bitterness

What is Ever Truly Resolved by an Argument?

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When I really stop and try to think of a time that arguing has ever solved any kind of problem I truly can not think of an example.  Even if someone gets their way by arguing what is really won when hostility and harsh feelings are left behind?  There is nothing that cools the flames of anger any better than love.  Love given when the person on the receiving end may be far from deserving of it.  Love is the only power that can break down the walls of bitterness.  Our human nature wants to always be right, but what is the cost?  Our pride can cost us our family, friends, employment, reputation, blessings in life, and the list goes on.

Holding our tongue and showing love instead of anger is the greatest problem solving solution I have ever know to actually work.  Maybe because it is God’s solution to conflict…LOVE!

2 Timothy 2:23-25 “And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.  Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”

Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Words are so powerful.  Words of anger cause problems.  Words of love solves them.

What are we Complaining About?

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Have you ever thought about the hypocrisy there is in the act of complaining?  Complaints are heard by all of us all day long.  We hear complaints on the media, through social media, through work, school, family, clubs, sports, while driving our cars, and even in our churches.  Some days I feel beat down and bombarded by complaints.  The conviction within my own soul when I fall into temptation to complain has become more and more overwhelming as my relationship with Christ deepens.  There are times that I really can’t stand myself if the nasty negativity virus takes over my thoughts and speech.  Through observation of complainers and unfortunately times of participation God has revealed a lot of truth to me.  How often is the very wrong you hear a complainer moaning about something you just witnessed that complainer do within the last twenty four hours or maybe even five minutes?  We are so often blind to our own downfalls and imperfections.  One very clear observation is that it seems everyone at one time or another thinks that they work harder than everyone else.  By deeming themselves the hardest working and smartest of the bunch they nominate themselves the official complainer and tattle tale.  This can be observed in toddlers age two to adults one hundred and two.  Human sin nature is so sneaky that it allows our pride to blind us to how ridiculous our complaints are.  Complaining breeds such nasty selfishness, bitterness, and anger within us.  The very act of keeping score destroys relationships.  Families, friends, and co-workers keeping score of who did or didn’t do something negates any kind of team work.  In a marriage it can be devastating to keep score.   In First Corinthians chapter 13 verse five says that love “keeps no record of wrongs”.  Is it love that is flowing from us when we keep a track record of who does or does not do?  It is quite the opposite of love.

Last week I had a day that was one of those weary days of hearing complaints and even coming across people that the tension of their anger just radiated from them.  The final kicker was a lady that abruptly drove up to the rear of my vehicle on a two lane road.  As I looked in my rear view mirror she was waving her hands, yelling, and had the most hateful look on her face.  It was obvious that she had very bright orangish red hair and that she was an older woman.  I then turned my eyes to my speedometer that read 48 mph and we were in a 45 mph speed zone.  Much to my unbelief she passed my car in a no passing zone around a blinding curve.  Whatever her complaints and anger was about I wondered if it was really worth her risking her own safety as well as who ever maybe coming around that curve.  She was driving in the opposite direction of all the schools and hospitals so I couldn’t even come up with that as an excuse for her poor driving behavior.  Can our complaints deliver us physical harm?  Most definately especially if we complain to the wrong person at the wrong time.  Complaining is a good way to have someone “clean your clock”, it also may cost a person employment, it diminishes one’s integrity, and definately will cause loss of respect.   Complaining also will set the bar much higher because it will set one up to be more closely observed.  If one chooses to complain then it’s best to be on one’s toes to not do the very thing they are complaining about. The complainer will be called out eventually.

My prayer personally is to not be a complainer.   Colosians 3:23 has been a huge help for me in this.  “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,”   I can never be treated as unfairly as Jesus himself was yet He forgave and laid down His life for all of us sinning complainers.

At the end of that rough day I was to help lead in our Awana program.  My prayer as I drove to church that evening was to see God’s love and peace.  For there to be peace and love that only comes from God coming from me after a day of being beat down.  He is always faithful.  It was a wonderful evening.  After spending time with my third and fourth grade girls helping them memorize their scripture verses there were a couple girls that were new to our Awana group.  With bright and beautiful smiles they kept saying how much fun they had in “this class”.  They had fun memorizing God’s Word.  God turned a day of feeling beat down by a negative world to raising my spirit high above it through these precious girls.  Phillippians 2:14-15 “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, chidren of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe”  Lord please help me to be a positive shining star!!!

 

Don’t Choose to be a Victim

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crying-baby-cartoon
We all suffer temptations to all sorts of sin weaknesses. My weakness may not be your weakness and your weakness not a weakness of my own. Through my own observations of human behavior there is a weakness that at some point in time in our lives we all fail miserably when the temptation arises. This is the tendency we have to choose to be a victim. The “I am a victim” weakness starts at a very early age. Hang around with siblings or a room full of toddlers for an hour or two. You will hear “How come she gets that?” “I never get a turn!” “I never get to go first!” “He got more cookies than I did!” Oh yes the comparisons to others and becoming “a victim” starts very young. What is it about us that we have to keep score? Why must we continuously look at what others have and focus on what we do not?
This is a temptation that knows no cultural, physical, age, or gender boundaries. I have been tempted by it and have witnessed others who have succumbed to becoming “a victim” throughout all my walks in life for my entire life. Sometimes the greatest conviction I have is here at home. At home my guard comes down. While at work my focus turns to my patients and their needs. Just the other day I told a friend and coworker that sometimes work is a vacation from my own life. It is a time to completely focus on the needs of others. Helping others in their time of pain and need somehow brings my own struggles into the proper prospective. At home as messes pile up it often seems and actually is a fact that momma is the only one cleaning. As the temptation to turn into “a victim” and fatigue wear me down I will start whining to my family about their lack of consideration and laziness. The conviction that I am really not teaching my children anything when I whine and yell is overwhelming. To teach them it takes even more effort than cleaning the messes on my own. To raise responsible adults it means taking the I-pod away until the mess in the kitchen is cleaned up. It means taking the time to teach my children and sometimes husband how to clean. When I go into “victim” mode all that I am teaching is how to become “a victim” and it builds resentment within my children. Becoming “a victim” decreases our credibility.
Often when we focus on what others have or are getting we are missing the big picture. That person may have had to give up something or have an unseen struggle we know nothing about. The constant comparing and score keeping does nothing but steal our joy. By allowing ourselves to become “a victim” we are applying layer after layer to the wall of bitterness around our hearts.
When our family first moved into the home we currently live in we struggled in figuring out what to do for afterschool care for our oldest daughter then in second grade. My husband worked it out with his boss that he would go into work early and work through his lunch in order to be off work in time to get her picked up from school. This only lasted for about two weeks. A couple of co-workers of his decided to become “victims” they saw him getting to leave work early, became jealous, and complained to the boss. As a result the boss had to tell my husband that since others were complaining he couldn’t let him come in early and skip lunch in order to leave work in time to pick up our daughter. His co-workers chose to only see what he was getting and not what he was giving up. Anyone who knows the man knows he really likes his food! We made other arrangements and it all turned out fine. Just the perfect example of how our human nature will focus on what we are not getting, but miss the big picture of what has been sacrificed.
As God has placed this blog on my heart there has been story after story personally and through social media that has driven His point even further in my heart. Some friend’s dear daughter with muscular dystrophy pouring out wisdom beyond her years how that even being bound to a wheelchair she knows that things can always be worse. God provides her with ways to give back to this world that are further reaching from her wheelchair than she could ever reach on her two legs. An inspiring video of a runner who fell flat in a championship race, got up quickly, came from far behind to actually win the race with just two hundred meters to go reminded me to always get up. When we fall always get up and keep pressing on toward the goal. The only time we are a failure is when we give up. She could have sat on that track, become “a victim” and cried. No she walked off the track as a champion because she got up and finished the race.
There are people struggling and in pain all around us everyday. It is a daily prayer for God to reveal to me not what everyone else is getting in life, but to see the needs of others and how I can give. Asking God to give me the attitude of “how can I give my all and expect nothing in return” actually brings freedom. It frees me from my own tendencies to become “a victim” and prevents the disease of bitterness from consuming my joy. Psalm 71:20 “Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.”
Proverbs 14:10 “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.”
Hebrews 12:15 “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

How the Sin in my Heart is like that Black Bra on my Cart

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A few years ago when my two daughters were younger I often found that my time to do our family shopping was after nine o’clock in the evening.   Working full-time as a nurse, church activities, dinner, homework, the ever daunting task of laundry, the time after the girls were in bed seemed the best time to shop for the family food and staple items.  One winter evening I bundled up and traveled on down to our local Wal-Mart to purchase the family necessities. This particular store is strategically arranged with the pharmacy, beauty supplies, and pet supplies at the polar opposite corners of the store from the milk, cleaning supplies, and paper products. With a lot of shiny objects in the middle to distract us mommas.   This particular evening my cart filled quickly with large items like paper towels, laundry detergent, and toilet paper. Feeling distracted like a squirrel as I passed the clothing department I thought “Oh I need some new undergarments!!” Something I truly loathe spending our hard earned money on. As I perused these isles my indecisiveness and frustration of spending money on me ensued. I fail to remember if I actually bought a brassiere that evening. A very significant event happened within that bra isle. I decided to turn my full cart around mid-isle. Not an easy task in the narrow passageways lined with products.   The brassieres were displayed in the manner of using peg boards with hooks at this particular location.   There were long slinder silver hooks hanging ever so delicately in the balance of these peg holes. You might have already guessed. As I turned the cart caught one of these delicate hooks. The hook then turned to an amusement park slide for the bras sending them to the floor.   It must further be noted that the brassieres were arranged smallest sizes up top of the display with the largest cup sizes gracefully adorning the bottom of these series of peg hooks.   Of course it was a bottom hook that I displaced with the largest cup sizes now scattered onto the floor.   It must also be noted that the color happened to be black.   Black undergarments at times may carry the reputation as a bit more risqué’.   Quickly looking around to see if anyone noted my clumsiness I started to toil with the question, “Do I pick them up or just move on before I cause more damage?”   Of course I would not have slept that night if I had just left my mess so I squatted down in front of my cart, fixed the hook back into its proper place, and hung the bras onto the hook. There no harm done and back to shopping.

Now I do usually have a list when shopping, but even with the words in front of my eyes I still forget or I remember items that I forgot to put on the list to begin with.   A reason for retailers to strategically place items on end caps and in the checkout isles in hopes to increase purchases by us forgetful mommas. This being said I ended up tracking back and forth through the store a couple more times due to items being as scattered as my brain.   While pushing my cart along I could not help but notice some stares.   The feeling of people looking sometimes can be extremely powerful. While scurrying along with my full cart I passed a middle aged man. He sized me up from top to bottom and had the creepiest, most perverse look on his face. Of course my thoughts immediately went to “What on earth is his problem?   I have a winter coat on all buttoned up, little to no makeup left at this time of time of day, I could not look that good, gross!!” As I continued to shop with my full cart I remembered gum.   Gum is a necessity to me for those coffee breath or too many onions on the salad moments.   I passed another man.   This man was a bit younger yet looked at me in the same creepy up and down way.   My thoughts then go to, “Momma must be looking good tonight. Girl you still got it!!!”

Finally finishing my shopping I proceeded to the checkout lanes. I began placing item after item onto the counter. Once the cart was empty I pushed the cart toward the checker so that I could pay for my purchases. It was at that moment that a strange movement caught my eye. After doing a double take there it was.   It was as if the world went into slow motion and with a deep drawn out voice I utter “IT’S A BIG BLACK BRA!!” Laughter then ensued, the kind of laughter in which there is no sound nor air movement at all. My mind is the type that thinks of situations in funny animation, in song, or as both.   The bra was not only hanging, but also dragging the ground so it had a swinging and dragging motion as it traveled as the figurehead at the prow of my shopping cart.   In my mind it took on full animation with eyes and a mouth that spoke with a French-like accent. I envisioned that bra dancing at the end of my cart screaming and singing, “I am free!!!   So this is what the rest of the store looks like!!!   I was enslaved by the snare of that hook and now I am freeeeeeee!!! Just look at meeeee!!!” Then the vision of those two men in particular came back to me. Realizing that it was me that appeared to be the perverse one quickly humbled me from my previous line of thinking.   Of course still trying to breath from my non-sound and non-breathing type of laugh I go to the front of my cart, snatch the bra and hand it to the cashier.   Bless her heart she sweetly asked “Would you like me to ring this up for you?” Still consumed by laughter I shake my head “No”. Had I not had a winter coat on it would have been more evident that the size was not appropriate for my needs.

Through the years God brings this story to mind again and again. He has used this silly incident in my life to teach me so much about myself, His Word, and my own heart.  How often does our own sin in our life cause a sinful reaction in others?   We then respond with yet another sinful thought or action.   I could not see that bra on my cart due to all the “stuff” filling the inside of my cart. Of course it was purely a crazy accident that the bra was there in the first place, but as we go on I will explain that sometimes that black bra can be from what we have placed in our lives and hearts.   We may have sin that we are so calloused to that we have no idea it is there, but everyone around us can see it.  My first sinful reaction to the first man was that of judgment.  Matthew 7:1-5 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?   How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”   The second man my heart became full of pride and vanity. Proverbs 11:2 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”   It wasn’t until I completely emptied my grocery cart that I was able to see the error of my way and why I was getting the reaction from others that I was.  The same goes for our hearts.  As we give more and more of our thoughts, addictions, habits, cares, worries, struggles, idols, our everything to Jesus the more He reveals the truth of our own heart.   He will love, heal, and forgive any darkness of sin (the black bras) that we have if we just give it to him.  As that bra had been ensnared by the hook we are ensnared by our sin.  There is no greater freedom found other than surrendering it all to Jesus.  1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”   Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”