Dresses, gifts, and raising daughters

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What I am sharing today I wrote back in December of 2013 regarding a dance and dress during the fall of my oldest daughter’s eighth grade year. Looking back at her growth and maturity over the last nearly fourteen years I am in awe of what amazing work God can do. God continues to reveal so much of Himself to me through the process of raising children. It is a feat that I cannot imagine trying to tackle without God and His word to rely on. Her appreciation over her dress for her end of the year eighth grade dance brought this writing to mind and I thought I would share on the blog.

The mystery of the dress that has been a minor irritation to me for the last three months from having first laid eyes on the thing has come to a close. The dress bought for the eighth grade fall ball at the middle school that at the very last minute the thirteen year old decided not to attend. The dress that I watched get tossed onto our church gymnasium floor after tediously ironing its sheer material, the dress that we thought was left in Carbondale, left on the bus, or discarded in the trash. The dress that the daughter saw for weeks in the chorus room and never spoke up to claim it because it was not convenient to carry it straight to lunch from chorus. After the teenage daughter who is learning and has so much more to learn finished her chorus concert tonight, mom walked with said daughter up to the chorus teacher to ask about the dress. Mystery solved and a prayer I had when the dress first went missing was answered. Due to the fact the dress was never claimed she finally gave it away. A young girl had asked if she could have it because no one had claimed it. I told the teacher that I had hoped that it went to someone who really needed it and she assured me vocally as well as the look on her face assured me that the young girl did indeed need it. I would have rather Michaela saw a need and had given it away herself. Now my prayer is that she has learned a lesson about responsibility, gratitude, appreciation, and generosity. I had asked her how she would feel if some day she had a daughter that she had worked hard to earn money to buy her a dress and the daughter was careless and not appreciative of the gift. She stated that she would be mad. It makes me think of how God must feel for His One and only Son Jesus to be rejected. A free gift of life, eternal salvation, unaccepted and underappreciated by so many. The gift of the ultimate sacrifice who left the glory of heaven to endure temptation, sorrow, and pain as we face. Who took the payment for our sins by dying the most horrific death on the cross. To prove that He is God by rising again just as He said and as God had told the prophets of the Old Testament He would do. The dress itself has not been the true frustration. It has been the desire to raise gracious, appreciative, responsible, and generous children and seeing the sacrifices and lessons taught go unappreciated. We all make mistakes and have to learn and grow as I know my daughter will learn from this. Parenting continues to teach me more and more of the ways of God. Parenting teaches me to appreciate the most amazing gift that I ever have or will receive. The gift of eternal life through my Savior Jesus is the most precious part of my life. He is showing me daily just how amazing that gift of grace and mercy is. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Motherhood, a Toddler, and a Drumset

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My first perspective of motherhood of course came from watching and learning from my own mother. She is a tiny lady of four feet and ten inches in stature. Anyone who knows her I am sure would describe her as having a joyful peace about her. Rarely speaking a stern word you know she means business if it is required of her. Her sacrificial and unconditional love can only be outdone by the sacrifice and unconditional love of Jesus Himself. Always giving and putting others first especially when it came to her husband, two daughters, and now grandchildren. There is strength about her that keeps her pressing on even within her sorrow in life. Having lost her own mother at the young age of eleven and now recently her best friend and soul mate, my father, has not taken her eyes off of what God wants for her. She has never been one to wallow in self-pity and regret. God has packed an immense amount of His love and power into the little woman he provided as my mother.
The second perspective has been becoming a mother myself. There is a significant learning curve required to learn about your own self and for each child God blesses one with. Overcoming one’s selfish tendencies is a major hurdle. Waking up in the night, physical pains, and fatigue are actually minor in comparison to what I am speaking of. There is an element of selfishness that a parent may have in wanting their child to make themselves look good. This can present itself in many ways by how much we fuss over the child’s outward appearance, sports, activities, academics, etc… The first lesson I remember as a parent in realizing my child is their own person that God created and not who I create them to be came when my first born was around the age of two. Full of energy the child never walked she ran everywhere and usually on her tippy toes. At times she was like trying to catch a greased pig and could whip in and out through obstacles quicker than I could spit out her name. One particular church service sticks in my mind. It was actually a revival service with a guest pastor. We were in the season of potty training. Potty training alone presented a huge power struggle between she and I. My daughter decided she needed to go potty right at the start of the sermon. Motherhood frustration switch now turned on. Quietly sneaking out we get to the restroom and the “never mind mom I didn’t really need to go” took place. Motherhood frustration level kicked up another degree. As we entered the sanctuary the speedy darling took off like a rocket escaping my grasping fingertips. Her eyes had focused on the huge set of shiny drums on stage. Oh yes, she ran right up onto that stage as the guest pastor was mid sermon. Motherhood frustration was in full effect now causing me to want to shrink into a hole and disclaim her as being my responsibility. I went into what seemed to be a soundless time warp as I tried coaxing her off of the stage without causing much further distraction. From what I was told she hit a ba dump dump ching on the drums fitting just at the end of one the guest pastor’s sentences as if he just told a great one liner joke. Our church thought it was absolutely hilarious. At that point in time I found no humor in it. There was just this lively two year old that I felt was my responsibility to control and I couldn’t.
The third and greatest perspective of motherhood has been God’s word. Through the years God has intertwined His scriptures along with personal experiences. His word teaches me that it isn’t about controlling my children, but about controlling me. To provide them with an earthly example of a woman who is far from perfect, but seeks her answers from God. To love them with Christ-like love no matter what the circumstances. It has become my desire for them to see my imperfections and to have a humble reaction to them so they know that there is only one that is truly perfect, Jesus. My desire is for them to keep their eyes focused on Him with their lives. At the age of two my daughter’s eyes were focused on the drum set. It was a funny moment looking back. It taught this mom to relax more, pick my battles, and to realize that an imperfect person cannot raise perfect children. We are all sinners and we all will make our own mistakes. Now I find that my desire is for my girls to focus on Jesus and to burst toward Him with rocket like speed breaking from the grasp of my fingertips and example. Their lives are about them and their relationship with God. He will give their lives the greatest ba dump dump CHING!!!! Deuteronomy 4:9 “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”

A Father’s Affirmation

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“You did a good job sweetie!” “ Your flowers look nice babe!” “Your dad loves you and is very proud of you.” This week as I have been working on the yard I have realized how much I have always looked forward to showing my work or accomplishments to my dad. Whether planting flowers in the yard or painting a room in the house I could hardly wait for the opportunity to show my dad the finished product. To me he was the expert and of course the very best. He was the best gardener, painter, handy man, carpenter, and was my expert consultation with questions regarding God’s word.
Grief has overcome at times while working as memories of helping him plant gardens and flowers during my childhood flood my mind. My father taught me to love nature on our many walks and hikes we took. He taught me to always admire and respect God’s creation. There has been an outpouring of gratefulness within my soul with the realization of how blessed my life has been to have been given consistent affirmation of a father. Living in a time where the family unit is no longer considered to be important, so much of the world’s children grow up fatherless. So many children are raised by a single mother who struggles to fill both roles of mother and father. Some grow up knowing that they have been rejected by their father. Some fathers are around, but live in their own selfish worlds never really knowing the children that live under the same roof. So many idols can consume a father. Work, alcohol, friends, sports, cars, motorcycles, hunting the list goes on and on of what can distract a man from fatherhood.
The affirmation my father gave me has taught me even more how to look forward to the affirmation from my Heavenly Father. To strive to please God in everything I do. During my early years I focused on “self” and tried to please the world around me. Now honestly the opinion of others doesn’t matter in comparison to what God thinks. I can never please everybody all the time. I can actually please God all the time by continuously seeking His guidance. By leaving my heart and mind open to Him at all times. Sure I will mess up from time to time, but He continues to help me see my mistakes and seek His forgiveness. As I looked forward to “Well done” from my earthly father how much greater is my anticipation to one day hear “Well done my good and faithful servant, my child, my daughter.” from my Heavenly Father.
Matthew 25:21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
Romans 8:17 “Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”

Detox of body, mind, and spirit

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This past year has been the greatest journey of my life by way of learning true freedom from me. February of 2013 about a month before turning forty I woke up one Wednesday morning feeling like there was a butcher knife sticking in my neck. Having had neck problems for a while a previous MRI had revealed four bulging discs and spinal stenosis. I figured I may have actually ruptured a disc and that ibuprofen and neck exercises would pull me through as in the past. The next week I was off work and had planned to paint both of my daughter’s bedrooms. Another lesson in life that I can make all the plans I want, but life is a continuous game of dodge ball and at times we are hit and have to sit out of the game for a while altering our plans. As Monday rolled around the neck had only grown worse I called my doctor and got an appointment that day. The next day I was getting MRIs of my neck and lower lumbar spine per my request due to lower back pain as well. It was what started happening that night that has truly changed my course in life in so many ways. That night I was sitting on the couch and both of my legs knee down went completely numb. As the week went on the numbness traveled all over like there was a slithering snake going up and down my arms and legs and the snake would rest on a foot or a hand for a while then move again. In the meantime there were muscle twitches and what felt like knives stabbing me randomly all over. By Friday it felt like someone had rubbed copious amounts of Ben-Gay from the top of my head to the tip of my toes on the entire left side of my body. The right side was in terrible pain and at times it felt like my arm and leg on that side had been crushed in a vise. For months I had subtle symptoms that I had ignored. Often there would be a tight cool sensation of being squeezed around my chest. The squeeze would take my breath away a bit. It was uncomfortable but I was certain it wasn’t a heart attack so I just went on. Not having heard back from my doctor about the MRI reports I called that Friday and tried to explain to the office what was happening with all the crazy numbness. He was not in the office and they told me I would have to go to the emergency room. Knowing I needed to return to work on Monday I was starting to feel helpless and decided if it was worse the next morning I would go to the ER. Saturday I could not stand on my left leg. That leg had turned into a spaghetti noodle. We drove to a St Louis ER because I knew the testing I would need would not be available in our small town. Lab work and a brain MRI were inconclusive as to what was happening. They gave me the much needed IV steroids and a prescription for oral steroids that I do believe were beneficial. My own doctor, now this physician, and the next two doctors I saw tried to give me prescriptions for narcotic pain medications that I flat out turned down. Being able to deal with the pain on my own that was just a road I did not even want to set one foot on. What I wanted was answers and each direction I turned there were none. The ER physician looked me in the eye as I left and said what is happening to you is not being caused by your neck, you have something else going on. The something else was something she could not explain. Next week my physician then referred me to a neurosurgeon due to the herniated disc, but still could give no help for this nervous system that was completely spiraling out of my control. Off the record I had asked physician friends and it was suggested that there was probably something auto immune happening. The top of the list matching my symptoms was MS and that is what the ER physician was trying to rule out. It was the day before my birthday that I got into the neurosurgeon he was the kindest of all the doctors. He said that as he looked at my MRIs, read my symptoms, and then with my neuro assessment that he was highly suspicious of Multiple Sclerosis. Every doctor that looked at the MRI said that the disc in my neck could not be causing all the numbness. He promptly referred me to a MS neurologist who got me in early that next week and I just so happened to have a low census day from work a God thing yet again. So far through this ordeal I had never had to call off work which made me extremely grateful. My walk was a limp and somehow helping to relieve the pain of others helped me to cope with my own pain. The MS specialist literally rolled her eyes at me when she entered the exam room. She asked “Why were you referred to me when you have no scars on your MRI?” This sent me into another whirl of helplessness as I had no control over whom and what kind of physician I was being tossed to next. I simply stated well I guess due to my symptoms and started to explain to her what all had been happening. She responded with more eye rolls, sighs, and statements like “Well that is not my specialty!” I asked her what about metal toxicities like mercury? She again rolled her eyes and said “That is over rated.” She stated you clearly are having trouble with that left leg so I will order some lab work and see you in three months. Needless to say I left there very frustrated. The medical field I had spent all of my adult life working in had completely let me down. There was something terribly wrong and for someone who exercised didn’t smoke or drink thinking I was taking care of myself I was left in a state of confusion. God and I had many conversations through this ordeal. The specific one I remember was that God if my body is to become my prison that is ok I still want to serve you. Remembering how the majority of the New Testament written by Paul was written while he was in prison. I knew that God had a bigger plan and for some reason He needed to change my course somehow. One of my prayers was also that if there is a way to have healing I really would love to continue to serve others. I asked God to please not keep me on this earth if I cannot give back in some way. He continued to provide peace and His presence was overwhelmingly evident during this time of pain and confusion. As the lab work rolled in normal test after normal test I finally decided I am done with doctors and expensive tests that were leading nowhere. Having heard of hair analysis studies there was a local office that focused on holistic care and I had heard that I could send off a hair study through them. As I started digging in doing my own research the answers I kept finding that the way to healing was through food. It took those three weeks of waiting for the study to come back for me to start to prepare myself mentally to change our family’s lifestyle regarding how we eat. When the results came back sure enough my body chemistry was completely off balance, I was malnourished, my cells were starving for the proper balance of nutrients needed. The analysis reflected that every organ in my body was suffering and that I was heading to many chronic diseases, MS, diabetes, hypo-thyroidism, osteoporosis, and cancer to name a few. One of the greatest culprits was toxicity in Copper. This one simple very inexpensive test explained all the health problems I had been having over the last decade from stomach, skin, to the current issues. As I was handed a diet plan of basically eating meat and vegetables there was a determination when walking out of that door that day that this was a new day and a new life. It made sense to me that all the preservatives I had been eating with quick meals had sent my body into a frenzy of fighting off all the foreign chemicals. God had placed plants and animals that eat plants on this earth as food for us. He created us and the proper food to sustain us and heal us. All the synthetic man made products our bodies actually view as poison. This is how I had to start looking at those foods. They are poison and were killing me with a long slow painful death. The first goal was to follow strictly for one month. My family could still make their own choices, but what foods were actually going to be in our home were going to only be preservative free. By the end of the month I felt better than I had in years. This determined that we now had a new way of life. Food had controlled me more than I ever realized. I loved candy, ice cream, cereals, and breads these things were addictive to me and never left me satisfied. My friend and I with birthdays near Easter always had bought each other sweet tarts ducks and chicks and other candies as gifts. Literally I would start to eat them and often would not stop till they were gone and I was left with a raw mouth. The sugar triggered a reaction in my brain and I just wanted more and more and more. With having rid my body of these foods and not having them at all I actually had no desire for them. Food was more of a distraction in life with continuous glucose peaks and valleys. It was distracting me from God, my family, and my purpose more than I ever knew until I felt so much better. This is an experience of pain that I am so grateful for in my life. Through this experience I have learned more and more of riding my mind, heart, thoughts, and body of what is toxic. As food can bring toxicity to our body, thoughts bring toxicity to our minds, and what we put in our bodies and minds can bring toxicity to our very soul. It is a daily journey and discipline and some days I am better than others. It is a discipline that requires me to continuously focus on God. His strength is the only way to be able to fight off the constant temptations of the world. I look at the bad foods as poisons and learning my weaknesses God is teaching me to think of my sin as poison to my soul. Everyone has different weaknesses and only God can show us what is truly controlling us and stealing our joy that He so very much wants to give us. Now the detox itself was painful at times as my body rid itself of toxins and bacteria. I had a sore throat and a cough for about two months as all the impurities pulled out from deep tissues. The same goes for detoxing spiritually. Sometimes it hurts to rid ourselves of old habits, friends or places that tempt us, and thought processes. The end result is amazing for both our body and our spirit! By the way I cancelled the three month appointment with the MS neurologist. She said she would be happy to see me if I ever develop scars shown by any brain MRIs in the future. It has been just over a year and there is just a hint of numbness when I am super tired. The small reminder of what God has brought me through is welcomed. This year as I turned forty one we buried my sweet father and said our earthly goodbyes to him on my birthday. Yet again I find that God’s presence and grace is literally sustaining me. Birthdays in my forties so far are very far from happy. The wisdom and deeper relationship with Jesus through the trials has been priceless. I have no idea what forty two will bring, but God knows and He will continue to provide His peace and presence. He will continue to cleanse me from all that distracts me from Him. Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”

I Am Weak Yet He is Strong

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Music is one of the things I love most in life. Voices singing acapella especially stir me right to the very core. There is nothing greater than hearing a voice hit true tones without any other sounds to distract. Multiple voices harmonizing together to sound like one instrument often make my arm hairs stand on end from the goose pimples. One thing my thirteen year old daughter and I share a bond over is acapella music. There is one group in particular that we both are fans of. She is always excited to share a new recording found on I-tunes with me. There is a vulnerability that comes with singing acapella and singing in front of others period. So often my own moments of true worship at home are times I can just sing praises to God with no one else around and often my prayers have to be presented in song. It is funny how God had placed the thought of my love for acapella music on my mind this afternoon and then our pastor’s sermon was on true worship this evening at church. One of my greatest fears actually is singing in front of people. At the age of twenty I finally asked my mother to listen to me sing. I had our family room door shut and my back to her. After the song she looked at me with tear-welled eyes and asked “You have been able to sing this whole time?” It took years of singing specials at church for my dress to stop shaking giving away my nerves. Even twenty one years later before the music starts to a song my heart feels like it will explode from my chest. Every solo, every worship set with our praise team, and with choir I have to ask God for strength. Within my soul I have to cry out “Lord I can’t do this please sing through me!” It is still a fear and vulnerability that I have and at the completion of every song there is another victory for Jesus! Writing has become a second passion to me actually birthing from the same sense of fear and vulnerability. For the last twenty years as a nurse I have had to learn to chart in incomplete sentences and now with the computer age charting mostly requires just the click of the mouse. All that I know to write about are my own experiences and what God teaches me through them in this journey through life. There is such vulnerability with the transparency of my life and soul being exposed. It has become my prayer to ask God what He wants me to write each day. Sometimes a thought has to develop over the course of a few days. As I sit at the keyboard my prayer is Lord I have no idea, I cannot do this, please write through me. Now anything He allows me to write is yet another victory for Jesus. The two things I am actually most fearful of God gives me the most peace while doing. These are times I am completely reliant on His strength and wisdom. When reflecting on my life the two things that seem to have somehow helped someone else the most have been a song or writing. As far reaching as God is through me I will definitely not know during my lifetime. What I do know is that the greatest sense of fulfillment, joy, and peace I have comes when I am completely surrendered to Him and allowing Him to work through my simple life. 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

Conflict

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Sometimes I struggle with finding inspiration when studying the Old Testament of the Bible. As a person who avoids conflict as much as possible it is painful sometimes to read of conflict after conflict all brought about by sin and disobedience to God. There was one passage I recently read that instead of the feeling of pain it was hilarious to me. There are such differences in cultures and in time, but human nature remains the same. In 2nd Samuel chapter 10 King David is making a kind gesture to the Ammonite king in the death of his father. He sent some of his own men to bring condolences to this king. Some of the king’s men basically said “naw they are here to spy so King David can over take you.” So then this king, King Hanun, ordered for his men to shave off half of each of the men of King David’s beards and to cut the bottom out of their pants right over their buttocks. Now I absolutely do not recall a sermon that I have ever heard being preached on this passage. For the visual that God’s word gave me I would have definitely had one of those “awkward trying hard not to laugh in church” moments. Back at this time this was terribly humiliating for these fellas and this act started yet another bout of war and bloodshed. Now days there is a large amount of the American male population that purposely wear their britches down below the buttock region revealing their undergarments. Humiliating to cool who knew? The physical battles, how God continually stressed that any people or things that brought temptations were to be avoided or removed, the fact that mankind failed again and again all leads us to God’s perfect plan of love. He came to earth in the flesh to show us the way to peace. You see from the day we are born there is an inner conflict within us good versus evil, right versus wrong, my way versus God’s way, Satan versus God, the world versus God, our strong or sometimes weak will power versus God’s will for our lives. The list goes on and on of the inner turmoil we face. Taking notes during our pastor’s sermons is something that I have never grown into the habit of doing so I will have to paraphrase a statement he made recently that is so true. The devil will tempt you and lure you into sin and then be the first one to say “Well look what you did! God could never love and forgive you now!” Satan only wants to bring conflict and destruction to our lives. Jesus is the way to inner peace. He can bring peace when there is nothing but turmoil all around. No matter what conflict we are facing in our lives Jesus is the answer to true peace. He is the only true comfort. The more we give Him the victory in our lives the greater freedom we have!!

Everlasting Value

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When losing someone you love there comes the very painful task of what to do with their belongings. Thankfully mom can take her time with most decisions. In order for dad’s church he pastored to be able to move on, the cleaning of dad’s office at the church was of top priority. Having a day off the week after his death I had the availability to help my mother with this daunting task. Memories flooded my mind of all the moves my dad had helped me with over the years as I traveled to his church. He had helped my sister and I through our college years move in and out of dorm rooms. As a young adult moving to my second apartment my dad sheepishly mentioned that he really did not want to help me move again anytime soon. At the age of twenty-four I told him that I would only move if I were getting married or by the time I turned thirty I was going to buy my own home. A year later from that time I was engaged to my soon to be husband Mike. In less than two years, yes, he was helping during a move yet again. He has always been there with every move of ours, painting, assembling furniture, and selflessly helping anyway he could. When my grandfather died, my dad’s father, I can remember sitting on the back steps of my grandparent’s home. Dad was sweeping the carport for grandma and my grandpa’s shed was directly attached to the carport. As a young boy one of my dad’s chores was to clean and organize my grandpa’s shed. As I sat on those steps I noticed water drops splashing onto the concrete underneath the carport. My eyes panned up my dad’s tall frame to see him leaning onto the broom handle with his face planted on top of his hands. He had started to sob in grief as he remembered the significance of cleaning his father’s shed once again. Well here I was helping with my father’s final move in his years of ministry. He had already mentioned to mom that if anything happened to him to just throw out all of his files upon files of sermons. In later years he had started to save them into the computer, but with thirty-seven years in the ministry the amount of sermons, funerals, weddings, and special programs was still a vast amount. Knowing that it would not be possible to actually read through every one of them I knew that was the only realistic thing that could be done with them. Being logical still didn’t help with the pain of seeing the hours and years of his work go into the dumpster. God started to press on my heart that those sermons are actually everlasting. The ears that heard and took those words God gave dad to heart changed lives and that could never be thrown away, burned, or destroyed. My father was my pastor for twenty-one years of my life and though he probably did not think I listened, I did. Those sermons were investments dad made into my eternity as well as so many others. The eternal perspective has taken such precedence in my life now more than ever before. Everlasting investments have become top priority. Galatians 6:8 “For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.” So much of our activities in life are so fleeting. Any work we do on our homes, our yards will just need to be done again. Money spent on material things is fleeting. Money given to missions, ministries, and the needy is everlasting. What we do for others by lending a helping hand, praying for, and sometimes an encouraging smile or word is what is eternal. Lord I pray that you will use my life for the things that are eternal.

Our Words are Powerful

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Have you ever thought about how much power is packed into the words we choose from day to day? One of the greatest lessons I have learned and continue to learn in life is the importance of our words. Words can unite or divide. Words can comfort or condemn. Words can empower or destroy. Words can bring joy or sorrow. Words can build up or tear down. Words can bring peace or bring war. Words can break or bring healing. One of the greatest temptations I know I have struggled with personally and I am quite sure I am not alone in this is to gossip or complain. It is so easy to jump in on talk of others or people groups. When complaints are made how easy it is to agree with what is being said instead of standing up for the positives. Oh the discipline it takes to say nothing at all when it’s best to be silent. Think of the meaning of the words “always” and “never”. To use these words we better have solid evidence or extremely strong will power to back them up. One of the rules of a true/false test is that if one of these words is included in the question most likely the answer is false. How often is it false when we use them in our own language? A parent telling a child “you always get that wrong” or “you never do things right” will leave their esteem and self -worth destroyed. To say “I always get the job done” will reveal our human weakness as we most definitely will fail or forget at some point in time. To say “I will never do” sure takes an abundance of will power as temptations arise. The more I fill my life with the Word of God, positive people, music, positive books, and positive shows the greater my choice of words. So often the words seem to be to say nothing at this time. Our words can add kindling to a fire. Without fuel the fire will eventually burn out or we can add to it and cause tremendous damage. Proverbs 21:23 “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.” Proverbs 12:18 “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 26:20 “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.” James chapter three gives a very thorough description of how powerful our words can be. These thoughts were triggered by one of those talk shows with everyone fighting and yelling. It was so disturbing to me I quickly changed the channel. I have literally left a job that was such a negative environment filled with harsh words everyday as protection for the person God created me to be and for my family. Once I had a co-worker that spoke so terrible about everyone that was not around or within hearing range. Finally I asked another co-worker what was said about me when I was not around out of pure curiosity. This person had built such a reputation and bad impression in my dealings with them that I figured that the nastiness was directed toward me as well. The co-worker told me the complaint about me was that I laugh too much. Guess what, that made me laugh. She had no clue that to me that was a huge compliment. It actually could be the heading for my tombstone “She laughed too much!” Who we truly are, our character, our reputation, and our trustworthiness hinges on the words we use from day to day. We should all think before we speak and write.

Motherhood Insanity

| anitalucascmc

Today is a prime example of a day in the life with the Lucas family. Being a natural born planner the day will start with plan “A” and it is never a surprise if we end in plan “Z” and beyond. With my career in nursing I have grown accustomed to continuous change from moment to moment. The continuous change never ends with the time clock when it comes to my main job “MOTHERHOOD”. Today started like a typical Monday with getting the kids to school, early morning honor choir, and myself to work. Before leaving home this morning I checked my e-mail to find that soccer practice had been cancelled for the youngest due to weather for this evening and tomorrow. This then led to a piano lesson change for tomorrow evening. The rest of the day was uneventful until the vague texting started at 2:59pm. My dear husband was meeting my mother at her home for an appointment she had to help her with a decision regarding her home. The text read “Where’s yo momma?” Her front door was closed and car in the garage with the door closed. The assumption was made that she was not there. This started a series of texts and phone calls made by me to my husband, mother, and even my sister. All remained unanswered. Mind you I am at work and completely powerless to the situation. Thankfully we were not super busy and I didn’t have a patient at that moment. In the meantime still not hearing from anyone on the where about of my mother another text rolls in. This text was from my oldest daughter at 3:44 pm stating simply “the meet is cancelled” no further information about her current location was given. I text back “Did you ride the bus home?” No answer in return neither to the text nor to the phone calls I made to her phone. At the time of the text the bus would have been gone and I had no idea if she was stranded at the school or what was happening. Finally at 4:02 pm my mother finally answers her phone. She had been home the entire time and her cell phone was on vibrate. Once my husband arrived home and found the oldest at home he had her call me at 4:36 pm to let me know she was ok. They have now all had lectures on vague texting with no further communication following. Thankfully with being on call for work this evening I did get home at the decent time of 5:55 pm. Upon my arrival I find out that the youngest had a concert for school and needed to be there by 6:15 pm. I look at the school calendar and it says chorus concert and she is not in chorus this year. She then informed me that it was for all of the 4th and 5th graders. Having forgotten to notify us herself nor did any notification come home to my hands this was the first I had heard of this concert. These are the moments I just take a deep cleansing breath with my eyeballs protruding like deer in the headlights and go on with the “Let’s just roll with it attitude!” Thankfully the sporting events cancelled, I didn’t need to be at work late and we were able to go to the concert. Everyone is safe and accounted for, but these are the moments that I literally can feel the gray hair bursting forth from my scalp follicles. After forty-one years I am very aware that I have absolutely no control no matter how well planned I try to be. I love God’s sense of humor as he brought me to the book of Daniel and how King Nebuchadnezzar was humbled. Daniel 4:34 “At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my SANITY was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation.” As life changes continuously from moment to moment I am so thankful that God is in control because I have absolutely no control other than my own reactions to the insanity!