Motherhood/children

Ageless

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“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”  Hebrews 13:8

There is nothing better than the honesty of a child.  Some of my most favorite and memorable conversations have been with these “just say it like it is” people.   Getting to serve in our Awana program at our church is a blessing on so many different levels.  This Wednesday another leader and I were the last to leave the room I work in with third and fourth grade girls.  As we entered the hallway we were greeted by one of the young men from the third and fourth grade boys class walking by himself.  The rest of the children had already lined up and departed to go to the gym for game time.  When asked why he was by himself he stated that he had let his leader know he was heading to the gym.  My fellow leader decided to go back and check and make sure there were no more kiddos left behind and to see if the leader from the boys class needed help.  I accompanied my young friend on to the church gymnasium.  He clearly did not want to do anything wrong and asked me why he shouldn’t walk by himself.  I then explained that it is safer if there is a group of children together or that you should at least walk with one of the adults.  He then asked most sincerely “Do you count as an adult?”  I replied, “Well most days I think.”   He had no idea that what he just asked was a huge compliment in so many ways.  In defense of his youthful perception of this forty-one year old mother of two, we did just spend some time the evening before watching silly videos my daughters and I had made.  He is the son of my daughter’s piano teacher and on occasion he will hang out and talk with me while I wait during the lesson.  My children and I have been having a blast with a phone application that distorts our face and voices.  From his perspective there are times I may seem like one of the kids.

There are so many spiritual thoughts that can come from that little conversation.  There is safety in numbers or to surround yourself with positive Christ following friends to stay on the right path were just a couple thoughts.  Then God got me to thinking about why my young friend’s question was a compliment.  The image of Jesus and His life here on earth and what He has done in my life came to mind.  Who he related to and how he related to them.  He was and is ageless.  He relates to people of all ages from all walks of life if they open their heart to him.  As a child I can remember most times my perception of adulthood or maturity was that a person had to be serious all the time.  There were some adults and even elderly friends of mine growing up that had that ageless quality about them.  Despite the fact that they had white hair, wrinkles, and were quite a bit taller than me I loved to spend time with them as if they were a kid my age.  My friend Ruby, an elderly neighbor, comes to mind.  She was easy to talk to and made me feel so at ease.  She liked to listen to me and shared tons of neat stories of her life with me.  She was “real”.  She was fun and not stern.   It was the Christ-like quality of being able to meet a person at their needs or on their level so to speak that she had.

Jesus has been able to meet me where ever I am throughout my entire life.  What it has always taken has been my willingness to respond to Him.  To not shut Him out of my life.

To relate to human beings of any age, from all walks in life, to find a way to relate to anyone is not necessarily something I have given much thought about or strived for.  To not fit in a specific category to my young friend came as a huge surprise.  We age physically no matter what.  Growing old gracefully is something that I have come to embrace.  With Christ we can remain ageless.  We are given the gift of eternal life through Jesus when we accept Him as our Savior and Lord.  Another blessing of God I had never considered until this interaction with my young friend is that in life we can be ageless.  As my relationship with Christ continues to grow I pray that He will continue to help me learn to love and relate to every person I come in contact with.

What Good Can Come From Family Barforamas?

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Recently my sister was sharing the woes of dealing with a stomach bug that had inflicted her children.  Her saga reminded me of the barforama scene from the movie Stand By Me.  As a teen I thought the scene was hysterical and as an adult I still find it an epic movie moment!  Nurses have a warped sense of humor so I understand many others may not find the barforama scene so entertaining.   My sister’s stories also reminded me of a Lucas family barforama during the early years of our little family.  Our youngest was a baby probably around 8 months old so our oldest child would have been 3.  As I recall the first heaves and rounds of vomitus came from the oldest child.  As the mother I started off with the care and cleanup involved in a young child that didn’t get to a proper vomit receptacle quick enough.  The bed change and bath quickly developed into an all night series of bed changes and baths.  My husband noted the fact that I was growing weary and pitched in to help.  I think we both had just finished saying “Hopefully Cora doesn’t get it!”, when the dreadful sound of retching billowed from the baby’s room.  The barforama parent tag team clean up squad was now in full activation mode.  Trying to catch the nasty liquid in ice cream buckets was our goal, but alas the pile of dirty sheets, blankets, and towels continued to grow into a mountainous heap in the hallway.  We ran smack into each other in the hallway in our barf catching scrambles several times which led into uncontrollable slap happy laughter.  The bug left our family as quick as it had hit, but will always go down in our parenting history books as the Lucas family barforama.

Parenting is life’s greatest challenge on so many levels.  What good comes from a tormentous night such as this?  Trust is born out of what seems horrific from most perspectives.  With each little bump, bruise, scrape, stomach illness, sore throat, and growing up heart aches our girls have learned that mom and dad are there.  Trust started to develop from day one with the first feeding and diaper change.  Our girls have learned that we will always be there for them to the best of our human ability.  Of course being a human being has its limitations as we get sick sometimes and sometimes we don’t handle every situation perfectly.  I think every nursing class required learning and relearning Erikson’s stages of psychosocial stages of development.  Trust verses mistrust still ranks as the most important in my own opinion.  Who can we trust in our life?  Do we come into this world fully able to care for our every need?  No, we come into this world completely helpless.

From the very first breath we take we are learning about trust.  God created us to have trust and faith that our needs will be met.  Ultimately His desire is for each one of us to learn to completely trust in Him to meet our needs.  So often we have to learn from the bad, sickness, and pain in life that He is the one and only completely worthy of our trust.  This world will let us down.  The medical field will let us down.  The government will let us down.  Our families may let us down.  Friends will let us down.  We will let our own selves down.  The more a person relies on God to meet them at their time of need the less scary those times seem.  He is always faithful.

Matthew 6;25-34 “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Parenting Hair Pull Outs!!!

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One thing I am learning as a parent is that it is so hard to know when to remain quiet and allow my children to make their own choices and mistakes.  It is a concept that can make us want to pull our hair out and scream many days.  As parents we see the potential in our own children.  We have witnessed their shining moments and know what they are capable of.  Our youngest got a mom heart to heart last night about not missing opportunities.  Our oldest has fallen victim to similar conversations as well.  Gotta keep it even and spread the momma love and lectures!!!  Sometimes we get one shot at something and we have to give 110% or the opportunity will pass right on by.  The further explanation that there will always be someone else with more heart that will swoop in and seize the opportunities if we don’t hopefully resonated more deeply than it appeared.  Talent and/or skill is only half of what it takes.  Heart is what really makes the different.  Only time will tell if my direct questions requiring her to do a little self evaluation will make any difference.  This conversation was spurred by the sport of soccer.  Does she need soccer to live? Not at all.  Is the sport something she can learn a lot of life lessons from?  Most definitely.  There have been times that she has shown so much heart that parents and coaches of other teams have taken note of her.  Lately it seems she has no heart and has not proven even worthy of being off of the bench.  Competition gets tougher and tougher.  Coaches and team mate accountability gets tougher and tougher.
Of course parenting so often reminds me of how God thinks of each of us and reminds me of scripture.  How many opportunities do I miss to fulfill the purpose He has for my life? How many times do I miss opportunities to share Jesus with others?  How many times do I not give 110% let alone even close to 100% when it comes to my faith?  How often does God use someone with more heart who is listening to Him to fulfill His plans?  How often do I miss the blessing that comes when in pure fellowship with God?  I can only imagine how God feels knowing our full potential yet allowing us freewill to make our choices and mistakes.
Psalm 138:8 “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever—-do not abandon the works of your hands.”
Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. “
Matthew 5:13-16 “You are the salt of the earth.  But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?  It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.  You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”
Full potential…God’s love radiating from our own life…our mind and souls/heart focused on God…to show the world the flavor and light that life with Jesus brings!!!   Lord please help me to give 110% in all that you would have me to do no matter how tough it gets.

I am Always Right

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I love the little teaching moments throughout each day. Sometimes the teaching moments are for the kids, sometimes for my husband and me, most of the time they are for the entire family. Our youngest child has always been a bit on the argumentative side quick to try to prove her mother and father wrong. Many times she is indeed correct leaving my husband and I no choice but to humbly concede that yes you are right and we are wrong. Young memory verses the over forty club memory. Tonight I was simply walking through the house singing a song. I got to the part of the song that says “Holy is the Lord” and the little dear immediately scolded that the words are “Holy is the Lamb”. I replied with, “No dear daughter I am 100% sure I am right on this one.” Proceeding to the computer I pulled up the lyrics on line. She refused to look upon the screen as I pointed and read “Holy is the L-O-R-D” due to her denial I then proceeded to play the video of the tune so that her ears would reveal the true lyrics. Loud and clear it was very evident that the word was Lord and not Lamb! We continued with our friendly banter as each time the word Lord was sung I belted out the most obnoxiously sung “LORD” I could muster. Remaining in denial I offered to contact Hillsong and let them know that Cora says that their lyrics are incorrect. Our crazy fire turned to mom stating that “part of maturing in life is to learn how to admit when you are wrong”. She still kept smiling in her stubbornness clinging to her denial of wrongness. It tends to be a game between us that ends with huge bear hugs.

What a powerful sin nature we are all born with. Admitting when we are wrong and asking for forgiveness seems to be one of our greatest challenges to overcome! The first step toward freedom in Christ Jesus, to true joy, peace, and hope is to admit that we are wrongful sinners. To realize that there is nothing we can do to correct our own wrongs. Jesus has the only power to forgive us of our sins. To fill the gap that sin creates between us and our having a relationship with God. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Dresses, gifts, and raising daughters

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What I am sharing today I wrote back in December of 2013 regarding a dance and dress during the fall of my oldest daughter’s eighth grade year. Looking back at her growth and maturity over the last nearly fourteen years I am in awe of what amazing work God can do. God continues to reveal so much of Himself to me through the process of raising children. It is a feat that I cannot imagine trying to tackle without God and His word to rely on. Her appreciation over her dress for her end of the year eighth grade dance brought this writing to mind and I thought I would share on the blog.

The mystery of the dress that has been a minor irritation to me for the last three months from having first laid eyes on the thing has come to a close. The dress bought for the eighth grade fall ball at the middle school that at the very last minute the thirteen year old decided not to attend. The dress that I watched get tossed onto our church gymnasium floor after tediously ironing its sheer material, the dress that we thought was left in Carbondale, left on the bus, or discarded in the trash. The dress that the daughter saw for weeks in the chorus room and never spoke up to claim it because it was not convenient to carry it straight to lunch from chorus. After the teenage daughter who is learning and has so much more to learn finished her chorus concert tonight, mom walked with said daughter up to the chorus teacher to ask about the dress. Mystery solved and a prayer I had when the dress first went missing was answered. Due to the fact the dress was never claimed she finally gave it away. A young girl had asked if she could have it because no one had claimed it. I told the teacher that I had hoped that it went to someone who really needed it and she assured me vocally as well as the look on her face assured me that the young girl did indeed need it. I would have rather Michaela saw a need and had given it away herself. Now my prayer is that she has learned a lesson about responsibility, gratitude, appreciation, and generosity. I had asked her how she would feel if some day she had a daughter that she had worked hard to earn money to buy her a dress and the daughter was careless and not appreciative of the gift. She stated that she would be mad. It makes me think of how God must feel for His One and only Son Jesus to be rejected. A free gift of life, eternal salvation, unaccepted and underappreciated by so many. The gift of the ultimate sacrifice who left the glory of heaven to endure temptation, sorrow, and pain as we face. Who took the payment for our sins by dying the most horrific death on the cross. To prove that He is God by rising again just as He said and as God had told the prophets of the Old Testament He would do. The dress itself has not been the true frustration. It has been the desire to raise gracious, appreciative, responsible, and generous children and seeing the sacrifices and lessons taught go unappreciated. We all make mistakes and have to learn and grow as I know my daughter will learn from this. Parenting continues to teach me more and more of the ways of God. Parenting teaches me to appreciate the most amazing gift that I ever have or will receive. The gift of eternal life through my Savior Jesus is the most precious part of my life. He is showing me daily just how amazing that gift of grace and mercy is. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Motherhood, a Toddler, and a Drumset

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My first perspective of motherhood of course came from watching and learning from my own mother. She is a tiny lady of four feet and ten inches in stature. Anyone who knows her I am sure would describe her as having a joyful peace about her. Rarely speaking a stern word you know she means business if it is required of her. Her sacrificial and unconditional love can only be outdone by the sacrifice and unconditional love of Jesus Himself. Always giving and putting others first especially when it came to her husband, two daughters, and now grandchildren. There is strength about her that keeps her pressing on even within her sorrow in life. Having lost her own mother at the young age of eleven and now recently her best friend and soul mate, my father, has not taken her eyes off of what God wants for her. She has never been one to wallow in self-pity and regret. God has packed an immense amount of His love and power into the little woman he provided as my mother.
The second perspective has been becoming a mother myself. There is a significant learning curve required to learn about your own self and for each child God blesses one with. Overcoming one’s selfish tendencies is a major hurdle. Waking up in the night, physical pains, and fatigue are actually minor in comparison to what I am speaking of. There is an element of selfishness that a parent may have in wanting their child to make themselves look good. This can present itself in many ways by how much we fuss over the child’s outward appearance, sports, activities, academics, etc… The first lesson I remember as a parent in realizing my child is their own person that God created and not who I create them to be came when my first born was around the age of two. Full of energy the child never walked she ran everywhere and usually on her tippy toes. At times she was like trying to catch a greased pig and could whip in and out through obstacles quicker than I could spit out her name. One particular church service sticks in my mind. It was actually a revival service with a guest pastor. We were in the season of potty training. Potty training alone presented a huge power struggle between she and I. My daughter decided she needed to go potty right at the start of the sermon. Motherhood frustration switch now turned on. Quietly sneaking out we get to the restroom and the “never mind mom I didn’t really need to go” took place. Motherhood frustration level kicked up another degree. As we entered the sanctuary the speedy darling took off like a rocket escaping my grasping fingertips. Her eyes had focused on the huge set of shiny drums on stage. Oh yes, she ran right up onto that stage as the guest pastor was mid sermon. Motherhood frustration was in full effect now causing me to want to shrink into a hole and disclaim her as being my responsibility. I went into what seemed to be a soundless time warp as I tried coaxing her off of the stage without causing much further distraction. From what I was told she hit a ba dump dump ching on the drums fitting just at the end of one the guest pastor’s sentences as if he just told a great one liner joke. Our church thought it was absolutely hilarious. At that point in time I found no humor in it. There was just this lively two year old that I felt was my responsibility to control and I couldn’t.
The third and greatest perspective of motherhood has been God’s word. Through the years God has intertwined His scriptures along with personal experiences. His word teaches me that it isn’t about controlling my children, but about controlling me. To provide them with an earthly example of a woman who is far from perfect, but seeks her answers from God. To love them with Christ-like love no matter what the circumstances. It has become my desire for them to see my imperfections and to have a humble reaction to them so they know that there is only one that is truly perfect, Jesus. My desire is for them to keep their eyes focused on Him with their lives. At the age of two my daughter’s eyes were focused on the drum set. It was a funny moment looking back. It taught this mom to relax more, pick my battles, and to realize that an imperfect person cannot raise perfect children. We are all sinners and we all will make our own mistakes. Now I find that my desire is for my girls to focus on Jesus and to burst toward Him with rocket like speed breaking from the grasp of my fingertips and example. Their lives are about them and their relationship with God. He will give their lives the greatest ba dump dump CHING!!!! Deuteronomy 4:9 “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”

Motherhood Insanity

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Today is a prime example of a day in the life with the Lucas family. Being a natural born planner the day will start with plan “A” and it is never a surprise if we end in plan “Z” and beyond. With my career in nursing I have grown accustomed to continuous change from moment to moment. The continuous change never ends with the time clock when it comes to my main job “MOTHERHOOD”. Today started like a typical Monday with getting the kids to school, early morning honor choir, and myself to work. Before leaving home this morning I checked my e-mail to find that soccer practice had been cancelled for the youngest due to weather for this evening and tomorrow. This then led to a piano lesson change for tomorrow evening. The rest of the day was uneventful until the vague texting started at 2:59pm. My dear husband was meeting my mother at her home for an appointment she had to help her with a decision regarding her home. The text read “Where’s yo momma?” Her front door was closed and car in the garage with the door closed. The assumption was made that she was not there. This started a series of texts and phone calls made by me to my husband, mother, and even my sister. All remained unanswered. Mind you I am at work and completely powerless to the situation. Thankfully we were not super busy and I didn’t have a patient at that moment. In the meantime still not hearing from anyone on the where about of my mother another text rolls in. This text was from my oldest daughter at 3:44 pm stating simply “the meet is cancelled” no further information about her current location was given. I text back “Did you ride the bus home?” No answer in return neither to the text nor to the phone calls I made to her phone. At the time of the text the bus would have been gone and I had no idea if she was stranded at the school or what was happening. Finally at 4:02 pm my mother finally answers her phone. She had been home the entire time and her cell phone was on vibrate. Once my husband arrived home and found the oldest at home he had her call me at 4:36 pm to let me know she was ok. They have now all had lectures on vague texting with no further communication following. Thankfully with being on call for work this evening I did get home at the decent time of 5:55 pm. Upon my arrival I find out that the youngest had a concert for school and needed to be there by 6:15 pm. I look at the school calendar and it says chorus concert and she is not in chorus this year. She then informed me that it was for all of the 4th and 5th graders. Having forgotten to notify us herself nor did any notification come home to my hands this was the first I had heard of this concert. These are the moments I just take a deep cleansing breath with my eyeballs protruding like deer in the headlights and go on with the “Let’s just roll with it attitude!” Thankfully the sporting events cancelled, I didn’t need to be at work late and we were able to go to the concert. Everyone is safe and accounted for, but these are the moments that I literally can feel the gray hair bursting forth from my scalp follicles. After forty-one years I am very aware that I have absolutely no control no matter how well planned I try to be. I love God’s sense of humor as he brought me to the book of Daniel and how King Nebuchadnezzar was humbled. Daniel 4:34 “At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my SANITY was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation.” As life changes continuously from moment to moment I am so thankful that God is in control because I have absolutely no control other than my own reactions to the insanity!

If we Take the Time to Listen

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Sometimes it is the smallest of meetings, the tiny conversations held with a stranger that makes such an impact on life. There have been far too many significant people whose life path has crossed my own for me to believe that anything happens by chance in this life. One thing I have noted in my life especially in raising children, and teaching children in various church ministries is that children need to be listened to. As adults we get so wrapped up into all of our tasks and busy lives that we so often miss the profound wisdom that can only come from the mouth of a child. So often I learn so much more about life from a conversation with one child than I ever can from conversations with ten adults. About a year and a half ago I shared a story on my face book page of one of God’s divine appointments. One of the sweet blessings I am referring to. A coworker of mine had asked me to trade and come in to work at eight a.m. instead of nine a.m. By doing so I had the opportunity to meet a delightful four year old little girl. We had quite the lengthy conversation. We discovered that both of our names start with “A”, both born in March, both love to sing and dance, both have a big dog and a little dog, she loves turtles and I have a pet turtle, and best of all we both (in her words) are “getting to know Jesus more and more.” She held her little cupped hand up into the air and said “Jesus holds me like this!” I agreed and cupped both of my hands together and said “Yes, and he holds the whole world like this!” I told her there is even a song about it! She went on to tell me about the picture of Jesus on the cross at her grandparents and that he died and rose again. We discussed the fact that he did that for us to pay for our sins that we would no longer be separated from God because of our sins. She also told me that there is “No one stronger than Jesus!” A divine appointment for our paths to cross? I think yes!!! She referred to me as her “friend”. I pray she keeps her pure faith and boldness to talk about it! She also was telling me of a bridal shower she attended and that “No one actually takes a bath or shower!” What a sweet surprise she was in my day. If I don’t get to see her again in this life we will have all of eternity to continue our delightful conversation! This sweet angel had so much to share. As a mother one of the greatest things I have learned is to listen. Children need the affirmation that what they have to say is important. That everything about them is important. Have I perfected the art of listening? Most definitely not, I am far from perfection. I can see in the eyes of my children if I have affirmed them or crushed them by my attitude, lack of listening, and by my own words. We all need to be heard. To have our cares and troubles affirmed as important. There is One that we can all have that affirmation from one hundred percent of the time. Jesus is always there and always listening. Whatever our care, worry, trial, or triumph He wants us to tell him. He is always listening. He IS the perfection to the art of listening and giving affirmation. Yes you matter, yes your feelings count, and yes I loved you so much to die for you my dear child. 1 John 5:14-15 “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”