It has been a while since I have had time to write a blog. Partly because I have lacked the energy. Partly because of lessons I am learning could breach confidentiality to blog about. To become more educated on the life and behaviors of a traumatized child I have been doing much more reading than writing. Lastly the ups and downs are so frequent I really have not been able to fully wrap my mind let alone my writing around the emotion constantly surrounding our family daily.
The challenges have been tremendous, the test has been hard, there are daily sacrifices of all of our own needs and wants for this hurting human being. There has been nothing in my life that has painted a more personal picture of exactly what Jesus did for me on the cross than foster care. Each member of our family has been told “I hate you!” one minute then “I love you!” the next. We all have been hit, kicked, spit at, and then hugged and kissed. The complaints, demands, lack of gratitude, and harsh words are exhausting to hear even when you know it is out of pure fear and pain from the past. There really can be no comparison to Jesus and His perfect gift of love given to human kind. Foster care has brought a much deeper understanding and appreciation for my Lord and Savior. The perfect sinless Savior fully human and fully God took all sin of all human kind upon Himself as if it were His. He knew what He faced in full as he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. The humiliation, unfairness, and separation from God the Father. The feelings of fear, loneliness, pain, regret, guilt and shame never felt before would all be upon Him as He took on our sin. Not to mention the most gruesome physical beating and tortuous death a person can experience. Why would He do this for us? Because the Glory of God and heaven is worth it.
Each of us Lucas’ has excepted Jesus as our Savior and Lord and that is our assurance that we will be in heaven one day. Foster care has been a result of the relationship we have with Jesus. Why are we doing this? Because the Glory of God and heaven is worth it. If one life is led to Jesus because of this small struggle we are enduring then it is worth it all.
Recently I was told by someone that they didn’t think I knew what I was really getting into by getting into foster care. My reply was I knew exactly what it was going to be and cost inviting the world into our home. That is why it took me nearly 7 years to surrender to this calling. It took me a lot more than one night in a garden to pray “Not my will, but thine be done.” It took a lot of fighting with my own sinful nature and selfishness.
We have also been told that we don’t know what we are doing. Truthfully every life is unique and each person’s trauma is different so who really knows besides God what each individual needs? What I do know is that we don’t know what we are doing, but we are no longer sitting around in our safe little world. We are doing!!! It is not about us it is all about God and His Glory. The fact that we are doing something for a hurting world with God equipping us more than qualifies us.
The deeper appreciation and relationship with our Savior has been a blessing. The blessing of God’s Word guiding us, and our pastor and youth pastor’s sermons each week are a blessing. The prayers of fellow believers have been a tremendous blessing. It is amazing how all the books I am reading are indeed helpful, but what has offered me the most help has been the Word of God and the Holy Spirit’s guidance.
Just reminded of this verse by a fellow believer and friend.
Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”