sweet “Chauncy” to the vet and my suspicions were confirmed.  The vet looked at me, nodded, and said “yes it is time”.  He asked if we wanted to be in the room.  I immediately blurted out “yes” not really thinking twice about what the girls would think.  My assumption was that they would want to be with their buddy as he breathed his last.  It was later that day or maybe the next day that my youngest daughter yelled at me that I made her go into that room.  Of course I apologized because I had no clue that I was forcing her.  I answered “yes” when the vet asked if we wanted to be present.  I heard no protest from the girls and thought all was fine other than the heart break of losing our beloved pet.  Once I had her look through the eyes of our cat her anger toward me was resolved.  I asked her how she would feel if she were Chauncy on that cold metal table left to breath his last with a stranger?  Then I asked if it would have been more comforting to Chauncy to be surrounded by his family that loved him?  She agreed that our presence was much better for our suffering cat.

Now we have gone from losing a beloved pet about five years ago to losing a beloved grandpa just short of a year ago.  Now the girl’s other beloved grandpa is so very very sick. I can’t protect them from the feeling of hurt and loss.  Death is a natural part of life and it is something that everyone that loves others has to face.  With the sorrow the realization of the blessing of that loved one is realized much more greatly.  It is so hard to watch those you love who were once so full of life struggle.  Life is so hard and somehow we need to teach our children how to embrace each moment with those we love.  To teach them to  be thankful for the sweet memories.  To be supportive and not turn their backs when those we love need us most.

“Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.      

As a parent I feel a tremendous responsibility to teach my children how to truly live.

Raising a Teenager

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brawny guy

This morning our fourteen year old walked out of the bathroom all ready for school dressed in one of her new Christmas sweaters.  I literally had to do a double take.  Yes she is my offspring and I am looking through the lenses of a loving mother’s eyes, but had she been anyone else I would have thought the same thing.   “She is beautiful!”  I told her, “Michaela you look really pretty today.  You look pretty everyday, but especially today.”   Even her little sister complimented her hair. The next time I saw the girl she had gone and completely changed what she was wearing.  She now had an old flannel shirt with a Cami shirt underneath.  She now looked like the Brawny Paper Towel guy.  If she had a grizzly beard she would have been able to pass for a lumber jack.  She still looked pretty to me, but not near the stunning presentation that she previously had.  Of course I had to give her a hard time about when one is fourteen everyday is opposite day.  “My mother said I look pretty so that must mean I look like a complete troll!!!!!”

I had to laugh because I went through my “opposite” days too.  Whatever God and my parents said I had an incredible desire to push the limits and go the complete opposite direction.  Some days I could suppress that instinct and others I gave in and often suffered the consequences of doing things “my” way.  The older I get the more I want to be completely in line with God’s authority.

Clothes are not a big deal to this mother as long as they are appropriately modest and fall within the school’s dress code.  Personally I am much more relaxed in a pair of hiking boots and a flannel shirt in the winter and flip flops and a tank top in the summer.  So I get it.  Raising teen daughters is going to be a whole new parenting adventure.

Galatians 5:17 “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.  They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.”

What to do When Your Child is Grieving…

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Maybe it has been going through the holidays with someone missing.  Maybe it is the let down after all the hype and busy time around Christmas.  Maybe it is the cold and dark days of winter.  Whatever is making the sting of missing a loved one stronger it is tough especially when it is children feeling the loss.  Today each of my girls came to me in sobs crying “I miss Papa”.

I wish I had some amazing words of wisdom how to miraculously make the pain of the loss of a loved one go away, especially for children.  There were no magic words when my best friend lost her husband and the father of her two young children.  There have been no special words for the countless friends who have lost family or even their own children.

With my girls all I could do is hug them tight and acknowledge their feelings of loss and pain.  My own mother lost her mother as a child just before turning twelve years old and she still feels that loss.  There have been times I have witnessed the grief she feels over having lost her mother.  This loss was over fifty years ago and it remains very real.  So when comforting my children I couldn’t bring myself to say “It will get better”.  To me this is not true and the loss will always be there until we go to heaven.  The sneaky pain will creep up when looking at pictures or as a special memory sends an overwhelming since of loss.

What I could encourage them to do is to carry on and focus on others.  Find what they can truly be passionate about.  To work hard doing what will please God and help others.  To be thankful to God for having known Papa.  By doing this they will make their Papa proud as well.

Our greatest passion in life can come from our deepest pains of life.  God provides the greatest healing, comfort, and purpose by turning our focus to others.

1 Peter 4:10 “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”

Of course I then reminded them that because of Jesus we will see Papa again.  Our grief is actually only for a little while until we meet again in heaven.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.”

What Will You Leave Behind?

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For some time now our youngest daughter has been telling me I need a new Bible.  In her words mine is “too crusty”.   A new Bible was my special gift from my husband and children this year.  They got me a study Bible because they thought it would be helpful in teaching Sunday school.  The gift and the wonderful thought my family put into it will be something I will always cherish!  What is of the greatest value to me is the fact that she thought my Bible was too worn.  This got me to thinking about what do I really want to leave behind when God calls me home.  Do I want to be shiny and new possessing a shiny new Bible?  Do I want to have riches and material things stored up?  Here is a list of what I truly want to leave behind someday.   What would your list consist of?

As a mother what do I want to leave behind for my children?

I want to leave behind worn out Bibles from hours spent seeking God’s wisdom in how to raise them and how to live.

I want to leave behind worn out knees from hours of praying for guidance, for protection, for my family, and the world we live in.

I want to leave behind worn out hands from a life spent serving others.

I want to leave behind a worn out back from helping others carry their burdens and giving them to God.

I want to leave behind worn out feet from working and never being idle.

I want to leave behind a worn out heart from loving, empathizing, and having compassion for all others.

I want to leave behind worn out vocal cords from singing God’s praise.

I want to leave behind a life well spent and lived to the fullest.

I want to bring the only thing that I can bring when I die and that is friends and family my life has helped lead to Jesus.

Matthew 6:19-21 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

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Parenting Hair Pull Outs!!!

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One thing I am learning as a parent is that it is so hard to know when to remain quiet and allow my children to make their own choices and mistakes.  It is a concept that can make us want to pull our hair out and scream many days.  As parents we see the potential in our own children.  We have witnessed their shining moments and know what they are capable of.  Our youngest got a mom heart to heart last night about not missing opportunities.  Our oldest has fallen victim to similar conversations as well.  Gotta keep it even and spread the momma love and lectures!!!  Sometimes we get one shot at something and we have to give 110% or the opportunity will pass right on by.  The further explanation that there will always be someone else with more heart that will swoop in and seize the opportunities if we don’t hopefully resonated more deeply than it appeared.  Talent and/or skill is only half of what it takes.  Heart is what really makes the different.  Only time will tell if my direct questions requiring her to do a little self evaluation will make any difference.  This conversation was spurred by the sport of soccer.  Does she need soccer to live? Not at all.  Is the sport something she can learn a lot of life lessons from?  Most definitely.  There have been times that she has shown so much heart that parents and coaches of other teams have taken note of her.  Lately it seems she has no heart and has not proven even worthy of being off of the bench.  Competition gets tougher and tougher.  Coaches and team mate accountability gets tougher and tougher.
Of course parenting so often reminds me of how God thinks of each of us and reminds me of scripture.  How many opportunities do I miss to fulfill the purpose He has for my life? How many times do I miss opportunities to share Jesus with others?  How many times do I not give 110% let alone even close to 100% when it comes to my faith?  How often does God use someone with more heart who is listening to Him to fulfill His plans?  How often do I miss the blessing that comes when in pure fellowship with God?  I can only imagine how God feels knowing our full potential yet allowing us freewill to make our choices and mistakes.
Psalm 138:8 “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever—-do not abandon the works of your hands.”
Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. “
Matthew 5:13-16 “You are the salt of the earth.  But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?  It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.  You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”
Full potential…God’s love radiating from our own life…our mind and souls/heart focused on God…to show the world the flavor and light that life with Jesus brings!!!   Lord please help me to give 110% in all that you would have me to do no matter how tough it gets.

Motherhood, a Toddler, and a Drumset

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My first perspective of motherhood of course came from watching and learning from my own mother. She is a tiny lady of four feet and ten inches in stature. Anyone who knows her I am sure would describe her as having a joyful peace about her. Rarely speaking a stern word you know she means business if it is required of her. Her sacrificial and unconditional love can only be outdone by the sacrifice and unconditional love of Jesus Himself. Always giving and putting others first especially when it came to her husband, two daughters, and now grandchildren. There is strength about her that keeps her pressing on even within her sorrow in life. Having lost her own mother at the young age of eleven and now recently her best friend and soul mate, my father, has not taken her eyes off of what God wants for her. She has never been one to wallow in self-pity and regret. God has packed an immense amount of His love and power into the little woman he provided as my mother.
The second perspective has been becoming a mother myself. There is a significant learning curve required to learn about your own self and for each child God blesses one with. Overcoming one’s selfish tendencies is a major hurdle. Waking up in the night, physical pains, and fatigue are actually minor in comparison to what I am speaking of. There is an element of selfishness that a parent may have in wanting their child to make themselves look good. This can present itself in many ways by how much we fuss over the child’s outward appearance, sports, activities, academics, etc… The first lesson I remember as a parent in realizing my child is their own person that God created and not who I create them to be came when my first born was around the age of two. Full of energy the child never walked she ran everywhere and usually on her tippy toes. At times she was like trying to catch a greased pig and could whip in and out through obstacles quicker than I could spit out her name. One particular church service sticks in my mind. It was actually a revival service with a guest pastor. We were in the season of potty training. Potty training alone presented a huge power struggle between she and I. My daughter decided she needed to go potty right at the start of the sermon. Motherhood frustration switch now turned on. Quietly sneaking out we get to the restroom and the “never mind mom I didn’t really need to go” took place. Motherhood frustration level kicked up another degree. As we entered the sanctuary the speedy darling took off like a rocket escaping my grasping fingertips. Her eyes had focused on the huge set of shiny drums on stage. Oh yes, she ran right up onto that stage as the guest pastor was mid sermon. Motherhood frustration was in full effect now causing me to want to shrink into a hole and disclaim her as being my responsibility. I went into what seemed to be a soundless time warp as I tried coaxing her off of the stage without causing much further distraction. From what I was told she hit a ba dump dump ching on the drums fitting just at the end of one the guest pastor’s sentences as if he just told a great one liner joke. Our church thought it was absolutely hilarious. At that point in time I found no humor in it. There was just this lively two year old that I felt was my responsibility to control and I couldn’t.
The third and greatest perspective of motherhood has been God’s word. Through the years God has intertwined His scriptures along with personal experiences. His word teaches me that it isn’t about controlling my children, but about controlling me. To provide them with an earthly example of a woman who is far from perfect, but seeks her answers from God. To love them with Christ-like love no matter what the circumstances. It has become my desire for them to see my imperfections and to have a humble reaction to them so they know that there is only one that is truly perfect, Jesus. My desire is for them to keep their eyes focused on Him with their lives. At the age of two my daughter’s eyes were focused on the drum set. It was a funny moment looking back. It taught this mom to relax more, pick my battles, and to realize that an imperfect person cannot raise perfect children. We are all sinners and we all will make our own mistakes. Now I find that my desire is for my girls to focus on Jesus and to burst toward Him with rocket like speed breaking from the grasp of my fingertips and example. Their lives are about them and their relationship with God. He will give their lives the greatest ba dump dump CHING!!!! Deuteronomy 4:9 “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”