Human behavior

I Can’t Clean up my Own Mess

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picnic tablepicnic table

As suggested by my Aunt blogging about this project will be much more constructive than this failed project.

Back in January when we picked vacation weeks I saw that the week of Mike’s and my anniversary was open for the taking.  Thinking maybe we could actually take a trip or something I put this week down.  As life and circumstances happen we are going to end up being lucky if we even get to go out for a meal just the two of us.  Wanting to make good use of time, I assigned myself some projects to complete this week.   One being to repaint yet again the old picnic table Mike’s dad gave us many years ago.  After scraping for what seemed like an eternity I moved to a power sander, scraping more, power sanding more.  The paint peel seemed to just keep growing worse.   I then tried power washing which wasn’t much help then we ran out of gas for the power washer.  Today I tried actually stripping the paint.  That has made yet a greater mess.  As the mess kept growing I began evaluating what is truly a valuable use of my time.  The hours of fruitless effort were already mocking me in the fact that I can not have that time back.   There is a strong willed competitive nature that I have as well as a very sentimental nature that was driving me to want to complete this project no matter the cost.

As of now I have had to walk away with my tail between my legs waving the white flag.  My mind is already planning other uses for the paint that I bought.

One thing this FAIL project is reminding of is how we can’t clean up our own mess.   Our life is a mess of sin.  We inherited the sinful nature the day we took our first breath.  All of us.  We are all a complete mess.  Oh there are all kinds of man made “cover ups”  “fix yourself” “religions” all types of methods, but nothing lasts or truly cuts to the heart of the problem.  The only one that can truly wipe away our every flaw is Jesus.  No amount of money, self help programs, or “good” deeds will clean us spotless.  Only the blood of Jesus.  God’s only Son who took the penalty for all of our mess upon that cross can forgive us and wash us clean.

What I need is a planer (pronounced like plainer) board to cut away all the old paint, stained, and spotted wood.  After we accept Jesus we are forgiven and as we follow him He is our planer board cutting away all the old messy spotted stuff.  He makes us clean and new.  Whew he still has a long way to go on me.  The good thing is that God doesn’t walk away from His creation like I have walked away from my project.  It doesn’t matter how messy we are He will wipe us clean and make us new!!  Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God.”

1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”

When Christians Treat Your Dad Bad

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So those who follow this blog know that my father who was a pastor passed away a year and a half ago.  He was ordained as a pastor when I was three years old and he started right into full time pastoring by the time I was four.  He was a full time pastor for 37 years and still pastoring before he passed.  He ministered to a total of 4 small churches during this time.  For some unknown reason  I had about 2-3 weeks that I have missed him more than I have since he passed recently.  During this time I attended a conference our church had and purchased books from our speaker.  One of his books was “The Coffee Shop that Changed a Church” by Steve Parr.  As I began reading this book the tears started flowing as the story developed and the characters of the narrative evolved.  One of my first thoughts was “my dad could have written this book”  there were so many similar experiences that he and our family had through the years.  Another thought was “I have a deeper understanding of a pastor’s life and heart than I even realized”.  The book left me with an even greater determination to pray for my pastors as well as all TRUE Bible preaching, Jesus following men of God throughout the world.

One sentence tucked away in the middle of this book caught my attention.  I should have had my pen in hand to mark it, but it was a narrative and I am always anxious to see what happens next.  There is no time for pens and no time for sleep when I am reading a good book!!!   In other words this may not be a direct quote because I can not find the tiny hidden sentence.   It referred to the fact that many children of pastors are turned off of the faith because they see Christians treat their dad bad.  This smacked me in the face and had me praying prayers of gratitude that God did not give up on me.   I went through a stage where I was sick of trying to be perfect and please everyone else.  It wasn’t really direct rebellion toward God or my parents.  It was more of the fact that people would actually try to get rid of my dad because of choices his children made or could make.  As a kid my dad and mom tried to keep the drama from me, but I still caught bits and pieces and would even hear comments made directly to my dad.  I would see the strain and stress in his eyes.  I would see him work 60 hours plus a week, come home from vacation to be with people in need, get called out in the middle of the night.  I saw him give and give and I would hear  people say things like “we pay your salary”, “we pay for your house”, “we pay your power bill”.   As I child I could see my father working very very hard for his sparse salary.   I always thought “Isn’t what we give actually God’s to begin with?”  I saw my father and mother give at least ten percent plus right back.

As I look back on my life I have many regrets, but those regrets led to much needed consequences to guide me back into God’s will.  My choices gave me a deeper understanding of sin and a deeper gratitude for the grace Jesus gave to me from that cross.  Being a preacher’s kid gave me the perspective that the church is full of sinners needing God’s grace as well as the whole world.  The temptations of pride and attacks from Satan are very real and a marvelous tool Satan uses to get people focused on how Christians act instead of focusing on Jesus.  I wonder how many millions have been turned off of the faith because of priests, pastors, and parishioners sin?   We compare ourselves to the hypocrisy of others to find excuse to not believe or behave how we “think” we want.  The greatest lesson in life I have learned through growing up as a preacher’s kid is that no one is perfect other than Jesus.  No one is “Holier than thou”.  It is about a personal relationship with Jesus.  The deeper my relationship the more I hunger to read God’s word more, pray more, to worship corporately in church, and hear the Word of God preached.  It is enjoyable to just be a regular church member as an adult, but I still see Satan attack.  There are times my own pride will tempt me and steal what God is trying to do in my own life.  There are times I feel prompted by the Holy Spirit to speak up firmly, but with love when I see pride tempting church members to focus on “self” instead of Christ.

It is all about Jesus.  I am a sinner saved by Grace who happened to be raised by a preacher.  My dad couldn’t save me, my church couldn’t save my soul, only the blood of Jesus saved my soul!!  If all Christians and churches focused on what we should, Jesus, think of how this world would change.

2 Corinthians 5:21″God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

Riots, the Duggars, Jenner, Dolezal, Mass Murders… Sigh

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news media

Even with avoiding the news as much as I can the majority of what media has highly publicized still reaches me eyes.   My heart gets so sad for this hurting world we live in.  At times I feel anger stirring in me over lies and unfairness.  Anymore I consider news media “Sin on Parade” as I watch personal agendas flooding the airways across our country and the world.   Some sin is being applauded and some condemned.  The world has decided it is the judge of what is wrong or right which has led us into deeper confusion and turmoil.  This blog has been prayerfully on my mind for sometime as each week there is a new story defining our culture and the times we live in.

What I continue to see are people hurting and desperate.    I see people pushing their opinions with selfish gain as their motivation.  What I see are a lot of excuses being made for behaviors masked with fancy words and terms.   I see a world trying to find healing in medications legal and illegal to provide a band aid for much deeper wounds.  If a person claims to follow Jesus I see a world searching for any sin in their life to provide the excuse of “see they are no different”.  As I see our government turn their backs on God the leaders of our country have taken on the image of a three ring circus ran by immature two year olds.  These days it seems like no one is really interested in actually getting to the root of our problems.

Within my own life I have found that the only way to fix anything is to find the root, the source of the problem.  When I weed my garden if I just pull the leaves of a weed it just comes back bigger and stronger.  It must be pulled out by the root to stop the growth of a pesky weed.   It seems the more “educated and scientific” we are the more we just pull at the leaves of problems instead of stopping them at their source.

What is the true source of all of the worlds problems?   The answer can truly be summed up in one little three letter word.  It is a word that no one wants to hear or use these days.   Our pride and arrogance cringes at the sound of this word.  It is SIN.  We are all born with the nature to sin.  Our sin starts as a thought we then have the choice to feed that thought and allow it to develop into action or to stop the thought at its beginning.   These people who would gun down, bomb, or poison the innocent started with a thought.  They build up excuses and reasons in their mind to justify actions they want to take and then act.  They have become deceived.  You can see the empty darkness in the eyes of these killers as their mug shots flash onto media screens.

Have you ever listened to a person who is having an affair talk?  Just sit and listen to excuse after excuse.  Justification after justification.  It starts with a sinful thought and then action.  There is a reason for their choice.  It is sin.

Hang around with preschool children for a day and you will see that sin starts immediately in our lives.  We come into this world selfish and greedy.  There is evidence proving this point as one of the favorite and first words of a toddler is “mine”.

Our sinful nature is so powerful and pulls us to go the exact opposite direction God has planned and desires for us.  The message of God’s word is consistent in the fact that we are to love God and others, serve others, be kind, gentle, forgiving, and thankful.  The life of Jesus shows us the perfect example of a life lived out with these qualities.   Our human sin drives us to be selfish, self serving, blaming, judging, prideful, arrogant, and pleasure seeking.  In reality what kind of person do we want to be around?  What we all desire to have in our life is someone that has the very attributes of God, but we shut out God and His word that provides instruction of how to have a life of joy, peace, hope, and a life that is everlasting.  We shut out the source of peace and expect to have peace.   The difference between someone who is a true follower of Jesus Christ and someone who is not is only the fact that a believer realizes how sinful they are, has been forgiven by the only one who can forgive sins, Jesus, and chooses to follow Jesus.  Desiring to sin less and less in their life through the only power and strength that can help us with this weakness, Jesus.

To sum up the turmoil and confusion we see in the news media everyday is that “we are all sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23  We can not cure ourselves.  We can try to change physically.  We can try medications to mask our deep emotional wounds.  We can try to fill our void with material goods and addictions.  We are lost confused people separated from our creator by our sinful nature.  The good news is that Jesus is the answer to every single problem that is in the world today.  The problem is sin and the answer is Jesus.  “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”   Come to know Jesus today.  Experience real love and allow Jesus’ love to live through your life in a desperate and hurting world.  He is our hope and our future!!!

Home Improvements are all Fun and Games Until Someone Loses an Eye

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An eyeball was not literally lost during our task to provide a fun teenage hangout place in our home thank the Lord!  Well at least no lost eyeballs yet.   A blood vessel in my eye burst upon hearing some bad news that made me have to do some serious tongue holding.  All companies and vendors that we have patronized during this endeavor have been great minus one.  The very first thing I arranged and put money down for, an egress window, is a major hold up in our project.  Because this space is in the basement and with wanting to have an additional bedroom we decided this would be the best thing to do to provide a fire escape for any occupants.  The basement room would make space available upstairs for the extra sleeping accommodations.  This would open up opportunities to have foreign exchange students, guests, possibly foster a child, etc…

The company doing this for us has been in business a long time and I had not heard anything bad about them.  Their specialty is waterproofing basements so I figured who better to make sure a new hole in the basement wall is sealed tight.  Unfortunately this company has disappointed several times, has always told different stories each time I have had an interaction with its employees, and has had delay after delay.  Before the eyeball blow up they had already knocked my confidence level in them to a very low.  Finally it looked like the installation of the window was actually going to happen.  The guys showed up and everything!  Unfortunately I was at work and my poor mother had to come and hold down the fort for us.  The first install date I had been able to take at least one of the days off work to be home, but with the reschedule was unable to make such arrangements.  That day I go to my lunch break and check my text messages.  This is the message I see from my mother.  “Bad news.  The company that made the window made it the wrong way.  The tall part was made horizontally instead of vertically.  They are going to cover the hole.  They are trying to see how soon they can get the right window.”   It was the “cover the hole” that caused my stress level and blood pressure spike.  The vision I had in my mind was a 5 foot 4 inch by 4 foot hole in the concrete wall of our basement in the middle of January left open to the elements indefinitely.  As well as when it rains there would be a mudslide right into our house from the hole dug in the outside landscape.  I clinched my fists, took a deep breath, and then pursed my lips.   I am quite sure this is what cause the blood vessel explosion.  Being in the lounge having lunch with my coworkers I got up and walked over to the lockers to call my mom with my back to my coworkers.  I ended up speaking with the window installer and found out that they had only dug the hole outside and there were no cuts in the concrete.   I will spare you of the details of the rest of the story as we continue to wait for this service to be completed. When I finished the conversation with the man and my mom I turned to face my coworkers.  They exclaimed “Oh my gosh what is wrong with your eye?!?!”   Half of my right eye was now bright red from a blood vessel burst from holding in my anger.  It took all that was in me to prevent regretful angry words in loud decibels from being spewed from my lips!!

There are many verses about holding and taming the tongue and how to prevent sin when one experiences the emotion of anger.   These are the actual verses that keep coming to mind though.

Matthew 5:29-30 ” If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.  It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.  And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.  It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

In this case my right eyeball took one for the team for my tongue.  If I end up wearing an eyeball patch in the end you all will know the company doing this window failed yet again to come through.   Either I am too nice or it is because I serve  God who is the  God of 2nd chances and forgiveness.  Matthew 18:21-22″Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?  Up to seven times?’  Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.”

Hard to Know What is True These Days

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The world is extremely lacking in truth and integrity more so now than ever.  Recently I viewed a video of people being interviewed that were attending a climate rally.  Each person questioned really could give no real answers as to why they believed what they did and what they were intending to do to bring about environmental change.  One gentleman when questioned admitted that he had a cellphone, car, and had flown on a jet to attend the rally.  When asked why he doesn’t give up his conveniences he basically said that he did not want to give up his stuff/life.  Hypocrisy at its finest.  The scripture from 1 Kings chapter 3 verses 16-28 have been milling around my head today.

“Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him.  One of them said, “Pardon me, my lord. This woman and I live in the same house, and I had a baby while she was there with me. The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us.   “During the night this woman’s son died because she lay on him.   So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast.   The next morning, I got up to nurse my son—and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn’t the son I had borne.”

The other woman said, “No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours.”

But the first one insisted, “No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine.” And so they argued before the king. The king said, “This one says, ‘My son is alive and your son is dead,’ while that one says, ‘No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.’”

 Then the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So they brought a sword for the king.  He then gave an order: “Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other.”

The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!”

But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!”

 Then the king gave his ruling: “Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother.”

When all Israel heard the verdict the king had given, they held the king in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from God to administer justice.

One clear suggestion of a cause or religion that is false is that there are selfish motives.  Is there a hunger for power, money, and control behind the cause?  Always take a very close look.

The greatest way that truth shines is by sacrificial love.  What are we willing to give up for our family, for our “cause”, for our faith?  The TRUE mother of the child was willing to sacrifice her desire to raise her own son in order to preserve his very life.

Sacrificial love of a mother that is willing to go without a meal in order to feed her children.  A husband that shields his wife with his own body in a tornado.  A church/religion shows it’s truth by its service to others.  Death threats to convert people to your way of thinking is FAR from truth.  There is nothing but selfish gain of control and power behind a cause that is intending to hurt others for not thinking the same.

Love in its truest form is the love God has for us.   We were created to have a loving relationship with God.  Because God gave freewill to mankind the curse of sin entered the world separating us from Him and His love.  The greatest sacrifice known to this earth is the fact that God left His glory in heaven to walk upon the earth as human being resisting all temptation to sin Himself.  His purpose was to be the payment for our sins that separated us from God.  After the most gruesome death known to man and fulfilling all prophesies He died on the cross.  Three days later he arose proving that He is God, the one true living God.  It is sacrificial love that proves truth to me.

God frequently puts the question of “Are you willing to give everything for me?” in my heart.  A constant reminder that is hard, but so very needed to keep my love in check.  Am I true?  Am I passionate with true purpose?  Am I willing to sacrifice out of love as Jesus sacrificed for me?  I may or may not need to face death in order to stand firm in my faith, but it is a heart surrender everyday.  My children are God’s, my possessions are God’s, any skill or talent is God’s…where is the truth of my own heart?

“For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.”  John 3:16

What are we Complaining About?

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Have you ever thought about the hypocrisy there is in the act of complaining?  Complaints are heard by all of us all day long.  We hear complaints on the media, through social media, through work, school, family, clubs, sports, while driving our cars, and even in our churches.  Some days I feel beat down and bombarded by complaints.  The conviction within my own soul when I fall into temptation to complain has become more and more overwhelming as my relationship with Christ deepens.  There are times that I really can’t stand myself if the nasty negativity virus takes over my thoughts and speech.  Through observation of complainers and unfortunately times of participation God has revealed a lot of truth to me.  How often is the very wrong you hear a complainer moaning about something you just witnessed that complainer do within the last twenty four hours or maybe even five minutes?  We are so often blind to our own downfalls and imperfections.  One very clear observation is that it seems everyone at one time or another thinks that they work harder than everyone else.  By deeming themselves the hardest working and smartest of the bunch they nominate themselves the official complainer and tattle tale.  This can be observed in toddlers age two to adults one hundred and two.  Human sin nature is so sneaky that it allows our pride to blind us to how ridiculous our complaints are.  Complaining breeds such nasty selfishness, bitterness, and anger within us.  The very act of keeping score destroys relationships.  Families, friends, and co-workers keeping score of who did or didn’t do something negates any kind of team work.  In a marriage it can be devastating to keep score.   In First Corinthians chapter 13 verse five says that love “keeps no record of wrongs”.  Is it love that is flowing from us when we keep a track record of who does or does not do?  It is quite the opposite of love.

Last week I had a day that was one of those weary days of hearing complaints and even coming across people that the tension of their anger just radiated from them.  The final kicker was a lady that abruptly drove up to the rear of my vehicle on a two lane road.  As I looked in my rear view mirror she was waving her hands, yelling, and had the most hateful look on her face.  It was obvious that she had very bright orangish red hair and that she was an older woman.  I then turned my eyes to my speedometer that read 48 mph and we were in a 45 mph speed zone.  Much to my unbelief she passed my car in a no passing zone around a blinding curve.  Whatever her complaints and anger was about I wondered if it was really worth her risking her own safety as well as who ever maybe coming around that curve.  She was driving in the opposite direction of all the schools and hospitals so I couldn’t even come up with that as an excuse for her poor driving behavior.  Can our complaints deliver us physical harm?  Most definately especially if we complain to the wrong person at the wrong time.  Complaining is a good way to have someone “clean your clock”, it also may cost a person employment, it diminishes one’s integrity, and definately will cause loss of respect.   Complaining also will set the bar much higher because it will set one up to be more closely observed.  If one chooses to complain then it’s best to be on one’s toes to not do the very thing they are complaining about. The complainer will be called out eventually.

My prayer personally is to not be a complainer.   Colosians 3:23 has been a huge help for me in this.  “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,”   I can never be treated as unfairly as Jesus himself was yet He forgave and laid down His life for all of us sinning complainers.

At the end of that rough day I was to help lead in our Awana program.  My prayer as I drove to church that evening was to see God’s love and peace.  For there to be peace and love that only comes from God coming from me after a day of being beat down.  He is always faithful.  It was a wonderful evening.  After spending time with my third and fourth grade girls helping them memorize their scripture verses there were a couple girls that were new to our Awana group.  With bright and beautiful smiles they kept saying how much fun they had in “this class”.  They had fun memorizing God’s Word.  God turned a day of feeling beat down by a negative world to raising my spirit high above it through these precious girls.  Phillippians 2:14-15 “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, chidren of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe”  Lord please help me to be a positive shining star!!!

 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

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law books

The turmoil around our world has always been troubling to me. The desire for everyone to love each other and live in peace is what my heart longs for. Recently the turmoil happening just a few miles away from where we live has really troubled me down to the very core. You see there is a mentality in this world that thinks “I am above the law and I can do whatever I want.” This is a mentality that I have witnessed in all walks of life and it has no partiality to color of skin. What this mentality completely lacks is respect. Respect for one’s self, respect for others, respect for others to live work and breathe peacefully, respect for authority, respect for laws, and respect for the ultimate authority God.
At a very early age my parents somehow had lovingly instilled in me the respect for authority and standards we call rules. Very early on I was quite aware that stealing would result in very undesirable consequences and possibly jail. Very early on I knew that police officers were around for my protection, but I should never talk back, hit, or try to take a police officer’s weapon. If I decided that it would be a good idea for my forty-one year old, five foot five, Caucasian, and female little self to get into a conflict with a police officer the results would be catastrophic. Say I screamed at the officer, punched the officer, forcefully grabbed the officer’s gun, disobeyed orders to freeze, and continued to pursue an attack on the officer guess what the results would be? It would not matter the color of my skin, gender, or socio-economic status. It would not matter that I am a mother and a nurse. I would be committing a terrible crime and endangering the life of an officer and others around me. Yes I would be shot and most likely killed.

My heart aches for the youth of our nation and our world who do not have respect instilled into their lives. My heart aches for all the youth killing each other, testing the boundaries of authority, and committing suicides day in and day out. There is a much deeper problem than biases of skin color in our nation. It is an attitude of “I will do whatever I want and there is nothing anyone can do about it.” There is an attitude of “Everyone owes me something and I don’t have to do anything to earn my rights.” It comes down to respect and the lack of it.
When God created the world He set up many laws that we continue to discover. There are laws of physics, mathematics, and laws necessary to sustain life. One law I will use as an example is the law of gravity. Gravity is for our good. It is for our protection. Gravity is key to having an atmosphere with just the right blend of gases to sustain our very breath. Gravity is key to keeping our bodies attached to this beautiful earth. If there were no gravity our bodies would drift to outer space and as the pressure changes within our bodies we would explode. It is a law that warrants respect. I am very aware that if I jumped off a tall building or mountain I have no power over gravity. It is the authority and I cannot defy it. Depending on how far I fall would determine seriousness of injury or death. The pilot of an airplane must follow the rules and regulations required of that skill. If the pilot decides to do things how he wants…well then hello!!!! If you are having surgery you want the doctors and nurses to follow the rules and regulations for your safety!! I am sure you get the picture!!

God set up authority for our protection. He set up authority for us to grow and prosper. There is no authority or person of authority that God has not placed within that position. There are often times I may not agree fully with the authorities, but God has placed them and that is reason enough to respect. The bible is very clear on how we should view authority. Romans 13:1-7 “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God’s servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God’s servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. This is also why you pay taxes, for authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes, if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.”

There is a part of me that if the finances and resources were available I would love to invite all the children without loving parents into our home to be raised to love and respect themselves and authority. To show love one sweet child at a time no matter whether it is a beautiful brown, yellow, black, white, or red faced child. We all need the love support and structure needed to succeed in life. Most importantly to teach them of the love and hope God gave us in Jesus His One and only Son.

Powerlessness

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solar-storm
This blog post is coming from a variety of recent experiences all coming together to give one word “powerlessness”. The last couple of days I have taught Advanced Cardiac Life Support (ACLS). The first time teaching since my dad passed in March. I have spent the majority of my 19 years as a nurse in the critical care arena and have been certified in ACLS around 18 of these 19 years. Even with the knowledge and experience we just can’t save everyone. The details of the attempted resuscitation of my father and his hospitalization experience from his surgery have been hard to suppress from my mind. Knowing something was wrong after my father’s surgery to remove his cancer and not being able to pinpoint it or fix it myself has left me with an even greater sense of powerlessness in this life. No matter what our profession we are all limited by our human capabilities, experiences, and what minute amount of knowledge we have obtained. As a healthcare worker I am merely a tool that God uses at times to work His miracles or to bring comfort to others.

In the state of Illinois we are required to pay a fee for an annual sticker for any licensed vehicle driven or pulled along the roads. I had gone to our local Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) to purchase our stickers. As I waited in line two older men were having a very loud conversation about women. One of the men loudly bragged that he was going to get him a twenty year old. The other man said “Whew, I don’t want no twenty year old.” The first man replied “I got enough money I can get me a twenty year old.” In this moment I was very thankful for technology as I just kept looking down at my phone not wanting to make eye contact with either man. My eyes always give me away. It was hard to stifle my smile and giggle as I thought “Really…” and then “Be careful what you wish for buddy. The kind of love you have to buy usually is not worth having and comes with an even greater price.” When I did sneak a glance at the twenty year old seeker I observed a man maybe about five foot seven inches in stature. He was probably sixty to one hundred pounds overweight. His hair was thinning and his shirt was unbuttoned nearly to his navel revealing thick curly black chest hairs. My eyes had to quickly look at my phone and stay there because even if I could manage to keep from smiling I knew my eyes would not. The word “powerless” came to mind again. His money and arrogance are not enough to hide the fact that he is powerless to life’s normal aging process.

Our lives these days seem to continuously be inflicted by the dreadful diagnosis of cancer. It seems nearly daily another friend or loved one is being diagnosed or having a cancer scare. My fourteen year old daughter had read the book “The Fault in our Stars” and desperately wanted to see the movie. Being certain that I have met my quota for tears in the year of 2014 I didn’t particularly want to cry anymore. Of course doing what mother’s do I took her to see it anyway. It is a beautiful story and now I need to take the time to read the novel. One word that kept coming to mind during the movie was “powerless”. We are powerless to cancer. Even with all the man-made medicines and tests we are powerless to cancer and so many other diseases.

As I continue to think about this word “powerless” I keep thinking more and more of the one who is Power. Not has power or is powerful. He is power. God spoke the earth, the heavens, and life into being. With just one word He can create or destroy. The more I realize how “powerless” I am on my own the more I realize the greatness of the power of Almighty God. It is through God’s power and wisdom that I can do anything of importance.

Jeremiah 10:12 “But God made the earth by his power;
He founded the world by his wisdom
and stretched out the heavens by his understanding.”

1 Chronicles 29:11 “Yours, LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all.”

Ephesians 6:10 “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.”

Don’t Choose to be a Victim

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We all suffer temptations to all sorts of sin weaknesses. My weakness may not be your weakness and your weakness not a weakness of my own. Through my own observations of human behavior there is a weakness that at some point in time in our lives we all fail miserably when the temptation arises. This is the tendency we have to choose to be a victim. The “I am a victim” weakness starts at a very early age. Hang around with siblings or a room full of toddlers for an hour or two. You will hear “How come she gets that?” “I never get a turn!” “I never get to go first!” “He got more cookies than I did!” Oh yes the comparisons to others and becoming “a victim” starts very young. What is it about us that we have to keep score? Why must we continuously look at what others have and focus on what we do not?
This is a temptation that knows no cultural, physical, age, or gender boundaries. I have been tempted by it and have witnessed others who have succumbed to becoming “a victim” throughout all my walks in life for my entire life. Sometimes the greatest conviction I have is here at home. At home my guard comes down. While at work my focus turns to my patients and their needs. Just the other day I told a friend and coworker that sometimes work is a vacation from my own life. It is a time to completely focus on the needs of others. Helping others in their time of pain and need somehow brings my own struggles into the proper prospective. At home as messes pile up it often seems and actually is a fact that momma is the only one cleaning. As the temptation to turn into “a victim” and fatigue wear me down I will start whining to my family about their lack of consideration and laziness. The conviction that I am really not teaching my children anything when I whine and yell is overwhelming. To teach them it takes even more effort than cleaning the messes on my own. To raise responsible adults it means taking the I-pod away until the mess in the kitchen is cleaned up. It means taking the time to teach my children and sometimes husband how to clean. When I go into “victim” mode all that I am teaching is how to become “a victim” and it builds resentment within my children. Becoming “a victim” decreases our credibility.
Often when we focus on what others have or are getting we are missing the big picture. That person may have had to give up something or have an unseen struggle we know nothing about. The constant comparing and score keeping does nothing but steal our joy. By allowing ourselves to become “a victim” we are applying layer after layer to the wall of bitterness around our hearts.
When our family first moved into the home we currently live in we struggled in figuring out what to do for afterschool care for our oldest daughter then in second grade. My husband worked it out with his boss that he would go into work early and work through his lunch in order to be off work in time to get her picked up from school. This only lasted for about two weeks. A couple of co-workers of his decided to become “victims” they saw him getting to leave work early, became jealous, and complained to the boss. As a result the boss had to tell my husband that since others were complaining he couldn’t let him come in early and skip lunch in order to leave work in time to pick up our daughter. His co-workers chose to only see what he was getting and not what he was giving up. Anyone who knows the man knows he really likes his food! We made other arrangements and it all turned out fine. Just the perfect example of how our human nature will focus on what we are not getting, but miss the big picture of what has been sacrificed.
As God has placed this blog on my heart there has been story after story personally and through social media that has driven His point even further in my heart. Some friend’s dear daughter with muscular dystrophy pouring out wisdom beyond her years how that even being bound to a wheelchair she knows that things can always be worse. God provides her with ways to give back to this world that are further reaching from her wheelchair than she could ever reach on her two legs. An inspiring video of a runner who fell flat in a championship race, got up quickly, came from far behind to actually win the race with just two hundred meters to go reminded me to always get up. When we fall always get up and keep pressing on toward the goal. The only time we are a failure is when we give up. She could have sat on that track, become “a victim” and cried. No she walked off the track as a champion because she got up and finished the race.
There are people struggling and in pain all around us everyday. It is a daily prayer for God to reveal to me not what everyone else is getting in life, but to see the needs of others and how I can give. Asking God to give me the attitude of “how can I give my all and expect nothing in return” actually brings freedom. It frees me from my own tendencies to become “a victim” and prevents the disease of bitterness from consuming my joy. Psalm 71:20 “Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.”
Proverbs 14:10 “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.”
Hebrews 12:15 “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”